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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Rude school Dad. AIBU to say something?

600 replies

NadjaofAntipaxos · 15/12/2021 17:52

When I'm picking DS up from reception, parents queue up down a narrow space between the school building and a fence and the teacher stands in the doorway calling each child out in order of parents in the queue. It's a long queue, 30 kids to be collected. You have to wait a while if you're at the back. I'm usually one of the last in the queue as I collect older DD first from another playground, so I've never noticed this before but today she had a playdate so I was maybe number six in the queue waiting before the classroom door opened.

Shortly before the door opened, one Dad just strolled past everyone and stood at the front of the queue. Right past about 20 other people and collected his kid third or fourth. Proceeded to also have lengthy "bants" with the teacher, delaying everyone else's child getting called and signalling he is in no hurry.

I was quite astonished and said to the mum behind me "I'm assuming he has a good reason for pushing past everyone else who's waiting". She just rolled her eyes and shook her head and said "every night".

Now I have encountered this man before on a couple of occasions and I took against him then. Spidey senses signalled the twat-horn. When a few parents took our children to the park across from school and I was part of a group standing chatting which included his wife who seems lovely, he barged in and took over the conversation. I learned they have older kids, so it's not like he has to dash off and collect other kids. He announced he is now retired (would guess he is late 40s early 50s) and his wife works part time and apparently he's a self-made business man who likes to boast about his money . So not rushing back after school to start work again (like me and lots of other parents). There was also a streak of sexism too, man barges into group of women and takes over.

So clearly I am being petty to let this piss me off enough to write a Mumsnet thread about it. But what would you do? I should just get over it I know. But ... So. Annoying. (His self proclaimed cheeky chappy persona gives me rage.) And our kids are likely to have another 14 years of school together.

Or shall I make sure I start getting to school early so I can address it with him if he does his entitled push-in job again? What do I say? He is an arrogant fucker clearly so would need to be well considered. Hence asking you wise people.
Do I even email school in a PA fashion to ask that they send out an email to all re queueing etiquette? I feel lovely teachers have enough to deal with, especially as I noticed CF dad being told by teacher at parents evening he was "cheeky". Didn't hear the comment he made but know the teacher and her tone suggested "back the fuck off".
Yes yabu - move on, get a life
No yanbu - take him down, or try to and get egg on face

OP posts:
Onlyhuman123 · 10/01/2022 14:24

OP, what's been happening since the start of the new term??? I've just spent the last 20 minutes, at work, reading your original post and everyone's reply...you have NO idea how invested I am in your post!! I'm staggered that he shouted at you and not one parent had your back!

If he's still up to his old antics, I would do as Flowerflumps suggested; follow him to the front of the queue and wait for the response. Plus I would definitely email school.

Please let us know the latest! :)

Franklyfrost · 10/01/2022 14:40

Well done you. Respect!

MrsKDB · 10/01/2022 14:52

you are, indeed, IMMENSE!! well done, this update has made my day.

CheltenhamLady · 10/01/2022 14:53

Fabulous Op. I hate people who are entitled enough to think queuing is not for them but simply for the rest of us. I always comment on it.

gregaliara · 10/01/2022 14:56

Don't put up with that, just politely tell him to get on the end of the queue . The FAR QUEUE he will get the sneaky meaning !

ElftonWednesday · 10/01/2022 14:56

Disappointed that there hasn't been another update after seeing new posts.

Nononoah · 10/01/2022 15:03

I'm so in need of an update too pls op?

Jacketpotato84 · 10/01/2022 15:07

If it was me, a polite but stern
Excuse me, we are all queuing up here please wait your turn to pick your child up, loud enough so a few people can hear.

EvilPea · 10/01/2022 15:07

Oh fabulous. Well done you! Just seen this. I was going to say try and engage him in conversation but make it a passive aggressive one about how he “must have an important job to get back to as he aways pushes in”.
But you did better! Well done.

I have one at secondary where it’s lots of dads at pick up, believe me I KNOW the type.

DottyHarmer · 10/01/2022 15:13

Blimey, my blood is boiling and I have absolutely no involvement!

But you see this everywhere: the person who breezes past a long line queuing out of the post office door and walks right up to the counter; the entitled prat who sidles to the front of the Costa/M&S cafe queue and when accosted says, “Oh, I only want a coffee” (like everyone else is ordering a gazelleburger), the person who swings into a car park space as you are just reversing into it…..

Dh received a round of applause at the station (pre-pandemic) when there was a queuing system to get onto a crowded train. This man every single day sneaked in from the side. Dh asked the man why he felt special enough to jump the queue. The man snarled that there was no law saying you had to queue, but he slunk off and after that used another carriage. Dh’s fellow commuters (who of course never speak to each other) clapped him. Dh was immensely proud as he is usually a wimp, but the mildest people are moved to action when queueing protocol is breached!!

Ohisitreally · 10/01/2022 15:29

Hi OP I hope the knob has been behaving since the beginning of term !!

wonderstuff · 10/01/2022 15:49

Another one who read this today and is super invested. Well done for confronting him OP.

ButtOutBobsMum · 10/01/2022 15:50

Just seen the OPs December update. Given that he says there’s nothing stopping anyone else doing it, all of the other mums should gang together and one by one poke in front of him until he’s at the back of the queue! It could be quite a fun pastime until the doors open!

Would love to know if he’s done it again since the schools have gone back.

PrinnyPree · 10/01/2022 15:51

Well done OP, hate a bloody queue jumper I'm the same! I had a go at someone who tried to queue jump a massive line for a cash machine outside a club many years ago, I was also slightly tipsy so had Dutch courage, luckily they just did the walk of shame to the back of the queue rather than argue the toss. Grin

Hope the other parents in the queue are buoyed by your example though and don't let him get away with it again. X

Orchidflower1 · 10/01/2022 15:55

Fabulous work @NadjaofAntipaxos - hope you had a fab festive season. How has is been since term started? Did he have his red carpet installed over the holidays ready for the first day back?

Wankerchief · 10/01/2022 16:03

I too work in a shop and go all out on those who push in.
It’s the same people week after week, they truly have no shame

bendmeoverbackwards · 10/01/2022 16:04

Well done OP but I am utterly appalled that not one person supported you publicly.

Women should support other women. No scrap that, people should support others. What is wrong with people?? No backbone. This is how bullies get away with stuff. No one calls it out. I hate this walk on by society 😡

UniversalAunt · 10/01/2022 16:17

As he whizzes past next time, deploy best foghorn voice & project…

‘Oy mate, there’s a queue y’know’
‘Excuse me, do you know that there is a queue here?’

Loud as you can.
No-one will get in your way.

New term, new order…

UniversalAunt · 10/01/2022 16:20

D’oh, zombie thread.
That said @NadjaofAntipaxos, you are a legend.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 10/01/2022 16:22

Oh well done!
Although, it seems all the other parents are very cowardly

Doggydoodah123 · 10/01/2022 16:26

It kinda makes me mad how he shouted at you, what a prick. I'm afraid I doubt he'll suddenly stop jumping the queue though, I imagine he'll make it his mission to carry on regardless as he won't have liked being called out. If he carries on then I think I would email the school.

Hugoslavia · 10/01/2022 16:50

Surely, if it's a narrow space you can just stick your elbows out and block him?

LookItsMeAgain · 10/01/2022 16:53

It's not a Zombie Thread @UniversalAunt - it was only created on 15th December 2021.
It's less than 1 month old.

MaggieFS · 10/01/2022 17:02

Just wondering if there have been any changes this term? WELL DONE OP for saying something.

Thirtytimesround · 10/01/2022 17:21

I suspect the teacher may actually be finding him very difficult to deal with, and something in writing from you to the head copied to the teacher re. “Please remind parents of the pickup queue system” may actually help the teacher.

Primary school teachers are usually gentle nurturing souls. As such my experience has been that they aren’t very good at standing up to bullies :(

And that’s what he is. He’s bullying the teacher and he’s bullying the women in the queue because lording it over you all makes him feel important.

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