Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at not getting thank you note to acknowledge presents

364 replies

Londonlassie12 · 17/12/2021 00:25

My dd is in an elite team sport & last Xmas & this Xmas I sent her coaches (5 in total) lovely gifts I would be delighted to recieve (yankee candle gift set.. Full sized jar with 3 little candles ) Not one of the coaches text to say thanks... Dd brought them to training last Monday... I'm very disheartened... DH is more pragmatic, his theory is we pay a fortune for training, a card & bottle of wine should suffice & I should stop acting as if we owe anymore... Aibu to be upset at not having the (expensive) gifts acknowledged?

OP posts:
HaveringWavering · 17/12/2021 13:10

@Tenam

I wouldn’t expect a thank you from them but I think they were rude to acknowledge some gifts and not others. I had similar when my eldest was 7. She did a club which was funded by pupil premium as I was on benefits at the time. She really wanted to give the leaders a gift but I explained to her I couldn’t afford to buy anything. She spent hours making them cards and writing personal messages inside, she also made them each a snowflake out of glass beads to hang on their tree which took her ages. After the last session they posted a picture of a load of huge bouquets, boxes of chocolates, bought cards etc saying thank you for the gifts but my daughter’s weren’t included in the picture. I couldn’t help but feel a bit sad for my dd that the things she had worked so hard on were seemingly valued less than the expensive gifts. Obviously I was unreasonable to feel that way but it just seemed wrong to picture some and not others.
That’s awful! Your poor daughter. Did you ever mention it?
2022HereWeCome · 17/12/2021 13:12

@girlmom21 - no I would say thank you if receiving the present in person but then assuming I did not open it there and then (often gifts are given in advance of birthdays / Christmas) I would follow up with a phone call, text or written card depending on what was most suitable for the recipient. And if I received a parcel through the post I would let the sender know it arrived and then send some sort of thank you.

In the OPs situation I would be hurt that some gifts had been deemed worthy of acknowledging on social media and others hadn't. Also it would not be hard for a group message to be sent round on behalf of the coaches to say thank you to everyone for their lovely gifts.

Meowwwwwww · 17/12/2021 13:29

WHY is everyone harping on about whether or not they like candles? It doesn’t matter if the gift was a a diamond ring or a Facebook craft disaster, you thank someone for a gift. If the giver is a child you obviously know it came from her parents so you thank them. Were you
raised that you don’t have to thank someone for a gift if it’s not your cup of tea?? Or that holiday gifts don’t deserve a thank you if they were given in appreciation of your work?

I’m not into candles OR wine but would graciously thank anyone who went out of their way to give me a gift. The only thing I will say OP is that it takes time sometimes to get to writing a note. It would be nice if they dropped you an email or text right away but this is a busy time of year for everyone and they may not get to it until after the nee year.

FluffyBooBoo · 17/12/2021 13:34

If the giver is a child you obviously know it came from her parents so you thank them

Really?

Does every teacher get in touch with every parent to thank them for every gift they get?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 17/12/2021 13:42

I run a Brownie unit, I sometimes receive gifts from the girls and say thank you to them as they give them to me. I buy all of them a present, and they say thank you as I give them the present. No texts or notes are sent.

ItsSunnyOutside · 17/12/2021 13:45

Even if they don't like candles...you still say thank you. No excuse.

As a pp said, they may have said thank you to your dc and thought that was enough, to some people, that would be.

I can understand you being abit upset though op, thats alot of money to spend on gift for people you don't really know that well and its abit crap not one of them sent you a text or message on fb etc.
I wouldn't bother doing that again. Infact, I'd just send a card next time, no present!

sweeneytoddsrazor · 17/12/2021 13:46

If the giver is a child you obviously know it came from her parents so you thank them
The gift comes from the child not the parents. The parents have purchased it on behalf of the child.

TheVolturi · 17/12/2021 13:57

I always always buy presents for teachers at Christmas and at the end of summer term. Very few actually say thank you.

girlmom21 · 17/12/2021 14:04

@2022HereWeCome I agree with you about a follow up thank you if the gift hadn't been opened, to be fair, but it's a Christmas gift and Christmas isn't until next week so I think OP is being a bit premature

GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow · 17/12/2021 14:07

It wouldn't even occur to me to buy a gift for a tutor that you're paying anyway. At best maybe a card, but £175 in total is waaaaaay too much

Kite22 · 17/12/2021 14:10

The sets were 35 quid each

Shock Wow, and my heart sinks a little when someone gives me a candle. It will go even further down now I have read this. £175 on gifts to people that you aren't even related to, or close friends of ??? Some people must have VERY different budgets from me.

However, I agree with most - if someone hands over a present in person, then I wold thank them in person, there and then, not write a note - that would be reserved for someone I haven't seen, who sent a gift.

Wisenotboring · 17/12/2021 14:46

I also find it irritating when people simply do not acknowledge gifts and say thank you. When did that become ok?
However, I think spending so much on something they haven't asked for then expecting profuse thanks is a bit off. That's too much money to be spending when you don't even know if they like candles/which scent they prefer. I know some people love Yankee but personally they would go straight in the bin or to the charity as I am.very fussy about candles. They may just have thought they were some cheap candles...

2022HereWeCome · 17/12/2021 14:50

@girlmom21
wasn't very clear in my original post ... bottom line though is I wouldn't buy for coaches as this is excessive IMO. Most I do is contribute to the teachers kitty

ChristmasC · 17/12/2021 14:56

I'm guessing the gifts were thank you gifts(?) I don't usually expect thank you's, for thank you gifts (it could go on and on!!)

JulieGoods · 17/12/2021 15:26

I hasn't even occurred to me if my DDs coaches have thanked me for their cards/gifts?

We just do cards and boxes of chocolates and they go in DDs bag to training/practice with her.

She's finished her clubs now until next year but she came out of each of her classes with sweets/card from the coach/teacher and I waved and wished them a Merry Christmas and they to me. In the car I asked DD if she'd given them their cards and chocolates and if they were happy. She said yes, that was that.

Tenam · 17/12/2021 15:57

@HaveringWavering no, there was nothing to be gained by bringing it up. Dd was happy enough to have been able to give them something and hopefully at least one of them appreciated her efforts. Who knows maybe they still have glass beaded snowflakes hanging on their trees.

limitedperiodonly · 17/12/2021 17:09

@FluffyBooBoo

I would also be embarrassed to think you had spent that amount of money on me

I wouldn't be, because I wouldn't realise the value spent. I saw a gift set with two large, two medium, two small Yankee candles in jars plus I think twelve tealights for sale for £25, so I would have assumed the op spent half what she did.

Two opposite sides of the same snobbery coin here.
FluffyBooBoo · 17/12/2021 17:16

Huh? What's snobby about not knowing how much a Yankee candle gift set costs 🤣

limitedperiodonly · 17/12/2021 18:45

Didn''t you say it costs £25?

gabsdot45 · 17/12/2021 18:53

I think if you pay for extra curricular activities then there is no need to give the teachers presents.
Volunteers are different.
Those teachers probably received loads of gifts. Too many to acknowledge.

FluffyBooBoo · 17/12/2021 20:35

@limitedperiodonly

Didn''t you say it costs £25?
The one I saw did. Which is why I would have no idea that a smaller one would cost more.
RaPumPumPumPum · 18/12/2021 00:24

I really don’t understand people’s desperate need to be thanked for some naff gift, isn’t it about them not you? Also you don’t know what people are going through, I’ve had times when I’ve been going though hell personally and a saying thank you endlessly wouldn’t even cross my mind

rookiemere · 18/12/2021 08:04

As a result of this thread, I paid a visit to Yankee Candles yesterdayplus having visitors over and dog is a bit smelly at the minute.

Goodness me I had no idea that such cheap looking candles, could be so expensive. But even at that I managed to get a set of two festive minis for £15 in total.

Anyway sorry as I know that's not really the subject of the thread.

peaceatlastnot · 18/12/2021 08:13

I’m not in to candles so would definitely not be excited by that but they should say thank you to your daughter or to you.

IamGusFring · 18/12/2021 09:27

@rookiemere

As a result of this thread, I paid a visit to Yankee Candles yesterdayplus having visitors over and dog is a bit smelly at the minute.

Goodness me I had no idea that such cheap looking candles, could be so expensive. But even at that I managed to get a set of two festive minis for £15 in total.

Anyway sorry as I know that's not really the subject of the thread.

Jeez you need to get a life 😂
Swipe left for the next trending thread