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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rude school Dad. AIBU to say something?

600 replies

NadjaofAntipaxos · 15/12/2021 17:52

When I'm picking DS up from reception, parents queue up down a narrow space between the school building and a fence and the teacher stands in the doorway calling each child out in order of parents in the queue. It's a long queue, 30 kids to be collected. You have to wait a while if you're at the back. I'm usually one of the last in the queue as I collect older DD first from another playground, so I've never noticed this before but today she had a playdate so I was maybe number six in the queue waiting before the classroom door opened.

Shortly before the door opened, one Dad just strolled past everyone and stood at the front of the queue. Right past about 20 other people and collected his kid third or fourth. Proceeded to also have lengthy "bants" with the teacher, delaying everyone else's child getting called and signalling he is in no hurry.

I was quite astonished and said to the mum behind me "I'm assuming he has a good reason for pushing past everyone else who's waiting". She just rolled her eyes and shook her head and said "every night".

Now I have encountered this man before on a couple of occasions and I took against him then. Spidey senses signalled the twat-horn. When a few parents took our children to the park across from school and I was part of a group standing chatting which included his wife who seems lovely, he barged in and took over the conversation. I learned they have older kids, so it's not like he has to dash off and collect other kids. He announced he is now retired (would guess he is late 40s early 50s) and his wife works part time and apparently he's a self-made business man who likes to boast about his money . So not rushing back after school to start work again (like me and lots of other parents). There was also a streak of sexism too, man barges into group of women and takes over.

So clearly I am being petty to let this piss me off enough to write a Mumsnet thread about it. But what would you do? I should just get over it I know. But ... So. Annoying. (His self proclaimed cheeky chappy persona gives me rage.) And our kids are likely to have another 14 years of school together.

Or shall I make sure I start getting to school early so I can address it with him if he does his entitled push-in job again? What do I say? He is an arrogant fucker clearly so would need to be well considered. Hence asking you wise people.
Do I even email school in a PA fashion to ask that they send out an email to all re queueing etiquette? I feel lovely teachers have enough to deal with, especially as I noticed CF dad being told by teacher at parents evening he was "cheeky". Didn't hear the comment he made but know the teacher and her tone suggested "back the fuck off".
Yes yabu - move on, get a life
No yanbu - take him down, or try to and get egg on face

OP posts:
2catsandhappy · 15/12/2021 19:22

Swift handbag to the crotch. Seriously though, a word with the teacher should sort it. That whole bants thing is him letting everyone know that his time is more important than everyone elses. Ghastly little man.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 15/12/2021 19:22

I would probably try and check his child has no SEN before calling him out just in case but if he is just being rude I think you are totally reasonable to say something next time.

Wombat69 · 15/12/2021 19:24

Oooh, what job requires conflict?

I attract conflict or it finds me in every job, so I've ended up not working. If it was part of the essential requirements... 😎😁⚒️

My gob would have in full overdrive in this situation.

Wombat69 · 15/12/2021 19:24

*been

Timeisavirtue · 15/12/2021 19:24

I wouldn’t bother saying anything, it won’t make a difference unless a couple of you mention it.
Dds class has one, the kid used to be in the other class and then they mixed them up and now he’s in dd class. Dad is an absolute asshole. He’s constantly boasting about how far ahead his son is and never misses a chance to bring it up when we have parent forums etc, everyone steers clear of him. His boy gets very upset if he’s not the best at everything, one time he struggled doing a project and he came out in floods of tears because he wasn’t the best, not because he couldn’t do it. One time he came out crying and told his dad that he was upset because someone in the class has more star of the day awards than him, (which was my daughter but I didn’t say anything) the dad tells him ‘it’s because you are better than everyone so the rest of the class need to catch up’ I couldn’t believe it, There’s encouraging your child and there’s putting them on a pedestal. When he gets knocked off it’s gonna be a shock to reality. Some parents think they above and beyond everyone...

Unsure33 · 15/12/2021 19:25

I had a similar problem with a work colleague when waiting to get in for a meal . He pushed in front of all of us . I just said very loudly “ did your parents not teach you any manners? “

He said what?

I said “ even my children know it’s rude to push in. “

He went quiet and moved back to where he was.

Onlinedilema · 15/12/2021 19:28

Of he tried pushing in front of me I would say "There is a queue, that's the end of." Then point to where he should be. He would only push in front of me once.
If he starts to talk shit about how important he is or his kid is, I would cut him dead and say "Yeah, we all want to get home."

I also would not engage him in conversation but that's me. I don't tolerate dickheads.

PollyPepper · 15/12/2021 19:36

Well I for one am very excited and patiently and excitedly await an update!

MeridianB · 15/12/2021 19:39

@Serendipity79

We had this with my sons class. And its a bloke in this case too! One mum had a quiet word with the teacher about the fact that he strolls past the rest of us who are patiently waiting in a queue with the correct social distance between us (SD and masks are back in our school atm) and he plants himself at the front of the line near the classroom door meaning his child comes out first. Cue lots of parents not happy - we've all got important places to be after school.

The class teacher is fab - so once she knows about this she calls out every other child aside from his for a few days, and he's last out every day - eventually super important Dad says "you keep missing my lad" - she says "Oh there's a queue and I always send the kids out in the right order, you aren't in the queue though?"

Next day, he's taking up a position in the queue just like he should be..... worth a try!

This. I’d have a quiet word with teacher. Because if you say ‘There’s a queue, you know’ he will either ignore or laugh it off. He sounds like a total arse.
ancientgran · 15/12/2021 19:39

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

It would bother me as much if it were a woman too - there is a mum who kept doing it in the late queue at drop off (I obviously know because we were late once, and then I heard she always does it) but she was called out on it.
Yes they need calling out. I have to admit I was a tiny bit worried when some mums told me I'd called out the DIL of the local drug lord. Still glad I did it.
ivykaty44 · 15/12/2021 19:41

in 1973 we were waiting in a queue of cars to enter the former Yugoslavia. The queue was very long to cross the boarder, but we were getting near the front. A large black mercury sailed passed on the other side, right to the front of the queue.

the guard stepped forward with what looked like an AKA47, used the weapon to motion "back "back"

the driver ended up reversing all the way back out of sight - I take it to the very back of the queue

possibly this would be overkill for the dad at school & you might not have an AKA47

kungfupannda · 15/12/2021 19:41

There's a mum with a child in my youngest's class who used to do this every day in reception where we had to queue to drop off. Lots of loud 'Come on, Tarquin, I'm in a terrible hurry. Just go to the front. Come on. Push through.' After a while, everyone started forming a sort of wall with their bodies, bags and children. She tried pushing the child through people's legs but eventually gave up and resorted to loud huffing and puffing.

She was never actually in a hurry as far as I could tell, given that she had time for lengthy conversations with everyone she met on the way out. Dad once did drop-off and did exactly the same thing - long queue, and he just strolled to the front as the doors opened. You could almost feel the simmering rage. If I'd been at the front I think I would have had to say something.

kungfupannda · 15/12/2021 19:43

@ivykaty44

in 1973 we were waiting in a queue of cars to enter the former Yugoslavia. The queue was very long to cross the boarder, but we were getting near the front. A large black mercury sailed passed on the other side, right to the front of the queue.

the guard stepped forward with what looked like an AKA47, used the weapon to motion "back "back"

the driver ended up reversing all the way back out of sight - I take it to the very back of the queue

possibly this would be overkill for the dad at school & you might not have an AKA47

No, an AKA47 would definitely not be overkill.
Strangeways19 · 15/12/2021 19:43

I bet he makes financial contributions to the school which is why they tolerate him & his bolshy ways

areallthenamesusedup · 15/12/2021 19:44

To be honest, I am not sure this is for the school to sort out nor for the PA (I think you mean Parents Association) to address.

How about a quiet word in his ear. "Hi, not sure if you had noticed but there is a queue....."

If you are comfortable talking to him on your own is there another parent you could double-up with?

Good luck!

Lasair · 15/12/2021 19:45

That would make me so mad

kungfupannda · 15/12/2021 19:46

@HopefulProcrastinator

I'd be brazen about it. Just before he reached my point in the queue I'd step out, walk to the front myself very slowly and collect my child first daring him to say even a single word that would invite an open and very vocal criticism to his entitlement and contempt for other parents.

And I'd do this every single time until chaos descended from fed up parents or the teacher actually realising their neat little queue is in sudden jeopardy if they don't stop appeasing the dickhead father.

But then I'm also the crazy woman who shames high school kids into picking up their litter so I have form.

You could enlist all the other parents to do the same, so the queue is constantly reforming with the back person at the front, until everyone is plastered against the door with twatdad at the back.
Runningupthecurtains · 15/12/2021 19:46

I would be the mouthy one that said something loudly to him expecting everyone to back me up but instead they would all gasp in shock because they would all know the perfectly legitimate reason why Twat junior needs to be collected first. I would never live down the shame of being the awful cow that humiliated Twat junior and everyone
would pointed at me and shun me until the end of time.

NeilTheBaby12 · 15/12/2021 19:49

Theres a woman like this at my DS's school. No matter how late she arrives she ALWAYS ends up collecting her child first. It drives me to distraction. We have to wait for the gates to be unlocked before we can start our 'official' queue. She used to approach whichever parent was at the front by the gates and chat so that she could enter first but now she lets her 1 year old out of their pushchair and allows them to toddle up to the gates so she then has to retrieve them and then hangs out by the gate until they're opened.

Double3xposure · 15/12/2021 19:51

@WhatScratch

Is there definitely no legitimate reason that his child has to be collected first?
Yes of course there is . He has a penis which makes his time more valuable than all these silly women who have nothing better to do.
OkThenJustChill · 15/12/2021 19:52

Do it. If we don't make a stand against the CFers of this world then they will continue to walk all over us. He needs to be taken down a peg or two.

Babymamaroon · 15/12/2021 19:54

Maybe I've got bigger problems to worry about in my life but...does it really matter?!

In the grand scheme of all that is wrong in this world I just couldn't get that worked up about this.

StarfishDish · 15/12/2021 19:57

Queue jumpers is one of the (many!) things that wind me up! I either block them or loudly say 'Sorry, there's actually a queue here?'

In a pub near us, people always queue at the bar. One man walked past at least 20 people to the front and got served! I did shout 'Excuse me! There is a queue?' and was met with a mouthful of abuse (which he got back!).

The bar man actually served me before him which annoyed him even more Xmas Grin

Double3xposure · 15/12/2021 19:58

@Babymamaroon

Maybe I've got bigger problems to worry about in my life but...does it really matter?!

In the grand scheme of all that is wrong in this world I just couldn't get that worked up about this.

@Babymamaroon - you seem to be missing the point of MN. Or indeed social media in general.

But don’t be dismayed, there are plenty other websites available where you can discuss curing cancer, global warming, ending poverty and world peace.

HestersSamplerofCarrots · 15/12/2021 19:58

Kneecap him.

I don’t care that others will be along saying ‘rise above it’ and ‘be the bigger person’ - balls to that.

Trip him up, tie his shoelaces together, shove him into the pegs at parents evening, accidentally splash him with a puddle when you drop a bag in it next to him… I don’t care, just take him down a peg or two.

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