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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should get tough with dd?

171 replies

bendmeoverbackwards · 19/12/2021 16:11

My oldest dd is 20 and currently unvaccinated for Covid due to a severe needle phobia. She wants the vaccine but just doesn't feel able to have it.

We had 3 sessions at the vaccine centre back in September/October. They were brilliant with her and very patient and she got as far as sitting in the chair. But when they came near her with the needle she freaked out and pulled away.

Decided to leave it for a while as it was traumatic both for her and for me.

Then someone told me about a therapist who apparently has had 100% success rate for needle phobia. Don't know exactly how it works, it's not really talking therapy and not hypotherapy. But it works and I've many people raving about her. Dd agreed to see her at a cost of £175/session. She's had 2 sessions then the therapist recommended one more then a visit to the vaccine centre straight afterwards where she would be on the phone if needed.

This is booked in for tomorrow morning. However dd said today she didn't think it would work because she couldn't even cope with putting a covid test up her nose (she has a thing about her body being invaded).

I know it's not her fault but I'm a bit disappointed at her attitude. It's almost as if she is wanting/expecting it not to work.

I'm wondering if I've been too soft/sympathetic? What would you do to maximise the chance of success tomorrow?

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 19/12/2021 16:48

She does actually want to be knocked out completely

But induction's usually done using a needle so I'm not sure how that would help?
I suppose they could give her gas, but as you say it may not be realistic when so many are waiting desperately for actual surgery

FWIW I was phobic myself and hadn't had an IM injection for over 30 years, but actually the jabs did me a huge favour when I honestly felt nothing ... I've even been for my very first flu jab since

Mydogmylife · 19/12/2021 16:49

@bendmeoverbackwards

She does actually want to be knocked out completely. However it's just not practical, I have looked into this, you cannot get covid vaccines anywhere other than at vaccine centres.

She also had till recently a dental phobia that I never thought she would get over. A few years ago, she had her teeth checked and cleaned under sedation at Guy's Hospital. They gave her a drink which made her woozy enough to sit in the chair and have a needle put in her hand. Then last year she wanted to have her teeth straightened. She found somewhere she was comfortable with and for the first two appointments took diazepam. She now sees the orthodontist with no medication. I never thought I'd see the day.

I reminded her of this but she says the needle thing is different.

Looks like she can manage it when it's something she wants! Sorry to sound harsh, but this kind of negates the genuine fear argument
diddl · 19/12/2021 16:50

I was in tears the night before my first.

When I went into the room I told them how terrified I was.

One kept talking to me I obviously didn't look at the needle & the Dr who did it was behind me had done it before I realised.

The second time I felt the Dr wiping my arm & I thought "ffs what are they doing?" and then the plaster went on!

For me I just want it doing & the longer in the room the worse I feel.

My fear is that it will hurt.

I had the booster on Weds again, felt nothing.

My thoughts of what it will be like are so, so much worse than what happens.

ThackeryBinks · 19/12/2021 16:51

Slightly different situation to you but DSS(23) who has about a 50% lung capacity was too scared of side effects to get the jab. In the end DP really took the gloves off and was very harsh with him and said he could actually die. We got his first jab done last week. It's a big relief. I hope you get your daughter sorted OP. You can only do your best and you certainly have done that.

Elodeastar · 19/12/2021 16:51

Poor girl, it sounds like she really is trying her best, can your GP offer any suggestions? Has she had any injections before? Is there a practice nurse who she really trusts? It's not the same, but kind of, I have a real dental phobia (long story) but having a dentist I know and trust can really make a difference! I am sorry you are both going through this, but try to avoid any language that sounds like you are threatening or punishing her - I am sure you are not aiming to do that, but you will both be getting frustrated by now.

turnaroundtime · 19/12/2021 16:53

@nosyupnorth

I'm sympathic to how unpleasant it must be for her but she needs to grit her teeth and deal with it.

She doesn't have to get over her phobia, she just has to get the jab. She can hate every second of it, but it is only a few seconds and she doesn't actually have to do anything, just sit there and endure.

If she gets a serious case of covid there will be far more needles potentially involved in her treatment -- closing her eyes and sitting still for two minutes to get the jab is a necessary evil that will protect her from a far more upsetting situation.

you don't appear to understand phobias or mental illness at all. Would you say a person struggling with depression 'just needs to get out of bed' or an anorexic 'just needs to eat something' or someone struggling with post sexual assault PTSD 'just needs to have sex'? There is no 'just do it' when it comes to a genuine phobia
Pinkbonbon · 19/12/2021 16:54

If she doesn't want the jab then leave her the be. Its her body. If you aren't comfortable living with someone unvaccinated then help her move out. Although considering you've had the jab, I don't see the fuss.

Covid will be around forever now. Are you going to get 3 jags every year from now on? Probably not. Is she? Of course not. Its not happening. So like it or lump it but stop trying to force someone with a needle phobia to get a jab.

Camparispritzandcrisps · 19/12/2021 16:55

I've had needle phobia since a bad childhood incident with an incorrectly inserted cannula - so I absolutely sympathise with your DD. In the nicest possible way, "getting tough" doesn't help long term, as it can make her feel even more panicked (and ashamed) and entrench the phobia! Long term, the only thing can suggest is CBT, so that she can manage the fear and panic, and stop the phobia getting in the way of necessary medical treatment. It's the best gift I've given myself.

I've had both my vaccines and my booster is booked this week. In the short term, get a prescription for diazepam for her - it takes the edge off the panic if she takes it as she goes in. I also have my very kind and positive no nonsense auntie (primary teacher) come with me, treats me just like her year 2 pupils, which I find helpful! She speaks to the booking desk at the vaccine centre before I go in, and every time they very kindly take me straight through to a side room, draw the needle away from my sight, and inject the top of my arse - not very dignified, but it means that I'm not waiting as the panic builds and I never see the needle or others receiving it. Is it worth speaking to the vaccination centre/your GP in advance of an appointment and getting something like that in place for her? Once my auntie had spoken to the front desk, I was in and out of the vaccine clinic in 15 mins, fully vaccinated and with no drama at all. Vaccine clinics will do everything in their power to help as long as you give them some notice - they just want to get everyone protected. Best of luck!

turnaroundtime · 19/12/2021 16:56

@Foolsrule

If it was life and death, eg needing chemo, would she get over the phobia?
Anorexics die from not eating. The fear of death does not always overcome mental health issues
Mischance · 19/12/2021 16:59

Provide her with some local anaesthetic cream to go on her arm before the jab so she knows it will not hurt.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 19/12/2021 17:01

@nosyupnorth

I'm sympathic to how unpleasant it must be for her but she needs to grit her teeth and deal with it.

She doesn't have to get over her phobia, she just has to get the jab. She can hate every second of it, but it is only a few seconds and she doesn't actually have to do anything, just sit there and endure.

If she gets a serious case of covid there will be far more needles potentially involved in her treatment -- closing her eyes and sitting still for two minutes to get the jab is a necessary evil that will protect her from a far more upsetting situation.

Jesus, clearly you have no idea about phobias.

My colleague has severe needle phobia, he has tried 3 times to get the vaccine but he has a panic attack every time and can't even get to the point of being near the needle. He's desperate to have the vaccine but they won't shorten the process that you have to go through - he said it would be less stressful if he could just go straight in and be "done". He might just be able to do it then - plus you have to go in alone so can't have his GF to support him.

When he's had to have anaesthesia in an emergency they had to restrain him apparently. He's trying therapy but it's a slow process and he doesn't want to wait but can't find a solution.

melodypondisasuperhero · 19/12/2021 17:01

2 things: I used to have an awful needle phobia as a kid (I still don’t like it but ok if looking away). Emla cream didn’t really help that much as it’s the feeling of the needle going in that really made me panic. I had needle therapy at around 13/14 when I needed a routine vaccination and I just couldn’t do it. I had a lot of sessions, definitely more than 2 though I think it was NHS equivalent (different country) so not £175 a session!!! Anyway the last session I had to give myself the injection (under supervision) and I actually found that was OK, I guess being in control of it made it easier?

Second thing, I also used to have a terrible fear of flying and a doctor gave me diazepam once when I needed to fly. For some reason it did nothing and the flight was torture. On the way back, someone suggested Phenargen, which is over the counter - it’s like the old style antihistamines that made you drowsy. I popped a few of them (probably not recommended technically but besides being drowsy for quite a while it didn’t seem to do any harm) and was in a pleasant haze the whole flight. Might be worth trying something other than diazepam?

HyacynthBucket · 19/12/2021 17:02

Emotional Freedom Technique is useful for trauma victims. It really can help with acute anxiety as I have found myself. It is really easy to do anywhere.

Scandisaurus · 19/12/2021 17:03

One of my (tough) dc, 19, is also very scared of needles. He has previously passed out. He understood fully he still had to get vaccinated, there was no other choice. He brought his earphones and told the vaccinator about his fear, and asked if he could lie down. The very nice syrian doctor then told him that he could absolutely do this, but the vaccination was already finished. DC didn’t feel a thing.. 😂

2irishmums2be · 19/12/2021 17:05

Could she get it at a chemist instead of a vaccine centre so not 100s of people.getting needles in arms ?

Butchyrestingface · 19/12/2021 17:05

And will cause problems with family holidays

She doesn't go. She's 20. No problem, surely?

Can she get another prescription for diazepam if it's worked before for her?

CheshireKitten123 · 19/12/2021 17:06

OP,
Your daughter is an adult who has the Right of Self Determination. In other words she has choices.

She either has the jab or she doesn't - her choice as an adult.

You also have choices about how you respond to an unvaccinated family member.

HermioneHere · 19/12/2021 17:08

Why not have valium again? Diazepam.

1forAll74 · 19/12/2021 17:10

It's a shame really, as the jabs do not hurt, are very quick and easy, then off you go.

XenoBitch · 19/12/2021 17:11

She has a severe needle phobia. Phobias are a recognised mental health condition. If she was depressed, would you get "tough" and tell her to cheer up? If she had agoraphobia, would you drag her out the house?
I hear you are frustrated, but your DD can not help how she is feeling. Some people can pop a pill and get the jab, others, like your DD, need a lot of time and therapy.... and understanding.

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 19/12/2021 17:13

Regarding holidays - we had planned a lovely beach holiday this Christmas partially to celebrate my 50th in January. Had to change the destination several times due to DD’s unvaxxed state and also the changing rules. Have now postponed booked holiday to Mexico till Easter. Dd can currently travel to Mexico but who knows what the rules will be then?

OP posts:
Mylittlepotofjoy · 19/12/2021 17:14

Strange as it sounds diazepam could be causing the problem ! I have an extreme fear of needles and when I was younger they tried it with me . Diazepam can react differently with different people . With me all it did was remove my inhibitions so when they tried to inject me I was even worse than normal as I literally had nothing holding me back iyswim .

Dozer · 19/12/2021 17:15

If she decides to skip the therapy, she pays the financial cost.

Book your holiday to a destination of your choice, without her.

goldfinchfan · 19/12/2021 17:16

I used to be needle phobic. I needed blood tests so I decided to simply not look.
not see the needls.
I broke out in sweat and had to use tecniques learned at CBT to manage my panic but it worked.
I don't look. it works.

Tell DD to look away and put her attention on something else or talk to her, jokes, gossip anything.
i hope she will do this and learn to be brave. I had to learn it wasn't easy but now it is.

XenoBitch · 19/12/2021 17:18

@Mylittlepotofjoy

Strange as it sounds diazepam could be causing the problem ! I have an extreme fear of needles and when I was younger they tried it with me . Diazepam can react differently with different people . With me all it did was remove my inhibitions so when they tried to inject me I was even worse than normal as I literally had nothing holding me back iyswim .
That makes a lot of sense. The only thing that can sedate me is antipsychotics.. but if I took enough to be sedated, I would not be able to get to a vaccine centre and certainly not be able to consent.