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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Rude school Dad. AIBU to say something?

600 replies

NadjaofAntipaxos · 15/12/2021 17:52

When I'm picking DS up from reception, parents queue up down a narrow space between the school building and a fence and the teacher stands in the doorway calling each child out in order of parents in the queue. It's a long queue, 30 kids to be collected. You have to wait a while if you're at the back. I'm usually one of the last in the queue as I collect older DD first from another playground, so I've never noticed this before but today she had a playdate so I was maybe number six in the queue waiting before the classroom door opened.

Shortly before the door opened, one Dad just strolled past everyone and stood at the front of the queue. Right past about 20 other people and collected his kid third or fourth. Proceeded to also have lengthy "bants" with the teacher, delaying everyone else's child getting called and signalling he is in no hurry.

I was quite astonished and said to the mum behind me "I'm assuming he has a good reason for pushing past everyone else who's waiting". She just rolled her eyes and shook her head and said "every night".

Now I have encountered this man before on a couple of occasions and I took against him then. Spidey senses signalled the twat-horn. When a few parents took our children to the park across from school and I was part of a group standing chatting which included his wife who seems lovely, he barged in and took over the conversation. I learned they have older kids, so it's not like he has to dash off and collect other kids. He announced he is now retired (would guess he is late 40s early 50s) and his wife works part time and apparently he's a self-made business man who likes to boast about his money . So not rushing back after school to start work again (like me and lots of other parents). There was also a streak of sexism too, man barges into group of women and takes over.

So clearly I am being petty to let this piss me off enough to write a Mumsnet thread about it. But what would you do? I should just get over it I know. But ... So. Annoying. (His self proclaimed cheeky chappy persona gives me rage.) And our kids are likely to have another 14 years of school together.

Or shall I make sure I start getting to school early so I can address it with him if he does his entitled push-in job again? What do I say? He is an arrogant fucker clearly so would need to be well considered. Hence asking you wise people.
Do I even email school in a PA fashion to ask that they send out an email to all re queueing etiquette? I feel lovely teachers have enough to deal with, especially as I noticed CF dad being told by teacher at parents evening he was "cheeky". Didn't hear the comment he made but know the teacher and her tone suggested "back the fuck off".
Yes yabu - move on, get a life
No yanbu - take him down, or try to and get egg on face

OP posts:
Laiste · 13/01/2022 13:35

Oh god i never saw the update back in Dec !!

A belated well done OP. I would LOVE to know how it's going now.

I was actually thinking of this thread yesterday when one of the blokes who NEVER make it to the back of the queue was so obviously scoping for someone to stand with as he came up the road.

He got to a woman 2 in front of me who occasionally has her DP with her. The DP is someone queue jumper bloke uses to not have to walk to the back of the queue. It's never big friendly stuff with the DP - just: Hi. Oh hi. sniff. shuffle shuffle.

Anyway this day woman was alone and Bloke stopped and stood with her said hi and they never shared another word! He sort of just stood near her on his phone Angry There was 20 odd people behind us.

Queue Jumping Wanker.

MrsColon · 13/01/2022 15:14

Hoping than a grandmother with a stickler for manners sees him at pickup!

This! My grandma would be epic. "Young man! I say, you! What do you think you're doing?" sort of thing.

BlowDryRat · 13/01/2022 15:29

He sounds like a muppet. Well done OP!

Cattenberg · 13/01/2022 15:37

Well done OP!

I hope he is also shamed by small children with loud piping voices. “MUMMY, LOOK AT THAT NAUGHTY MAN! HE PUSHED IN!”

“WHY DID THAT MAN PUSH IN THE QUEUE? PUSHING IN IS RUDE AND SELFISH!”

“MUMMY! THE RUDE MAN’S COMING!”

Isonthecase · 13/01/2022 15:44

Also here for the update, well done OP and I do love a bit of queue based justice 👏👏👏

SnowDropMania · 13/01/2022 16:34

I missed the update too. What an entitled arse he sounds!

starrynight87 · 13/01/2022 16:38

This needs to be made into an episode of Motherland!

Kennykenkencat · 13/01/2022 17:17

@NadjaofAntipaxos

I did it. And he SHOUTED AT ME.

I was right at the back so I walked to him in his usual spot and asked if there was a reason why he walks past everyone to the front of the queue everyday. He said there was nothing stopping anyone else from doing it. I pointed out erm...manners and said is this just the queue for people with a penis then? Cause you just walk past all these women. He shouted "How dare YOU talk to ME like that, go on, JOG ON". Pointing to the back of the queue!

I just said "I've got nothing left to say, everyone can hear you" and walked off to the back of the queue. I wish I had thought of something wittier at the time but I kinda think his behaviour said it all much better anyway and I didn't end up in a slanging match.

On their way out loads of people were saying "that was brilliant", "finally someone's said something" etc. One mum said you've got bigger balls than me love well done.

His kid came out and instead of leaving he just stood there for some reason, perhaps to make some sort of point? By that time a couple of mum's from DDs year had joined the back of the queue and l was chatting and laughing with them and their children about Christmas. I didn't bother to look his way.

We went to the pub after school and there were a few different groups of parents talking about it and how awful he is. One dad bought me a drink and said I was immense 😁 Lots of different stories were recounted about his knob headishness. My favourite was one dad overhearing him boasting about his holiday in Turkey and how it was shit that they went to a pharmacy and the pharmacist didn't even speak English. And yeah, I know it's Turkey but they should know English people go there on holiday shouldn't they.
Honestly.
I am quite sure he will make a point of continuing to push to the front. I also think he will also make a point of trying to somehow teach me a lesson as that's the kind of strange little man he is but I really don't much care. I think I might just laugh at him.

Congratulations on saying something.

Tbh though what would really piss me off is everyone who was in the queue and heard what was going on who never said a word in support then saying thank you after

Atm this guy just thinks you out of all the parents stood there are the only one who has a problem with him jumping the queue and him telling you to go back to the back of the queue and you did.

SnowDropMania · 13/01/2022 17:20

@starrynight87

This needs to be made into an episode of Motherland!
Yes Grin
AppleKatie · 13/01/2022 17:44

Atm this guy just thinks you out of all the parents stood there are the only one who has a problem with him jumping the queue and him telling you to go back to the back of the queue and you did.

Yes this worried me too- what’s the situation this term OP?

CovidCorvid · 13/01/2022 17:45

Shocked by the update and his response. But you know what, he’s a rude entitled arse and I bet he acts like this in all walks of life. People,won’t like him. He’ll bring his kids up to be entitled twats which will bite him on the arse when they act like entitled twats.

I would however try and get the teacher on side. She has the power to ignore him and call his kid out last every day.

lorca · 13/01/2022 18:04

I used to live in Bournemouth - lots of International language students there, from all over the world, who have no concept of queuing at bus-stops! They soon learn tho Grin

And I once told a couple of young adults where the food queue was (on a ferry - in German! 'Here is the snake' - Not a typo. that's how they say it Grin)

Hope he's learned, OP.

ginexplorer · 13/01/2022 19:09

I’m quite authoritative having to often deal with people at work in my senior leadership role in a firm but diplomatic way ( twat clients, difficult project managers , people not doing their job properly) so I’d have no qualms speaking up to say quite directly in my very professional voice ‘excuse me I think you need to join the queue please- we are also waiting ‘. If he talked back - I’d enjoy having him for breakfast and wouldn’t back down. I actually think it would be quite entertaining/ embarrassing for the other Mum’s although I’m sure the Disney ones would just think I’m wasting my energy and I’m a ball buster! My kids would probably die of embarrassment too. Quite frankly I’d have to do it though. Couldn’t stand months of it. It would piss me off. Im not confrontational by nature but queuing jumping in our country is a massive cultural faux pas!

BigRedDuck · 13/01/2022 19:23

Come on OP! What has the new term brought?!

Suzi888 · 13/01/2022 19:26

@PuntasticUsername

Fuck the cunt up. Stale lemon drizzle cake to the back of the head should do it.
🤣

I couldn’t bring myself to say anything, but would probably mutter under my breath loud enough for him to hear.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 14/01/2022 01:09

I'm so glad you said something!
But in reality this is the fault of the teacher - she should never have facilitated his entitled behaviour, nor spent time chatting to him - she should have said from the off "There is a queue here, you know" for both points.

His entitlement has been allowed to continue until you stepped in - now everyone has to continue your good work otherwise he'll just keep getting away with it. I hope they all rally round in the queue itself and point out that he's an entitled twat, rather than just letting him get away with it again.

lborgia · 14/01/2022 03:40

Thing is though, @ThumbWitchesAbroad, if he's in place by the time the teacher comes out, how would she know? This may already have been covered before Christmas, I don't remember if we got that detail. Grin

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 14/01/2022 03:45

True - but apparently she keeps talking to him rather than fetching the other children as well, thereby delaying pick up for other parents. That in itself should have been knocked on the head.

lborgia · 14/01/2022 04:05

True enoughSmile

GinAndMe · 16/01/2022 19:59

We need an update OP

VivaDixie · 16/01/2022 23:56

Argh sorry didn't link properly

phishy · 16/01/2022 23:58

OP is not coming back.

caringcarer · 17/01/2022 00:29

As he strides by you, just stick your foot out and trip him up. Then comment you should be at back of the queue.

Lozzie86 · 18/01/2022 21:18

Please give us an update!

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