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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Rude school Dad. AIBU to say something?

600 replies

NadjaofAntipaxos · 15/12/2021 17:52

When I'm picking DS up from reception, parents queue up down a narrow space between the school building and a fence and the teacher stands in the doorway calling each child out in order of parents in the queue. It's a long queue, 30 kids to be collected. You have to wait a while if you're at the back. I'm usually one of the last in the queue as I collect older DD first from another playground, so I've never noticed this before but today she had a playdate so I was maybe number six in the queue waiting before the classroom door opened.

Shortly before the door opened, one Dad just strolled past everyone and stood at the front of the queue. Right past about 20 other people and collected his kid third or fourth. Proceeded to also have lengthy "bants" with the teacher, delaying everyone else's child getting called and signalling he is in no hurry.

I was quite astonished and said to the mum behind me "I'm assuming he has a good reason for pushing past everyone else who's waiting". She just rolled her eyes and shook her head and said "every night".

Now I have encountered this man before on a couple of occasions and I took against him then. Spidey senses signalled the twat-horn. When a few parents took our children to the park across from school and I was part of a group standing chatting which included his wife who seems lovely, he barged in and took over the conversation. I learned they have older kids, so it's not like he has to dash off and collect other kids. He announced he is now retired (would guess he is late 40s early 50s) and his wife works part time and apparently he's a self-made business man who likes to boast about his money . So not rushing back after school to start work again (like me and lots of other parents). There was also a streak of sexism too, man barges into group of women and takes over.

So clearly I am being petty to let this piss me off enough to write a Mumsnet thread about it. But what would you do? I should just get over it I know. But ... So. Annoying. (His self proclaimed cheeky chappy persona gives me rage.) And our kids are likely to have another 14 years of school together.

Or shall I make sure I start getting to school early so I can address it with him if he does his entitled push-in job again? What do I say? He is an arrogant fucker clearly so would need to be well considered. Hence asking you wise people.
Do I even email school in a PA fashion to ask that they send out an email to all re queueing etiquette? I feel lovely teachers have enough to deal with, especially as I noticed CF dad being told by teacher at parents evening he was "cheeky". Didn't hear the comment he made but know the teacher and her tone suggested "back the fuck off".
Yes yabu - move on, get a life
No yanbu - take him down, or try to and get egg on face

OP posts:
PurpleMauve · 19/12/2021 00:08

Well done!
I’m the same. I would not have put up with that and would have alerted him to the queue the 1st time. I don’t care if people think I’m crazy.
Teacher should have addressed this well before.
Other parents should have backed you up at the time.
I would email the school. He sounds like an absolute tosser and he’ll do it again.
We don’t have orderly queues at our school; parents turn up and stand around the classroom door, but generally no one barges their way to the front on a regular basis. It’s happened on occasion but not usually by the same person, otherwise I would have said something.

maddening · 19/12/2021 00:24

Get the parents to queue in a zig zag fashion so he would not have a clear line to the front and would have to say excuse me or physically assault people to get there.

lesleylol · 19/12/2021 10:00

I would definitely stand in his way. What’s he going to do physically move you? There’s no way this moronic individual should be getting away with this. Let’s call it what it is - bullying.

SazCat · 19/12/2021 10:12

@nomoneytree

Do the kids actually come out in parents queue order? Teachers scan the queue and the kids come out in the order they are ready at my school.
Pick up at DDs school works similar to the OPs. Parents queue up just outside the gate, and the kids are stood in lines just behind. The teachers send them out in order of which parent is at the front.

We all queue very nicely, but I guess this situation could happen here too in theory. I really couldn't imagine the sheer cheekiness of it tho!!!

LookItsMeAgain · 19/12/2021 10:58

I'd use this time to put a letter to to teacher/head together as you've said your piece to the dad here and it didn't seem to make any difference.
If you send in a letter and it's waiting for the teacher/head at the start of the new term in the new year, they can include some 'new rules regarding collecting children' in their first newsletter (usually sent out in the first week after returning to school, right?) and any parent not following these rules will be kept to the end and their child will not be allowed to leave until everyone else's is collected. Social Distancing must be maintained and the collecting of children must follow these rules.
Just a thought.

buckeejit · 19/12/2021 11:05

Well done Op. if he does it again, move up to the front too & stand in front of him. When the teacher comes out say 'oh everyone in the queue up to x were before us, then it's me, followed by twatface here. I just wanted to explain that for so long twatface here pushes to the front of the queue ignoring all the people with manners who arrive before him, so if you could maybe leave him to the end in future if he's not in the queue, we think that would be fair to everyone else.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 19/12/2021 18:35

Well done you!

GroggyLegs · 19/12/2021 18:49

Ooooh you embarrassed him & he went back n the massive defensive!
So pleased your friends had your back.

Also, nobody has said jog on since 2016.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 19/12/2021 19:16

@buckeejit

Well done Op. if he does it again, move up to the front too & stand in front of him. When the teacher comes out say 'oh everyone in the queue up to x were before us, then it's me, followed by twatface here. I just wanted to explain that for so long twatface here pushes to the front of the queue ignoring all the people with manners who arrive before him, so if you could maybe leave him to the end in future if he's not in the queue, we think that would be fair to everyone else.
I have to say, I'd also have to say something to the teacher if they were ineffective at managing the queue like this.

Something like "Do you mind handing over our children in queue order? He has just arrived so he's last."

Also every time he arrives I'd get the whole queue to give him a slow clap as he walks up the path.

glowbabe · 19/12/2021 22:35

Please be careful OP he sounds like a narcissist and going by my experiences with these sort of people he will make you pay . He wont let this go . I would write to the school head and let them deal with this now . Stay out of his orbit .

lesleylol · 20/12/2021 09:48

Unless he’s the local drug dealer/gangster/Mr Big why keep allowing him to get away with it? I’m amazed nobody else has said anything before now.

Doodar · 20/12/2021 18:08

If he does it again get a gang together and slow clap him.

Nailsbythesea · 22/12/2021 15:28

You must email the head and state it is having a negative impact on the children as well as being bullying and sexist behaviour with misogynist links and ask them to talk to the parent about their bullying of other parents and manners.

mde1982 · 22/12/2021 15:50

@Nailsbythesea

You must email the head and state it is having a negative impact on the children as well as being bullying and sexist behaviour with misogynist links and ask them to talk to the parent about their bullying of other parents and manners.
But maybe not until schools restart in January.

Heads (and all school staff, indeed everyone) has had a rough term, and nothing will happen until January anyway so why fill the headteachers inbox and give them something to sorry about over Christmas?

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 22/12/2021 15:52

@bluebellYellow

I have a feeling he won't queue properly until the teacher or head specifically tell him to. He will continue to queue jump just to annoy you all further.

I have someone like this at my child's school. Even when we had to be socially distanced, they would walk in through the exit of the one way system and be front of the line.

Well done for telling him though.

Until a MAN tells him to, you mean.
AcrossthePond55 · 22/12/2021 16:33

Enlist the queue and everyone get cheap dog 'clicker'. Then when he walks up the queue everyone starts 'clicking' at him, starting at the back, like doing the 'wave'. Probably won't deter him, but will let him know everyone is paying attention and all are signaling disapproval.

We had a coworker who was a notorious food thief but would staunchly deny it. Management would do nothing. It started with one coworker 'clicking' to let her know he was watching her as she walked past his desk. Pretty soon more joined in. For some reason it stopped her where accusing her of it did nothing.

me109f · 27/12/2021 00:01

I was queueing for a ski lift with about 50 others just after the Berlin wall came down. I think it was Austria.
A german with his wife walked straight to the front and stood there ignoring the mutterings, however he didn't account for the stroppiness of the brits in the queue who acosted him and made sure he went to the back. My skiing companion told me that he had seen this before and a british lad had once just thumped a queue jumper to the ground and physically dragged him to the back with the whole line cheering. Those were the days; it made one feel proud to be british.
In over a dozen ski holidays I cannot ever remember ski queue jumping, otherwise, except by instructors or officials who were probably entitled.

Arrogant people like that should be taught a lesson.

Imissmoominmama · 29/12/2021 10:18

@Nailsbythesea- I read that as head of state and thought, flipping heck, people are really annoyed by this!! Grin

TheRemotePart · 29/12/2021 10:42

So glad you said something ( and proved youreslrf and everyone else he’s just a fucking twat)
Wish everybody else would’ve chimed in instead of saying to you, later.
I’d honestly just keep marching to the front ans inspire a mutiny against this queue tyranny.
Prick. Absolute prick.

NigellaAwesome · 01/01/2022 01:03

Part of me wonders why the school has such an inefficient system for collection though. I'm certain we never had anything like this when my dc were young ( or perhaps I was always last to arrive so never noticed Blush)

It will be interesting to see what happens in the new term. There are 7 long years ahead of you, so bear that in mind.

Arieliwish · 07/01/2022 11:34

OP any update?

comedycentral · 09/01/2022 13:56

Happy New Year Op. How are things now the children have returned to school?

WalkingOnTheCracks · 10/01/2022 13:09

I'm more interested in the next episode of this than in anything on the telly.

Onlyhuman123 · 10/01/2022 13:43

@Flowerflumps

Probably would go a different route to most. I wouldn't point out the queue because like you said he would probably have some comment back as to why he is special. I would make a big deal of following suit.

"Oh do we not queue anymore?" And following him right to the front and wait for the response of teacher/ everyone else. Then explain in my naivety that because he does it I thought the school must have stopped it

yes! this....great idea!
saraclara · 10/01/2022 14:04

I really hope some of the other mums will carry on where you left off, OP!
You did amazingly. I'm sure you're a legend now!

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