To be upset at not getting thank you note to acknowledge presents

[Londonlassie12]

My dd is in an elite team sport & last Xmas & this Xmas I sent her coaches (5 in total) lovely gifts I would be delighted to recieve (yankee candle gift set.. Full sized jar with 3 little candles ) Not one of the coaches text to say thanks... Dd brought them to training last Monday... I'm very disheartened... DH is more pragmatic, his theory is we pay a fortune for training, a card & bottle of wine should suffice & I should stop acting as if we owe anymore... Aibu to be upset at not having the (expensive) gifts acknowledged?

@Ionlydomassiveones

If someone gave me a load of Yankee candles I’d be silent too. Your DH is completely right.

That’s a bit of a mean comment, isn’t it? You don’t just say thank you for gifts because they are what you personally would buy yourself. You thank the person for their time, consideration and effort in choosing a gift for you. The OP deserves a thank you. I’m a teacher and whenever pupils bring me a gift I put a note in their planner to say thank you.

That’s a bit of a mean comment, isn’t it? You don’t just say thank you for gifts because they are what you personally would buy yourself. You thank the person for their time, consideration and effort in choosing a gift for you. The OP deserves a thank you. I’m a teacher and whenever pupils bring me a gift I put a note in their planner to say thank you.

But the point is, the gift is (presumably) already the 'thank you'.
The OP presumably wanted to thank the coaches in some way for going over and above what she is already paying for anyway. So the gift itself is a thank you, and, when OP'd dd handed them over, one would presume that the coaches said "Oh, dd, that's lovely. Thank you. You shouldn't have. Too kind. Please thank your parents from me".

So the 'thanks for the thank you' is already done. It gets silly to then go on and on thanking people who thanked you for a thank you and so on.

It is rude not to text thank you (if they have your number). But please stop spending this kind of money, I’m totally with your DH wine & card is absolutely enough. Also I hate candles so there’s that as well so potentially a complete waste of money

I think the world divides into people who like candles and those who don't. I get these quite often from students and regift. I'm horrified to hear they cost this sort of money!

So rude for them not to thank you but maybe they also get them frequently.

Buying gifts is lovely, but at the end of the day, you give for the joy of it, not the thanks. I personally don't buy gifts for people just for doing what I pay them for

Who receives a gift and doesn’t say thank you. You are absolutely right to be irritated. It’s simply good manners to say thank you, send a text etc. Noticed that most people don’t seem to think so anymore. I think it would be the last time I bothered to buy them a gift.

I don't know what elite sport this is, but it sounds like gymnastics from the coaches!!
I would be a bit annoyed if I were you, but also they might get tens of gifts and texting or writing a thank you would take a long time (not an excuse not to)
I'd just give them a bottle tbh because they might have got 2 other Yankee gift sets (boarding school teacher here and I appreciate bottles or edible things the most as I have a lot of lovely candles/bubble baths/ sets like that and they're lovely but I get a lot

I don’t think you are BU. I was brought up to always thank people for gifts they gave me. As a child I’d call family members or send a thank you card/note. I just think it’s courtesy when someone has gone out of their way to gift you something.
I went to a friend’s wedding a couple of years ago, I wasn’t flush but gave her £100 in a card (she’d requested money towards a honeymoon) and she didn’t thank me - by text or otherwise. I understand people have busy lives but to me it’s just courtesy 🤷🏼‍♀️

Just buy a box of roses or quality street. Job done. Candles, not everyone’s cup of tea, handy for regifting though if not.
Cards - I hate receiving them. As I don’t return any cards these days, I’ve got enough to do without writing xmas cards.

What's a Yankee Candle?

I wouldn't give them anything!

Sorry but I think you’re being v unreasonable. You talk of driving the children everywhere etc - they’re your kids!! The coaches almost certainly give up WAY more time and effort than their pay grade demands, especially during COVID. It’s a really nice gesture to get them a gift - but in theory the coaches relationship is between DC and then - ergo gift is from DC and thank you to them should suffice. Additional communication ( which is probably a PIA at best of times and least rewarding part of job) to parents for gifts is , IMO, totally inappropriate. Where do you draw the line? You say it’s because you spent so much on a gift. If one of the children on the team spends pocket money on gift proportionately that gift cost more than yours ( income related percentages ) so should they text for a bar of chocolate? Ditto if another parent gives them the use of a villa in the Bahamas for a week how would you feel if they then get a fulsome thank you message? A present should be given willingly - not for the purpose of expecting gratitude officially expressed. Poor coaches probably desperate for a break and writing thank you letters/ pinging off messages to parents who send them candles etc is probably very last thing in their minds.

I'd read into that, they did not want candles - to post on social media - a 'here are my lovely candles set' might encourage other to give them candles too ..

Next year - a chocolate orange and a card each!

If who ever gives the gift is thanked in person then a note is not required in my opinion

Scented candles are hard to give people you don’t know very well. They are very personal. I love candles but Yankee Candle are a bit naff, the kind of thing you pick up at Walmart. They even look cheap. I much prefer Bath and Body Works candles. Even the containers are nicer than Yankee Candle ones. And the scents are less artificial. But even with my love of candles it’s easy to go very wrong with a candle. Sweet, fruity scents? No way! Fresh, outdoor woodsy-type scents? Yes please.

It’s no surprise that they are the most frequently-seen item in our company white elephant event.

I don't know anyone who sends thank you cards. I've only received them once or twice in my life and I never send them.

I say thank you directly to the person when they give me the gift.

Just because cards are a thing to you doesn't mean they are a thing to others and obviously not to these coaches. It doesn't mean they didn't appreciate the gifts.

Surely they said thank you when she gave them in? Isn't that enough?

Yankee candles are 2 for £15.00 for the very big ones . Homebase.

@flowersforbrains

It's very kind of you and I would have sent a message to say thank you but I really think I'm in the minority.

I actually can't stand this need to give gifts to everyone and his wife. I used to volunteer with children for many years. We all put a lot of hours in and I really can't remember getting anything from any of the parents. I guess it was different times but there seemed to be a lot less angst back then.

Fully agree. Why do you feel the need to give them a gift? They're too expensive and maybe you are only doing it because others do. Be the first to stop this silliness.

I am 100% with you on this one. Next year no presents or cards. I think they may have gotten so many gifts they don't realise who gave what (more reason not to give anything next year) Did you write on it who it was from? If that's the case they may still acknowledge the gift. Please don't get too upset over it though. I am sure they did not mean to cause you upset.

Both my children do sporting activities. Some with volunteers and some fee paying. I buy a little gift for them. Something like bottle of wine or chocolates. Some text me to say thanks (those I tend to chat more with) some just thank my child when they pass them over. Either way I don’t mind. If they thanked your daughter when she handed them over then that is sufficient. I think you’re expecting more because you know how much the gifts cost. The recipient maybe doesn’t so doesn’t think they have to text you too.

Don't try to impress by buying expensive presents. Aldi do lovely candles that more than suffice. Do you want a thank you because you want to feel smug or that it's just rude not to receive one, even if you'd bought something from the pound shop?

This modern phenomenon of thanking everyone repeatedly and publicly is weird. What's wrong with thanking you (or your daughter) when they receive the gift, or sending a simple note if the gift was not given in person? Don't fall into the trap of competing with the other parents for the most Instagramworthy gift! Gifts for teachers and coaches should be simple signs of thanks, not a sort of bribe to show them who is the most fawning parent!!! You may not see it like that, but that is how it can come over. if you just give a simple, nice gift such as a small plant or a mug, they will know that you are out of the parent competition and giving the presents as a token of your appreciation.

I think it's very rude not to acknowledge a gift no matter what value it is...I've come to accept that children rarely write thankyou notes these days but I would expect a text from adults or children. It's just basic manners.