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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Special unexpected visitors … sorry very predictable

351 replies

Magnoliasstreet · 20/12/2021 10:17

I have invited 7 of partners family to our house for Christmas for the entire period 24th-28th.
PIL have decided they want to come a night early so they don’t have to drive in the evening 24th night.
AIBU to just expect people to come when they are invited?
I will be hosting 12 people on the busiest days and I just can’t be bothered with more food prep/laundry/hosting.
Partner thinks I’m being unreasonable by questioning the decision.
4 nights to me already seems such a long time!

OP posts:
Lemonlady22 · 21/12/2021 19:37

Say OK but they need to leave a day early lol

Tigger1895 · 21/12/2021 19:56

What’s the difference between arriving on the night of the 23rd or 24th. It’s still the same drive time. Just say “sorry but we have plans and that doesn’t work for us”. As for DP, you better make sure he does 75% of the work entailed over the time you have graciously inviting people, or he won’t understand your reasoning.

Bonheurdupasse · 21/12/2021 20:10

Dear OP

I am really so sad for you.
(I’m not in a very good situation myself- though very different- but what I have realized is that given how sad it makes me, I might as well stand up for myself. But anyway)

I know that you’ve said that you’ve now discussed and agreed with your DP re meals etc but frankly I don’t believe him.

Given how ready he’s been to take advantage of you, I think he’ll revert back to that in reality, no matter what he’s promised you. And any attempt by you to hold him to it will be met with ignoring you, or even anger.

Please prepare yourself for that likelihood- psychologically, and logistically.
Please talk your plans through with your sister- e.g. you and her leaving for a couple of hours, with or without baby.
Or even for the day - drive to her place and back.
Please think OP

Kinko · 21/12/2021 20:12

Set the boundary. The invite is the invite. It's in the interest of fairness to everyone!

UniversalAunt · 21/12/2021 20:51

@Magnoliasstreet, good to hear that a plan that benefits you is evolving, it’ll be a work in progress starting now to continue you for however long it takes.

Please keep us updated through the familial onslaught as I am sure we can all band together for festive giggles, swop stories about how awful our guests are & play some socially distant online buzz word bingo drinking games Xmas Grin

Poppingmad123 · 21/12/2021 21:05

I think it’s one of those you should have nipped in the bud immediately when suggested as now you’ll probably look like you’re being awkward. I would accept it but say they’d need to look-after themselves thar day as you have xyz to do. I’m sure they’d understand that & your husband should help you with everything as well. Enjoy your Christmas 🤶

Sceptre86 · 21/12/2021 21:51

I really don't see what the issue is. You invited them, you didn't need to. Now they are coming one day earlier and that puts you out of sorts? Surely you just get your oh to make beds up and either cook or just get a takeaway. It's not a very welcoming way to behave on your part.

clarehhh · 21/12/2021 22:09

Suggest they arrive 25th traffic very light. Leave early arrive by 10

userwhatever01 · 21/12/2021 22:53

OP you sound lovely, and well done on the progress so far. Please put yourself first. Every time the PILS are annoying shout ‘dirty nappy!’ And run out the room.

Then hide upstairs and send send text messages asking for someone to bring you up a cup of tea. They’ll leave you alone for hours.

userwhatever01 · 21/12/2021 22:55

And ignore the recent posters - they haven’t read the fucking thread !

Owl55 · 22/12/2021 08:41

Tell them they are very welcome to book into a hotel for that day/ night !

eastegg · 22/12/2021 10:15

@Roselilly36

As it is PIL I think that’s ok, perhaps they want to spend some time with you & DP before everyone else arrives.

I hope are these guests are going to pitch in and help you though OP, make sure you accept help & suggest jobs they can do, it’s your Christmas too OP.

I think you are brave, no way would I consider a Christmas like this, Good luck, I hope it isn’t too stressful, start the way you mean to go on would be my advice.

They are working on the 24th. They plan on using OP’s home to wfh. They want to come early to avoid traffic. Very ungracious unguest-like behaviour. No intention of spending more time with the GCs or helping.
Nanny0gg · 22/12/2021 14:50

[quote worriedatthemoment]@HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule why ? Why is it so different as i said if they are helping out the other partner?
Yes ideally it should be an agreed scenario together / jointly and discussed but surely one doesn't always trump the other
[/quote]
You're spectacularly missing the bleeding obvious point

Nanny0gg · 22/12/2021 14:55

@Sceptre86

I really don't see what the issue is. You invited them, you didn't need to. Now they are coming one day earlier and that puts you out of sorts? Surely you just get your oh to make beds up and either cook or just get a takeaway. It's not a very welcoming way to behave on your part.
If you don't read the thread properly then you won't see what 'the issue' is, will you?
HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 22/12/2021 15:30

@worriedatthemoment just came back today to say I hope you didn’t interpret my tone in my comments as personal hostility toward you.

I argue my stance on this quite fiercely because it’s something I feel very strongly about. And because there are millions of voices on the other side of the scales constantly urging women to take on more, extend themselves more, placate everyone else more, accept yet more shit from everyone else, expect far less from others, complain far less (preferably never), prioritise themselves far less (preferably never), and so on and so forth. That’s why many of us here try so hard to state the opposite view louder than the masses. It absolutely isn’t a level playing field for many, many women, and we”re doing what we can to fight that.

Anyway, no ill will toward you personally.

douliket · 22/12/2021 21:19

I think you are off your head to have even suggested the 4 nights to begin with😲

LookItsMeAgain · 23/12/2021 13:02

Just wanted to wish you all the best @Magnoliasstreet!

Original poster
Magnoliasstreet · 23/12/2021 13:04

@LookItsMeAgain

Just wanted to wish you all the best *@Magnoliasstreet*!
Thank you. That's really kind. The list is working well so far so I'm hopeful that it will continue so I am not the Christmas troll chained to the kitchen!
OP posts:
Treesandsheepeverywhere · 24/12/2021 01:20

OP, you have 2 little ones, are hosting for so long AND sleeping on the floor!!!
YANBU at all and your DH is walking all over you and in turn, so are his parents.
I've had some great advice on here and as such we're having Christmas as just DH and I for the first time.
People treat you how you let them.

LookItsMeAgain · 24/12/2021 14:04

Hopefully your Christmas Eve is going well today @Magnoliasstreet. Just counting down the days till they are gone....I hope Grin

Please be sure to put a calendar on the back of the kitchen door with big X's marked on the days when they are here and a wonderful "I'm FREE!!!!" on the day when they go home Grin Grin

Original poster
Magnoliasstreet · 24/12/2021 20:29

@Treesandsheepeverywhere

OP, you have 2 little ones, are hosting for so long AND sleeping on the floor!!! YANBU at all and your DH is walking all over you and in turn, so are his parents. I've had some great advice on here and as such we're having Christmas as just DH and I for the first time. People treat you how you let them.
Yes I've started to realise that I am allowing this nonsense to continue.
OP posts:
Original poster
Magnoliasstreet · 24/12/2021 20:29

@LookItsMeAgain

Hopefully your Christmas Eve is going well today *@Magnoliasstreet*. Just counting down the days till they are gone....I hope Grin

Please be sure to put a calendar on the back of the kitchen door with big X's marked on the days when they are here and a wonderful "I'm FREE!!!!" on the day when they go home Grin Grin

Hopefully it won't seem like too look before they're all gone. I'm exhausted already! List is working to good effect though- thank god
OP posts:
Original poster
Magnoliasstreet · 27/12/2021 11:00

@LookItsMeAgain

Hopefully your Christmas Eve is going well today *@Magnoliasstreet*. Just counting down the days till they are gone....I hope Grin

Please be sure to put a calendar on the back of the kitchen door with big X's marked on the days when they are here and a wonderful "I'm FREE!!!!" on the day when they go home Grin Grin

Hopefully they'll be gone by tomorrow. I'm just staying in bed today for as long as is physically possible. Hosting has started well but peaked Christmas Day evening. They can sort themselves out now. Hopefully they'll get the message subtlety. If not, I'm leaving early morning in the car tomorrow with a breezy 'see you in the new year'. Now get the fuck out of my house!!
OP posts:
Original poster
Magnoliasstreet · 28/12/2021 12:09

@LookItsMeAgain

Hopefully your Christmas Eve is going well today *@Magnoliasstreet*. Just counting down the days till they are gone....I hope Grin

Please be sure to put a calendar on the back of the kitchen door with big X's marked on the days when they are here and a wonderful "I'm FREE!!!!" on the day when they go home Grin Grin

They're still lingering on. I'm getting out of the house today and leaving them all to it. Me having plans out of the house has not been a subtle enough hint. Zero social awareness!
OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 28/12/2021 21:11

Have they left yet @Magnoliasstreet? Hopefully you're able to unwind after what would be a stressful Christmas time.