Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should get tough with dd?

171 replies

bendmeoverbackwards · 19/12/2021 16:11

My oldest dd is 20 and currently unvaccinated for Covid due to a severe needle phobia. She wants the vaccine but just doesn't feel able to have it.

We had 3 sessions at the vaccine centre back in September/October. They were brilliant with her and very patient and she got as far as sitting in the chair. But when they came near her with the needle she freaked out and pulled away.

Decided to leave it for a while as it was traumatic both for her and for me.

Then someone told me about a therapist who apparently has had 100% success rate for needle phobia. Don't know exactly how it works, it's not really talking therapy and not hypotherapy. But it works and I've many people raving about her. Dd agreed to see her at a cost of £175/session. She's had 2 sessions then the therapist recommended one more then a visit to the vaccine centre straight afterwards where she would be on the phone if needed.

This is booked in for tomorrow morning. However dd said today she didn't think it would work because she couldn't even cope with putting a covid test up her nose (she has a thing about her body being invaded).

I know it's not her fault but I'm a bit disappointed at her attitude. It's almost as if she is wanting/expecting it not to work.

I'm wondering if I've been too soft/sympathetic? What would you do to maximise the chance of success tomorrow?

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 19/12/2021 16:16

You must have the patience of a saint. I would say up to her whether or not she goes. If not she owes you £175. And from now on it's her problem. You have done all you can.

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 19/12/2021 16:16

It's our problem as well. She lives at home and will be putting us risk.

OP posts:
Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 19/12/2021 16:17

And will cause problems with family holidays.

OP posts:
GoodnightGrandma · 19/12/2021 16:18

Would she try Emla cream ?

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 19/12/2021 16:19

Get some numbing cream from the chemist. The type people use pre tattoo. Takes about 20 mins to work. Cover with cling film en route to the vaccine clinic. She could wear earbuds and her favourite tunes or calming music during the jab.

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 19/12/2021 16:20

Emla ceam - been there done that, got the t-shirt sorry.

She was also dosed up on diazepam for previous visits - only had minimal effect as adrenaline counter-acted it.

OP posts:
dotsandco · 19/12/2021 16:20

Does she live with you? I would be very unhappy living with someone who refused to be vaccinated, despite everything you've done to support and facilitate her issues.

Perhaps you could appeal to her sense of community, and reiterate that she's actually putting others at risk? (Although I'm sure you've already done this!)

Are you happy for her to continue living with you unvaccinated, if she does live with you? That's another conversation of course.

dotsandco · 19/12/2021 16:21

Cross post OP. I see she lives at home.

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 19/12/2021 16:21

She currently lives with us but is moving out soon to a flat share. I don't know if she's discussed her unvaxxed status with her new flatmates.

OP posts:
WhoopsWhatsMyNameAgain · 19/12/2021 16:21

I don't think you can blame her. She wants it, just can't overcome her fear.

Not sure what the answer is if this treatment doesn't work for her. Presumable she'll need injections later in life (during pregnancy as an example) so ideally she'll overcome it but what can you do?

My heart goes out to her, she must feel petrified.

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 19/12/2021 16:23

She had injections as a small child, routine vaccinations in her teens she got a bit worse (think she only managed 2 out of 3 doses of HPV), it's definitely got worse in recent years.

OP posts:
CounsellorTroi · 19/12/2021 16:25

Have you tried telling her that if she doesn't have the jab she will be at risk of needing hospital treatment which will be much more invasive than a jab if she gets Covid?

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 19/12/2021 16:26

This makes me wonder: what can one do about severe needle phobia? Is there anything? You can't very well have anaesthetic, because that tends to be delivered by needle, doesn't it? (Or have they improved it since the last time I had one?) Hypnosis? It must be a problem at the moment for quite a lot of people.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 19/12/2021 16:26

At 20, do you still need to take her on family holidays?

Unless you mean you're worried about her infecting you just before one, and you could solve that one by insisting she stays elsewhere in the run-up to departure (though unless you go nowhere at all someone else could easily pass it on)

Either way you've done what you can, so if there are consequences to this I'd be passing them to her now

Schmoozer · 19/12/2021 16:27

Needle phobia is not a choice
She cannot help the severe panic response
It must be bad if diazepam and Emla have not helped
She needs a CBT therapist
Cognitive behavioural therapist
Ask GP
It won’t just resolve itself without the right therapy
Getting cross with her will heighten the panic response
However repercussions of not engaging with therapy - missing holidays etc are reasonable !
www.uhs.nhs.uk/Media/UHS-website-2019/Patientinformation/Tests/Blood-injury-and-needle-phobias-and-procedural-anxiety-patient-information.pdf

Hospedia · 19/12/2021 16:28

If getting tough on people worked then no one would have phobias, would they?

If she wants to try again then I'd try propranolol or another beta blocker rather than diazepam as beta blockers suppress adrenaline so will help her feel calmer.

If she can't get it done then there's not really much more you can do, it's not as if she isn't trying and she has engaged with therapy to try overcome it.

LynetteScavo · 19/12/2021 16:28

If she's genuinely that scared nothing will make her have it, short of more therapy sessions/having it while she's completely knocked out.

I have a phobia, and if my parents had said I either had to be exposed to my fear of move out I would have moved out.

I think she needs mor therapy seasons. I feel your pain. My DD is needle phobic, and while she was sweating and hyperventilating I very firmly told her to hold my hand, and look into my eyes because she was too old for his nonsense (which was a totally dumb thing to say) but she knows when I get that tone there is no messing. She really wanted to vaccination, which helped I think.

TBH if I'd had the booster, and she has no health issues I'd not be overly concerned if she couldn't manage it at the moment. I would, however, expect her to be very cautious about socialising.

BobbieT1999 · 19/12/2021 16:29

There was a thread earlier this year where a woman was working up the courage to get her vaccine with a severe needle phobia. She managed it....I don't know if its findable?

She had great things to say about the staff carrying it out.

icedcoffees · 19/12/2021 16:31

If phobias were that easy to cure, nobody would have them.

Hospedia · 19/12/2021 16:32

Have you tried telling her that if she doesn't have the jab she will be at risk of needing hospital treatment which will be much more invasive than a jab if she gets Covid?

Because that'll help calm her down, I'm sure.

This makes me wonder: what can one do about severe needle phobia? Is there anything? You can't very well have anaesthetic, because that tends to be delivered by needle, doesn't it?

Anti-anxiety meds given orally then gas to get you drowsy ahead of putting in the cannula and anaesthetic followed by more anti-anxiety meds via IV when you wake up. I don't have needle phobia but I do have PTSD and I'm unable to easily hand over control of my body to another person. The anaesthetist was incredibly patient and understanding, I felt at ease the whole time, and it was handled sensitively. There'll be similar processes in place for needle phobia (and other phobias).

Cheerbear24 · 19/12/2021 16:34

I don’t know what more you can do, getting tough with her probably won’t work. If she wants to be vaccinated She has to talk herself into accepting it somehow.
As a former needle hater, i have to condition myself to it somewhat as I have to have regular injections for a medical condition now. My best tip is to never ever look at the needle coming towards you. Turn your head away

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 19/12/2021 16:34

She does actually want to be knocked out completely. However it's just not practical, I have looked into this, you cannot get covid vaccines anywhere other than at vaccine centres.

She also had till recently a dental phobia that I never thought she would get over. A few years ago, she had her teeth checked and cleaned under sedation at Guy's Hospital. They gave her a drink which made her woozy enough to sit in the chair and have a needle put in her hand. Then last year she wanted to have her teeth straightened. She found somewhere she was comfortable with and for the first two appointments took diazepam. She now sees the orthodontist with no medication. I never thought I'd see the day.

I reminded her of this but she says the needle thing is different.

OP posts:
nosyupnorth · 19/12/2021 16:42

I'm sympathic to how unpleasant it must be for her but she needs to grit her teeth and deal with it.

She doesn't have to get over her phobia, she just has to get the jab. She can hate every second of it, but it is only a few seconds and she doesn't actually have to do anything, just sit there and endure.

If she gets a serious case of covid there will be far more needles potentially involved in her treatment -- closing her eyes and sitting still for two minutes to get the jab is a necessary evil that will protect her from a far more upsetting situation.

CounsellorTroi · 19/12/2021 16:43

Have you tried telling her that if she doesn't have the jab she will be at risk of needing hospital treatment which will be much more invasive than a jab if she gets Covid?

Because that'll help calm her down, I'm sure.

I was thinking that it might help her see a single jab as the lesser of two evils. But I do get that these things are not rational.

Foolsrule · 19/12/2021 16:47

If it was life and death, eg needing chemo, would she get over the phobia?