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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Rude school Dad. AIBU to say something?

600 replies

NadjaofAntipaxos · 15/12/2021 17:52

When I'm picking DS up from reception, parents queue up down a narrow space between the school building and a fence and the teacher stands in the doorway calling each child out in order of parents in the queue. It's a long queue, 30 kids to be collected. You have to wait a while if you're at the back. I'm usually one of the last in the queue as I collect older DD first from another playground, so I've never noticed this before but today she had a playdate so I was maybe number six in the queue waiting before the classroom door opened.

Shortly before the door opened, one Dad just strolled past everyone and stood at the front of the queue. Right past about 20 other people and collected his kid third or fourth. Proceeded to also have lengthy "bants" with the teacher, delaying everyone else's child getting called and signalling he is in no hurry.

I was quite astonished and said to the mum behind me "I'm assuming he has a good reason for pushing past everyone else who's waiting". She just rolled her eyes and shook her head and said "every night".

Now I have encountered this man before on a couple of occasions and I took against him then. Spidey senses signalled the twat-horn. When a few parents took our children to the park across from school and I was part of a group standing chatting which included his wife who seems lovely, he barged in and took over the conversation. I learned they have older kids, so it's not like he has to dash off and collect other kids. He announced he is now retired (would guess he is late 40s early 50s) and his wife works part time and apparently he's a self-made business man who likes to boast about his money . So not rushing back after school to start work again (like me and lots of other parents). There was also a streak of sexism too, man barges into group of women and takes over.

So clearly I am being petty to let this piss me off enough to write a Mumsnet thread about it. But what would you do? I should just get over it I know. But ... So. Annoying. (His self proclaimed cheeky chappy persona gives me rage.) And our kids are likely to have another 14 years of school together.

Or shall I make sure I start getting to school early so I can address it with him if he does his entitled push-in job again? What do I say? He is an arrogant fucker clearly so would need to be well considered. Hence asking you wise people.
Do I even email school in a PA fashion to ask that they send out an email to all re queueing etiquette? I feel lovely teachers have enough to deal with, especially as I noticed CF dad being told by teacher at parents evening he was "cheeky". Didn't hear the comment he made but know the teacher and her tone suggested "back the fuck off".
Yes yabu - move on, get a life
No yanbu - take him down, or try to and get egg on face

OP posts:
PigletJohn · 10/01/2022 17:29

"Back of the queue, mate"

shouted in a very loud voice, with no rising intonation, often does the trick

On one memorable occasion I saw a very burly person put their arms round the waist of a queue jumper who ignored advice, and carried them bodily to the back.

LokiDoki75 · 10/01/2022 17:38

Has he behaved since though?

Underthestairsbears · 10/01/2022 17:58

Find out what car he drives (BMW) and then casually remark that someone's car alarm was going off... think it was a BMW...

Or set his actual car alarm off...

Or say you think you saw someone hit his wing mirror...

Try and intercept him spilling a drink on him or similar...

Invite his kid on a play date to gather more intel...

Underthestairsbears · 10/01/2022 18:01

Oops sorry, I saw you nailed it! Well done OP!

Slayduggee · 10/01/2022 18:18

Praying for an update. Hoping than a grandmother with a stickler for manners sees him at pickup!

Somechance · 10/01/2022 18:18

He probably has erection issues. Pay him no mind OP.

madroid · 10/01/2022 18:20

Did he do it again today OP?

Ionlydomassiveones · 10/01/2022 18:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Ginburee · 10/01/2022 18:25

Massive high five to you!!!

ChristinaXYZ · 10/01/2022 18:28

It is awkward for the teacher but you have to ask yourself what the kids are learning about behaviour when the see this. The teacher should say something erven if it is privately, or the head should.

I would have a quite word with the teacher or the head expressing your concerns about the behaviour modelled by the parent and by the teacher in letting him consistently get away with it.

DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 10/01/2022 18:31

Why don’t you form a human shield across the front of the queue ?
Chanting “you shall not pass”

TempName01 · 10/01/2022 18:38

In your position in the queue, can you stand off to the side so that he wouldn’t be able to get past, then move in when the parents and kids are coming back the other way?

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 10/01/2022 18:43

Good for you, OP.

I can’t believe not one single other person stood up for you, though.

Benjispruce5 · 10/01/2022 18:51

Have a word with the teacher as if she points the queue out to him, he’ll have to do the walk of shame to the back. Surprised the teacher hasn’t done this. I work in primary and would work through the children in order.

Benjispruce5 · 10/01/2022 18:55

Teachers are normally big on teaching the children to line up, not push in etc so she is your best bet.
Well done though!

RedElephants · 10/01/2022 19:20

Can't be arsed to read thro pages and pages..
But me, I'd get my buggy/stroller/pram and ram the back of his legs..
Job done !

JackTheHack · 10/01/2022 19:37

Imagine being married to the pr*ck

Meatshake · 10/01/2022 20:08

There's a mum that does this at my kids school. I think she's a total dick anyway for other reasons but she breezed to the front of the queue and saw me giving her the side eye and told me "oh N didn't want to go to school today he would only go if I promised to be first in queue at pick up". Lol. Get fucked love. She's as weird as her fucking kid. No real point to this moan, but just blah. People.

If I were you OP I'd email the school complaining about his conduct if he shouted at you. Sounds "threatening".... 😁

GemmaRuby · 10/01/2022 20:14

Well done OP! I’ve only just found this thread though, so will need some more updates please about if he’s changed his ways.

Dibbydoos · 10/01/2022 20:18

I'd ask him nicely to join the queue, tgat you're all there trying to pick your kids up ASAP cos you have to get back to work. And say Thank you. See what he does. He probably won't- if he doesn't others might join in and rise up against him. The teacher knows what he's doing so also call her out but do it privately so she can modify her vexatious without getting involved in any dramas.

Personally being a Mancunian I would have told him straight up. He might gave retired early, well done him. But it makes him no more important than any of you so fcuk him!

madisonbridges · 10/01/2022 20:26

Nah, this has nothing you do with sexism. Have you never been to the post office on pension day? People pushing in is a rude problem, not a sexism problem. No matter what age or sex, my response is, there's a queue, get to the back of the line.

anotheronenow · 10/01/2022 20:55

God I hope OP comes back and says she's accosted him with "Hey Pushy, Why not make manners/queuing like the rest of us part of your new year's resolutions?"

And although OP says she thrives on conflict in her job (has to), I don't understand why she hasn't emailed the school and (strikethrough hardly ever works for me but wimply) teacher.

anotheronenow · 10/01/2022 20:55

haha wimpy

Aubree17 · 10/01/2022 21:02

What an absolute dickhead.

I don't know what's worse. The fact he pushes past everyone every day or his response when confronted.

Print off this tread and post it to him.

Well done OP.

Aubree17 · 10/01/2022 21:04

@bendmeoverbackwards

Well done OP but I am utterly appalled that not one person supported you publicly.

Women should support other women. No scrap that, people should support others. What is wrong with people?? No backbone. This is how bullies get away with stuff. No one calls it out. I hate this walk on by society 😡

Totally agree with this. I remember once standing up for someone else's child in a situation that was clearly wrong and only one other parent supported me.

Easier to keep quiet than stand up for what's right unfortunately.

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