To think I should get tough with dd?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

My oldest dd is 20 and currently unvaccinated for Covid due to a severe needle phobia. She wants the vaccine but just doesn't feel able to have it.

We had 3 sessions at the vaccine centre back in September/October. They were brilliant with her and very patient and she got as far as sitting in the chair. But when they came near her with the needle she freaked out and pulled away.

Decided to leave it for a while as it was traumatic both for her and for me.

Then someone told me about a therapist who apparently has had 100% success rate for needle phobia. Don't know exactly how it works, it's not really talking therapy and not hypotherapy. But it works and I've many people raving about her. Dd agreed to see her at a cost of £175/session. She's had 2 sessions then the therapist recommended one more then a visit to the vaccine centre straight afterwards where she would be on the phone if needed.

This is booked in for tomorrow morning. However dd said today she didn't think it would work because she couldn't even cope with putting a covid test up her nose (she has a thing about her body being invaded).

I know it's not her fault but I'm a bit disappointed at her attitude. It's almost as if she is wanting/expecting it not to work.

I'm wondering if I've been too soft/sympathetic? What would you do to maximise the chance of success tomorrow?

@TarpaulinEyes

Another one here with needle phobia so I feel for your DD. I've had both vaccines and a booster. I tell the staff of my fears as I go in, look away and hope for the best. For me being no nonsense about my fear seems to work. I didn't allow anyone to go with me to the appointments as find sympathy makes me worse. I am inwardly dying a million deaths and trying not to cry however. I hope your DD can overcome her fears.

Well done on pushing through and getting the vaccine.

Leave her alone OP.
A needle phobia is no small thing. Leave her to decide what’s best for her, as the adult she is.
She doesn’t need to tell her flatmates whether she’s jabbed or not because it’s not as if any of them will be 100% immune.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-59642182
Another article on needle free trial

@AutumnLeaves21 I don’t think I’m babying her, just trying to be supportive with a difficult situation.

I’ve heard about the needle free vaccine but assume it’s not available yet?

Thinking laterally, and maybe a mad idea - you said she is now able to have orthodontic treatment comfortably, is there any way the orthodontist could give the vaccination? Would that make any difference to her? Dental professionals are theoretically able to vaccinate.

OK for tomorrow morning, she has tonight to decide. She either goes to the session and sincerely tries or she pays you back the money you've spent straight away. Out of savings, money she had for Christmas stuff, wherever. She has to at least try tomorrow. If she chooses not to, book wherever you want and go. There's no point in you all missing out. But she has to go to the session tomorrow.

@bendmeoverbackwards

I’ve heard about the needle free vaccine but assume it’s not available yet?

Maybe if she really tries she might be able to be part of the trial? That seems to be where they have got to. It's Cambridge, I think, but might be in other places round the country too.

If she actually does want to get it and is not just being forced into saying she does just to keep you happy...then go to a big centre and let her watch other people getting it (but tell her to watch them, not the needle). Then she will see it's not a big deal.

I suggest showing her a video of people being intubated. It may shock her into accepting the jabs.

Has she asked about having the vaccine somewhere other than the vaccination centre? Somewhere familiar where she feels safe. The doctors surgery perhaps? Or is there an option near you to be vaccinated in your own home? My MIL is unable to get out and about so someone came to her home to give her the vaccinations.

Needle free vaccine

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-59642182

@RuggerHug

OK for tomorrow morning, she has tonight to decide. She either goes to the session and sincerely tries or she pays you back the money you've spent straight away. Out of savings, money she had for Christmas stuff, wherever. She has to at least try tomorrow. If she chooses not to, book wherever you want and go. There's no point in you all missing out. But she has to go to the session tomorrow.

So you advocate punishing her financially for her phobia. Nice.

Although I can see why you are frustrated I dont think this is a situation in which "getting tough" will help. I think you just need to leave her to it - she's an adult and moving out soon anyway. As for family holidays, well she just wont be able to join you. But she's 20 so she can make her own holiday plans.

@Daisy62 Dh thought the same thing. Not logistically possible as he wouldn’t be able to get hold of the vaccine.

I'm needle phobic and currently undergoing CBT she probably just can't imagine how the therapy is going to get her over the fear- I feel the same, it feels too big a fear- but that doesn't mean it can't work if she gives it a try. And I've been allowed people with me for mine and was allowed to accompany DH as a step of my own therapy to watch someone else have theirs. Please keep being supportive, being tough won't get her over it, neither will trying to 'shock' her or scare her more with horror stories of what could happen. This just piles on more anxiety and guilt. It's difficult for people without phobias to truly understand and for me, I know it doesn't hurt, I can look away etc but none of that helps when the fight or flight response kicks in

A friend has a needle phobia and after 3 attempts she found a walk in was easier. She didn't have as much time to work herself up and escalate, she was out shopping (not alone, had sister with her) and came across a walk in so it was over and done with in 5 mins compared to turning up at an alloted time and likely not sleeping the night before and already being very anxious before she walked in.

Do you think if you found a walk in and made an excuse to be in the same place without telling her about the walk in she might find it easier for the same reasons as my friend? That's if the appointment and therapy doesn't work. She went for a planned walk in for her second supported by family and is hoping to get her booster in the next few week (I've had a bad reaction to mine so she's putting it off to coincide with days off).

I have pretty severe dental anxiety and have found diazepam and a dentist I trust to be the best treatment so I completely understand where your daughter is coming from in regards to that.

It's not just this vax is it. For instance if she has children there will be blood tests etc. Or if she is ill then she might need treatment. She needs to make up her mind to use the tools she has been given by the therapist to overcome her fear, instead of circling back into believing that her fear will always rule her. I say this as someone who refused induction of labour because the thought of having a cannula fitted made me feel sick and panicky. She needs to woman up.

You are one patient mum!

Other than all the good advice above, when she is in place she should just close her eyes - I’m not at all phobic, but I’ve had lots of blood taken and it really helps. If you sit with her and hold her hand she will still feel safe. Get them not to warn her with Sharp Scratch - by the time she feels it it will be done. Headphones and music will help.

But yes, I would get tough. Just say it’s costing a ton of money and risking your health.

If you have vulnerable elderly relatives it might also be worth laying on the granny guilt by saying that it’s not just that she might land herself in hospital, it’s that she will get a bed over elderly and disabled people. If capacity is reached - and we got extremely close a couple times last year - the over 70s etc simply won’t get treated.

I’m sorry to hear this, no-one wants to see their children feeling tortured. Is it the needle or the liquid going in? Would your GP give her a needle and syringe and let her practice on her own? I had to inject myself when I had IVF and it was fascinatingly easy. If she practiced perhaps she could inject herself, give her more control?

The more she avoids needles the worse it will get. This is true of all phobias.
If you can get her to a vaccination centre with the motivation to stay & get it done, this should be possible without her seeing a needle (& hardly feeling it). You need to convince her to trust you this is the case.

Genuine question - trying not to be goofy - but how do you needle phobic people get through routine blood tests GP appointments etc? Or is having bloods taken for a test different to having a vaccine? Or do you just avoid any such tests?

For the dogs vacs I 'practised' jabbing him at home with a wooden skewer. Just got him to sit and rewarded him for staying still whilst I increased pressure. He wasn't needle phobic but tended to scream and give the vet a good scare.
Could you do something similar? Get her to pop headphones on with a song she finds relaxing, pretend stab her, withdraw stabbed when she relaxes and breathes out, gradually increase pressure.
On the vaccination day, get her to put the headphones on and use the skewer method for a few goes, then replace with the needle at random... daughter might be smarter than my greyhound tho so may not work

That’s interesting @LilFoxes I have some wooden skewers.

Leotardrock I can only speak for myself, but I just don't go for them.