to feel weird about my neighbour's comments about my son?

[pizzaallday]

Hello,

I have a 16 month old and our neighbours are a married couple in their fifties.

They have three children, 26,28 and 32 and no grandchildren yet.

Ever since my son arrived, they have been doting over him.

Inviting him over, giving him food, playing with him.

We never leave him alone with them, either one of us or both of us is with him when he's invited over.

On the one hand I have absolutely no problem with them being so close to my son. The husband suffers from depression and doesn't work anymore and the wife has to work two jobs. They don't have it easy so I can understand how a toddler can bring light and joy to someone's life.

Let's call this couple Mr and Mrs Smith and my son is called Josh (names changed).

There are just some comments Mr Smith makes occasionally that I find cringeworthy.

For example:

• He said when he was playing with him: "Oh Josh, I want to go to bed with you"

• They knocked on our door in the evening and he said "Josh, I want to spend all night with you"

• Last time we were at their house Mr Smith was playing with Josh. He then made a sawing motion at his ear and said: "I want to cut off your ear and make bacon off it".

• The other day my husband left the house in the evening, because he had to go somewhere. Mr Smith was outside his house and he asked my husband: "Are you going to pick up Josh? (we send him to a childminder)" "I will come with you!"

• Usually I pick him up from the childminder in the evening. When I arrive back home, Mr Smith usually sits in his car, because he has to pick up his wife from work. When he sees Josh, he either pulls his window down to shout his name or comes out to interact with him

• Mr Smith has an alcohol problem as well. He drinks every evening, usually whiskey. In summer, when it was still warm at night, we often sat in our living room and heard Mr Smith singing in in the garden. It was obvious he was drunk and he was singing my son's name 😳 That has stopped now, either because it's too cold outside or perhaps because his wife asked him to drink less.

His wife always is very embarrassed when her husband makes those comments to my son and says "He doesn't mean it".

I know the comments are made in a certain context and I don't think Mr Smith is a pedophile.

Still, they give me a bad feeling and I feel like he is crossing boundaries he shouldn't.

It's very hard for me to know whether I am being unreasonable or not.

On the one hand they are a lovely couple with lovely children and are nice neighbours that we get on well with.

On the other hand his comments give me the creeps.

AIBU to feel this way?

Listen to your instincts. He's being weird and testing boundaries. Keep away

I must be a bit out of touch as I also think the bacon comment is a bit .

I am in my 50s.

Keep him away from them. You're already making excuses for bizarre, obsessed, probably alcohol-fuelled behaviour that's completely inappropriate. At the very least he'll feel very uncomfortable with them when he's older, and wish you hadn't made them part of his life.
You don't owe them your child's company and you're not obliged to "be nice" to them. Your priority should be your child's safety and emotional well-being. Put this way above what other people want. My parents didn't, and I'll never forgive them.

OP, as a small child I was sexually abused by my grandfather while my parents and grandmother were in the same room.

Please keep your child away from this man and his wife.

Stop minimising.
This man in his fifties has said exactly what he wants - he wants to go to bed with your son.
So, you don't take any chances. It's not up to you to re-interpret the neighbours words into something more acceptable, it's up to you to protect your child 100%.
Right now, you don't let your baby out of your sight. But as he grows, he'll become more independent, and the neighbour will continue grooming, if that's what he's doing. After that, it's only a matter of him getting a few minutes alone with the boy.
Now, your neighbour might be completely innocent. But the risk is too great to take.
Step up and step back. Stop gaslighting yourself!

Not read whole thread but this is very odd and inappropriate. Does the man have learning difficulties maybe as his comments are way off normal.

@pizzaallday I see this a lot on MN. The not sure if I'm being unreasonable or overreacting comments. You don't need to canvass opinion, all you need to know that this is your life, your home, your child and you feel uncomfortable.

Pulling right back from these neighbours is not you being unkind of paranoid, it's a direct result of his behaviour.

You can distance yourself gradually, bearing in mind your objective whenever you answer him.

In what world would anyone think it was appropriate to make those kind of remarks about a child? That's all you have to ask yourself and you have your answer.

That is a very weird situation. We are a married couple in our 50s with similar aged dc and no grandchildren. Neither of us has the smallest interest in our neighbors dc, and if my dh behaved like that i would think he had lost his marbles. I don't think the husband is necessarily a danger to your child, but the drinking alone would be enough for me to steer clear.

That is seriously weird. I would move away. This is wrong.

Omg op, very weird. I would seriously be looking into moving house asap with no forwarding address left behind.

I can see why the OP is asking for opinions - tackling it head on (the only solution) is very challenging, so I guess it is reassuring to have others endorse what your instincts are telling you. No-one likes confrontation.

What a wretched situation to be in.

What the actual fuck? Keep your baby away from this person before you really regret it.

I would trust your instinct on this and distance yourselves - it's easy to control interaction now, it won't be later. As you say, there is probably nothing really sinister, but it's creepy, and you wouldn't leave your child alone with them.

That's really weird behaviour. Stay clear

Very creepy. I don't understand why you feel you have allow this relationship to continue, between Josh and neighbour. Essentially, your neighbours are nothing to do with Josh. Josh isn't a trained monkey tendered out to entertain people, or add meaning to their lives. Have they invited Josh for a sleep over yet.

The comment about Josh's ear is sinister, horror movie style.

Why are you even asking neighbours sound like a reason to move fast!

The man sounds a little simple minded, and can't equate his words and actions,with a more normal way of being friendly, so best not to be over friendly, and take your child round to his home.

@Mischance

you are of course correct, it is good to have back up and encouragement as no one really likes confrontation, although personally, as I said, I'd distance myself rather than confront.

I was meaning more from the point of view that you should feel empowered to trust in your own judgement and that yes, it is weird and no, OP isn't overreacting by feeling uncomfortable.

I read your post and thought Yuck. Very odd and unsettling comments.

Did he go to the childminders? Just warn your CM that Josh must never be handed over to him....

Read the gift of dear and keep your son away.

Nonce alert. Keep your son well away from him.

You need to move, it’s creepy and weird. His wife’s knows it.

I don’t think you need to move but you do need to not have anything to do with these neighbours for all the reasons everyone has pointed out.

I don’t care what age this man is, all the examples you give are wholly inappropriate and very concerning. The ear comment would have really scared my DGD. To give your DS the message that this man is someone he can trust and be friendly with is not wise. He isn’t someone any child should have anything to do with. I’d avoid a confrontation but tell them you won’t be able to come round anymore. And I’d check with the police if there’s anything you need to know about this man.

OP,
I agree your whole family is being groomed as you, your husband and his wife normalise these creepy comments.

I think the man is a perv and the alcohol has pickled his self awareness

I would want to move. My son is 12 he catches the bus to/from school and walks to and from the bus stop. I could never allow that if I knew there was a weird creepy neighbour with an unhealthy interest in my son. Move (don’t give your neighbours a forwarding address) or you will have to wrap your son in cotton wool and never take your eyes off him as he grows up.

I agree it might be worth asking the police if this person has previous but even if nothing has been raised before it means nothing and does not protect your son. Are his adult children in contact with the family? Do they see any grandchildren? I’m just being nosy with that really but even if they do have contact with grandchildren you still need to protect your son.

Why are you so close to these people ?