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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rude school Dad. AIBU to say something?

600 replies

NadjaofAntipaxos · 15/12/2021 17:52

When I'm picking DS up from reception, parents queue up down a narrow space between the school building and a fence and the teacher stands in the doorway calling each child out in order of parents in the queue. It's a long queue, 30 kids to be collected. You have to wait a while if you're at the back. I'm usually one of the last in the queue as I collect older DD first from another playground, so I've never noticed this before but today she had a playdate so I was maybe number six in the queue waiting before the classroom door opened.

Shortly before the door opened, one Dad just strolled past everyone and stood at the front of the queue. Right past about 20 other people and collected his kid third or fourth. Proceeded to also have lengthy "bants" with the teacher, delaying everyone else's child getting called and signalling he is in no hurry.

I was quite astonished and said to the mum behind me "I'm assuming he has a good reason for pushing past everyone else who's waiting". She just rolled her eyes and shook her head and said "every night".

Now I have encountered this man before on a couple of occasions and I took against him then. Spidey senses signalled the twat-horn. When a few parents took our children to the park across from school and I was part of a group standing chatting which included his wife who seems lovely, he barged in and took over the conversation. I learned they have older kids, so it's not like he has to dash off and collect other kids. He announced he is now retired (would guess he is late 40s early 50s) and his wife works part time and apparently he's a self-made business man who likes to boast about his money . So not rushing back after school to start work again (like me and lots of other parents). There was also a streak of sexism too, man barges into group of women and takes over.

So clearly I am being petty to let this piss me off enough to write a Mumsnet thread about it. But what would you do? I should just get over it I know. But ... So. Annoying. (His self proclaimed cheeky chappy persona gives me rage.) And our kids are likely to have another 14 years of school together.

Or shall I make sure I start getting to school early so I can address it with him if he does his entitled push-in job again? What do I say? He is an arrogant fucker clearly so would need to be well considered. Hence asking you wise people.
Do I even email school in a PA fashion to ask that they send out an email to all re queueing etiquette? I feel lovely teachers have enough to deal with, especially as I noticed CF dad being told by teacher at parents evening he was "cheeky". Didn't hear the comment he made but know the teacher and her tone suggested "back the fuck off".
Yes yabu - move on, get a life
No yanbu - take him down, or try to and get egg on face

OP posts:
MsJaneAusten · 15/12/2021 18:57

@ImNotDancing

I’m not placemarking for tomorrow night. That would be so gauche
Me neither.
Serendipity79 · 15/12/2021 18:57

We had this with my sons class. And its a bloke in this case too! One mum had a quiet word with the teacher about the fact that he strolls past the rest of us who are patiently waiting in a queue with the correct social distance between us (SD and masks are back in our school atm) and he plants himself at the front of the line near the classroom door meaning his child comes out first. Cue lots of parents not happy - we've all got important places to be after school.

The class teacher is fab - so once she knows about this she calls out every other child aside from his for a few days, and he's last out every day - eventually super important Dad says "you keep missing my lad" - she says "Oh there's a queue and I always send the kids out in the right order, you aren't in the queue though?"

Next day, he's taking up a position in the queue just like he should be..... worth a try!

missymousey · 15/12/2021 18:58

You have the whole of MN behind you OP!

GroggyLegs · 15/12/2021 18:59

When picking up my child I'd ask the teacher 'Before I send an email about parent queuing behaviours to the head, can I check - is there a reason Brian's Dad doesn't have to queue while we all stand in the cold?'

Never mind bants, s/he's the one dispensing kids, and has the power to sort this bullshit right out without you having to stick your head above the parapet.

If that doesn't work... Yeah, call him out on that shit. Sounds like everyone's fed up of the wanker.

Honestly though the description of the queue makes me feel claustrophobic. Is that the best they can come up with? Ours are bought onto the playground & are dispensed one by one into a mob of waving parents & DGPs. It works well.

Porfre · 15/12/2021 18:59

I'd be contacting the school. And the unfortunately it will be down to the teacher to tell him to queue.

First they need to send out a letter. So of he kicks off, the rest of the parents can back up the teacher.

whenwillthemadnessend · 15/12/2021 19:00

Lol. What a
Knob

Place marking for
Update

Camii · 15/12/2021 19:02

This has given me the rage.
Can not bear self entitled, selfish people.
I would email the school office first just in case their some hideous extenuating circumstances (kid has urgent medical treatment straight from school... or whatever)

NMC2022 · 15/12/2021 19:02

Oh I would have to say something
Someone, at Dublin airport queue jumped, or tried to
To set the scene, everything was cancelled from flights to ferries and we had queued for 4hrs so far to change our tickets. When someone tried to queue jump. I'm not joking, the entire queue bellowed at him that the queue was "4hrs THAT way"
He was not getting past Grin

Camii · 15/12/2021 19:02

There is not their

Sexnotgender · 15/12/2021 19:03

The class teacher is fab - so once she knows about this she calls out every other child aside from his for a few days, and he's last out every day - eventually super important Dad says "you keep missing my lad" - she says "Oh there's a queue and I always send the kids out in the right order, you aren't in the queue though?"

Nicely played!

IAAP · 15/12/2021 19:05

@adoreyou

We had pushing in from some parents at our school. Just send an email to the office. The parents at ours were spoken to and no longer do it.
Email the office and point him out by name

If he does it again say we all queue here and I’ve noticed you barge to the front - are you blinkered to the fact there is a queue or do you see it just feel as a man you are more entitled -? But I’m confrontional about things like this and calling out make entitlement more

NandorTheRelentless · 15/12/2021 19:06

@Serendipity79

We had this with my sons class. And its a bloke in this case too! One mum had a quiet word with the teacher about the fact that he strolls past the rest of us who are patiently waiting in a queue with the correct social distance between us (SD and masks are back in our school atm) and he plants himself at the front of the line near the classroom door meaning his child comes out first. Cue lots of parents not happy - we've all got important places to be after school.

The class teacher is fab - so once she knows about this she calls out every other child aside from his for a few days, and he's last out every day - eventually super important Dad says "you keep missing my lad" - she says "Oh there's a queue and I always send the kids out in the right order, you aren't in the queue though?"

Next day, he's taking up a position in the queue just like he should be..... worth a try!

This is brilliant
Nat6999 · 15/12/2021 19:06

I would stick my leg out & trip him up or spread out so he can't get past.

AD80 · 15/12/2021 19:06

I think you are being ott. Yes he may be annoying but just ignore him. It sounds like you don't come across his often so just leave it. He likely won't change his ways and I would have more important things to worry about than that!!

KatherineJaneway · 15/12/2021 19:07

@LittleMG

Take. Him. Down.
Totally
tearinghairout · 15/12/2021 19:08

@GroggyLegs

When picking up my child I'd ask the teacher 'Before I send an email about parent queuing behaviours to the head, can I check - is there a reason Brian's Dad doesn't have to queue while we all stand in the cold?'

Never mind bants, s/he's the one dispensing kids, and has the power to sort this bullshit right out without you having to stick your head above the parapet.

If that doesn't work... Yeah, call him out on that shit. Sounds like everyone's fed up of the wanker.

Honestly though the description of the queue makes me feel claustrophobic. Is that the best they can come up with? Ours are bought onto the playground & are dispensed one by one into a mob of waving parents & DGPs. It works well.

Yep, I agree with this. Being a coward, I would speak to the teacher first so I hopefully wouldn't have to challenge him directly, and also to make doubly sure there isn't some reason Brian needs to leave first.
WorraLiberty · 15/12/2021 19:09

A whole queue of parents and a teacher and not a single person pointed out he needs to join the back of the queue? Confused

Jesus wept. I hope none of you have to travel by bus 👀

ancientgran · 15/12/2021 19:10

It would bother me just as much if a woman was doing it, in fact there was a mother like this at GSs school when he was in primary. She always parked really badly right on a corner opposite school sticking out into the road where school was. She was from a "known" family apparently, ignorance is bliss so while everyone else put up with it I had words with her. She backed down really quickly, I think she was amazed someone said something.

Her son was just the same, I heard he's in a PRU now.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/12/2021 19:11

Loving your teacher @Serendipity79 !

ancientgran · 15/12/2021 19:12

@Serendipity79

We had this with my sons class. And its a bloke in this case too! One mum had a quiet word with the teacher about the fact that he strolls past the rest of us who are patiently waiting in a queue with the correct social distance between us (SD and masks are back in our school atm) and he plants himself at the front of the line near the classroom door meaning his child comes out first. Cue lots of parents not happy - we've all got important places to be after school.

The class teacher is fab - so once she knows about this she calls out every other child aside from his for a few days, and he's last out every day - eventually super important Dad says "you keep missing my lad" - she says "Oh there's a queue and I always send the kids out in the right order, you aren't in the queue though?"

Next day, he's taking up a position in the queue just like he should be..... worth a try!

Beautifully dealt with. I bet parents love her.
KissedintheDark · 15/12/2021 19:13

@FrankGrillosWrist

Block him so he can’t get past, if he attempts it kick his legs from under him.
Grin Grin
4pmwinetimebebeh · 15/12/2021 19:13

What a knob! Speak up!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/12/2021 19:16

It would bother me as much if it were a woman too - there is a mum who kept doing it in the late queue at drop off (I obviously know because we were late once, and then I heard she always does it) but she was called out on it.

underneaththeash · 15/12/2021 19:17

You need a long umbrella.

And tell him.

I shouted a some bloke picking up "his" child at our school..he blanked me and muttered something in French and then proceeded forward. I speak enough French to be able to tell him to queue. Turned out to be an au pair. Host parents had to remind them that the English queue is very important and part of their cultural exchange.

whynotwhatknot · 15/12/2021 19:18

why is the teacher not saying anything-theres a queue and they should be saying ok mr twat i cant talk to you till youre its your turn or everyone will be late

im not posting just to bookmark though