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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Rude school Dad. AIBU to say something?

600 replies

NadjaofAntipaxos · 15/12/2021 17:52

When I'm picking DS up from reception, parents queue up down a narrow space between the school building and a fence and the teacher stands in the doorway calling each child out in order of parents in the queue. It's a long queue, 30 kids to be collected. You have to wait a while if you're at the back. I'm usually one of the last in the queue as I collect older DD first from another playground, so I've never noticed this before but today she had a playdate so I was maybe number six in the queue waiting before the classroom door opened.

Shortly before the door opened, one Dad just strolled past everyone and stood at the front of the queue. Right past about 20 other people and collected his kid third or fourth. Proceeded to also have lengthy "bants" with the teacher, delaying everyone else's child getting called and signalling he is in no hurry.

I was quite astonished and said to the mum behind me "I'm assuming he has a good reason for pushing past everyone else who's waiting". She just rolled her eyes and shook her head and said "every night".

Now I have encountered this man before on a couple of occasions and I took against him then. Spidey senses signalled the twat-horn. When a few parents took our children to the park across from school and I was part of a group standing chatting which included his wife who seems lovely, he barged in and took over the conversation. I learned they have older kids, so it's not like he has to dash off and collect other kids. He announced he is now retired (would guess he is late 40s early 50s) and his wife works part time and apparently he's a self-made business man who likes to boast about his money . So not rushing back after school to start work again (like me and lots of other parents). There was also a streak of sexism too, man barges into group of women and takes over.

So clearly I am being petty to let this piss me off enough to write a Mumsnet thread about it. But what would you do? I should just get over it I know. But ... So. Annoying. (His self proclaimed cheeky chappy persona gives me rage.) And our kids are likely to have another 14 years of school together.

Or shall I make sure I start getting to school early so I can address it with him if he does his entitled push-in job again? What do I say? He is an arrogant fucker clearly so would need to be well considered. Hence asking you wise people.
Do I even email school in a PA fashion to ask that they send out an email to all re queueing etiquette? I feel lovely teachers have enough to deal with, especially as I noticed CF dad being told by teacher at parents evening he was "cheeky". Didn't hear the comment he made but know the teacher and her tone suggested "back the fuck off".
Yes yabu - move on, get a life
No yanbu - take him down, or try to and get egg on face

OP posts:
RoastedParnsip · 15/12/2021 18:22

YABU to not say something at the time, saying something now is just pointless.

Snowmanuel · 15/12/2021 18:23

@LittleMG

Take. Him. Down.
Ha! I came to say exactly this. Full stops and all.
ADialgaAteMyDog · 15/12/2021 18:23

Tinkly. Little. Laugh.
"oh sorry twatdad, hahaha, there's a QUEUE.". HUMILIATE THE FUCKER.

AstroBunny · 15/12/2021 18:23

See I just don't understand this. I'm not someone who courts trouble, I v rarely have any beef with anyone (I work in London twice a week, in a male dominated, hubristic industry, commuting alongside some of the world's most arrogant men and manage not to have any cross words). Yet if the guy you describe did to me what he did to you and the other mums, I would end him Grin

thelegohooverer · 15/12/2021 18:25

Can you not just poke a leg out and trip him up as he passes? It easily happens when you have to do a bit of spontaneous stretching when you’ve been stood queuing for a while.

A mistimed buggy in his path another day, pick something off the path so he has to somersault over you, etc.

And always be very surprised because you weren’t expecting anyone to be coming from behind.

If he doesn’t catch on after a couple of days, maybe some of the others might join in too and he might think twice about running the gauntlet.

But always maintain plausible deniability.

I8toys · 15/12/2021 18:26

Why has no one said anything before? Grow a spine? I'd be beside myself but then again I can start an argument in an empty room.

Claphands · 15/12/2021 18:27

Shout out “oi, there s a queue here!” Then laugh because as much as I’d be tempted to take him down a peg or 2 you don’t want it to be only YOU who says anything, if you do this other people might do too when he tries it again. Hopefully

JuergenSchwarzwald · 15/12/2021 18:27

@Steelesauce

Just say something next time it happens. 'There's a queue ya know?'. Whats the worst that could happen?
Quite. I am quite amazed that everyone is allowing this guy to push in. Is there not one woman there with some assertiveness in her?
WhatScratch · 15/12/2021 18:27

Is there definitely no legitimate reason that his child has to be collected first?

Bluetrews25 · 15/12/2021 18:27

Email the teacher. Get her to tell him to join the queue, or just not call his DC forward until the end, so there will be no advantage for him. Needs to come from the school.

Askingforfriend · 15/12/2021 18:28

I think I'd have to loudly say "anyone else unhappy that he barged to the front?"

WhatTimeIsItMrGinola · 15/12/2021 18:28

@Seeingadistance

Get organised.

You all need to come forward, one by one, and stand in front of him till he’s at the back.

You may have to form a human pyramid at the front.

You may have to form a human pyramid at the front

Grin This!! What an image - he wouldn't forget it in a hurry lol

SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree · 15/12/2021 18:28

I would stand on the side of the corridor he'll be wandering up to pass you by. Or block it with an arm or a pram or something. He turns up and says excuse me, you: yes? God I'm having a whole fantasy argument with this guy in my head right now!

PurpleSproutingSomething · 15/12/2021 18:31

I would be getting there as early as possible to make sure I was first. There is no way that fucker would be pushing past me.

Get to the back of the queue cheekyfuckingdad, merry christmas Xmas Grin

krustykittens · 15/12/2021 18:31

Christ, this infuriates me! Just say, "Oi! Do we look like we are queuing for our health?" and if he tries to argue, "You ain't special." I noticed so many men using social distancing to queue jump and I am so over it.

PurpleSproutingSomething · 15/12/2021 18:31

@SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree

I would stand on the side of the corridor he'll be wandering up to pass you by. Or block it with an arm or a pram or something. He turns up and says excuse me, you: yes? God I'm having a whole fantasy argument with this guy in my head right now!
He's properly given me the rage.
lesenfantsdelesperance · 15/12/2021 18:32

This would really get my goat. Definitely don't let him do it. Hate this sort of sense of entitlement.

HopefulProcrastinator · 15/12/2021 18:33

I'd be brazen about it. Just before he reached my point in the queue I'd step out, walk to the front myself very slowly and collect my child first daring him to say even a single word that would invite an open and very vocal criticism to his entitlement and contempt for other parents.

And I'd do this every single time until chaos descended from fed up parents or the teacher actually realising their neat little queue is in sudden jeopardy if they don't stop appeasing the dickhead father.

But then I'm also the crazy woman who shames high school kids into picking up their litter so I have form.

ivykaty44 · 15/12/2021 18:33

op what do you intend doing about his disdain of queuing ?

I know what id say so he never made a mug of other waiting in line

thedefinitionofmadness · 15/12/2021 18:34

Teacher needs to tell him to take his place at the back of the queue. Get the professional to do the dirty work.

BUT be sure his DC doesn't need an early dart for legit reason, or have SEN that mean is collected first.

thedefinitionofmadness · 15/12/2021 18:35

I can picture him btw and feel a deep loathing rising in my chest. I am TIRED of entitled, oblivious, older men.

Helpstopthepain · 15/12/2021 18:35

I’m obviously far to lazy to get worked up about something like this.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/12/2021 18:35

Depends if your child is likely to be friends with his- only just started- long school life ahead, pick your battles

stonebrambleboy · 15/12/2021 18:37

Shamelessly place marking. I need to know what happens tomorrow!

Flowerflumps · 15/12/2021 18:39

Probably would go a different route to most. I wouldn't point out the queue because like you said he would probably have some comment back as to why he is special. I would make a big deal of following suit.

"Oh do we not queue anymore?" And following him right to the front and wait for the response of teacher/ everyone else. Then explain in my naivety that because he does it I thought the school must have stopped it