Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Ex threatening to take me to court if I don't allow him speak to our son

95 replies

Deborah0098 · 15/12/2021 10:32

I met him in 2012 he just relocated to my town for job , he told me that he was single and he doesn't have any children. When I find out that I was pregnant he denied it saying he want nothing to do with me because he is married with kids . I was heartbroken. That was the last time I've seen or heard of him. I gave birth in 2013 to my son the best thing that ever happened to me . I have been taking care of him all alone and he has never bothered to contact me to know if the chikd existed or not. It wasn't until March this year that I have found his Facebook profile and I believe everyone deserved a second chance so I contacted him to tell him about our son. He emailed me back saying he would like to conduct a DNA test which I agreed. The result was positive he is the father . He had never bothered to speak to our son he calls sometimes after a month or two when he is our school and keep giving fake promises to call and speak to him which he never did. During October half term he promised to call like usual but he didn't call It seems like he is not interested on his son so it's better I put a stop to it than listening to his lies . I blocked him. Since I blocked him he created a new Facebook account to message me that he would like to speak to our son but I have been ignoring his messages because I know he will not speak to him. Or if he truly want to speak with him this time he might call him once then he will call again after month or two before calling him again. I don't want my son to be hurt . I am scared if they bond he will dissaper and reappear which will not help my son . It is better he had no contact with him . He is now threatening to take me to court if I don't allow him to speak to our son . He is not on the birth certificate and the Dna test was peace of mind. I want to know if the court will take him serious when he hasn't bothered to bond with his son since May we received the Dna results.

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 15/12/2021 10:33

Let him take you to court. Nobody's going to force contact with a prick like that.

Abouttoblow · 15/12/2021 10:35

Tell him to go ahead. He won't.

TooWicked · 15/12/2021 10:36

If be can’t be arsed making a regular phone call to his own child, do you honestly think he’s going to go to all the effort of taking you to court?

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 15/12/2021 10:37

Tell him to go ahead and take you to court. When you get there remind him of his financial responsibilities.

Snowmanuel · 15/12/2021 10:37

Oh OP, I wish you hadn’t contacted him in the first place. I suspect his other family know nothing.

Ignore him, keep blocking and let him threaten. There’s no way he’d bother to take you to court. It would be too much effort for him and then presumably, his wife would have to be told. And even if he did, there’s no way you would be forced to engage with him. Just move on.

timeisnotaline · 15/12/2021 10:37

I think the only suitable reply is ‘Ok’

CorrBlimeyGG · 15/12/2021 10:38

If he issues court proceedings, a court will allow some access. That might not be on the terms he wants, but in the absence of abuse, it would be highly likely he'll get some level of access.

Whether he will issue proceedings or not is another matter. It may well be an empty threat.

Hereagainnewlogin · 15/12/2021 10:38

Sorry I'm a little confused - has your son ever spoken to him before? I don't know what a court would do really so can't advise there.

I don't think I'd have tried to encourage a relationship in the first place tbh. He was cheating on his wife then dropped you, doesn't sound like a nice man.

Rinoachicken · 15/12/2021 10:44

@TooWicked

If be can’t be arsed making a regular phone call to his own child, do you honestly think he’s going to go to all the effort of taking you to court?

This ^^

Plus I doubt he wants his wife finding out which she surely would if he went to court. It’s not cheap if nothing else!

Rinoachicken · 15/12/2021 10:44

Just tell him to go ahead.

Aimee1987 · 15/12/2021 10:44

A DNA is sufficient for him to go to court and get parental responsability and therefore regular contact.
However his wife would obviously find out so he probably wont.

Do you have a record of him promising to call and failing to? Keep these records to show in court as it shows he is not reliable.

At 8 what your child wants will also be taken into consideration.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 15/12/2021 10:44

Just ignore him and don't contact him again. I don't know why women contact shit men to encourage contact with their children. Men never do this.
You should be glad you've got full custody of your child - you don't need to be running around after the deadbeat father.
Imagine if he'd wanted shared care!!!! I had to fight in court for 5 years to stop my violent ex from seeing my son, I won in the end but once that battle starts it's a total nightmare.

Thegreencup · 15/12/2021 10:47

Just reply with 'You do that love'.

If he couldn't be arsed for the last 8 years, he won't be arsed to have to pay his own money to go to court.

Rainbowqueeen · 15/12/2021 10:48

I’ll take you to court is a common cry of men who want control.

Very rarely happens. I would ignore. But start a log. Write down as much as you can remember of your interactions with him. Dates, calls etc. any time he gets in touch, add to it.
I’ve also seen people on here talking about a gradual introduction of absent fathers to their children s lives and how it normally starts with letters. The absent dad needs to show he can be consistent over a period of time before any additional contact. I’d do some research and see what you can find out. Womens aid nay be able to help. Then send him a message outlining a plan based on your research. That way if he does try court you can demonstrate that you have not denied contact but have tried to proceed in a way that is in your sons best interests.
It’s up to him to prove he can do that too

ComDummings · 15/12/2021 10:49

@Thegreencup

Just reply with 'You do that love'.

If he couldn't be arsed for the last 8 years, he won't be arsed to have to pay his own money to go to court.

This ^

Triffid1 · 15/12/2021 10:51

Technically, I guess he could take you to court. But I'd say the chances of that are about 1 in 10000000000000000000000000. And if he did, the onus would nonetheless be on him to prove how he is going to integrate the child he has ignored for 8 years into his life.

I agree with others. Just respond with, "if you feel that's necessary, please go ahead. I'll respond formally when I receive the court notification".

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 15/12/2021 10:53

Send him a last message saying due to his bullying tactics you will correspondence via solicitors only.. Then block him. Your dc does not need to be subject to his Twatism.

maddening · 15/12/2021 10:54

I would reply to confirm that he rejected his son when he discovered you were pregnant and despite every effort to enable him to have a relationship for your son he has repeatedly let your son down to the point that it is negatively impacting your sons mental health and therefore you would only work with a court to ensure that any future contact is made with your sons best interest at the centre of that decision. If he wishes to go via the court you would welcome his proactive, well structured and committed input to your sons life for your son's benefit only, not his, but based on past behaviour you are not prepared to engage further in response to threats and will await court contact.

Original poster

Deborah0098 · 15/12/2021 10:55

Thank you everyone for the advice. I really appreciate it . His wife is aware of my son because after se receive the DNA result he once called me and he told me that his wife is aware of the child and he wanted me to travel to Swindon where he lives from Manchester so he and his wife can meet my child. I refused because the place is far and he drive and I don't. I told him to come with his wife to Manchester so we can meet in a public place but he refused . He didn't call me again for 2 months because he was angry with me because I refuse to come to swindon. When we went for the Dna we traveled all the way to Swindon I have covered all the expensenses , train tickets , booked a hostel and foods, taxi and I didn't want to go again but if he truly wanted to see him he should have sacrifice the same way I did for the dna test.

OP posts:

HeddaGarbled · 15/12/2021 10:56

You need to have a really good think about what’s best for your son. It seems like you were chasing and chasing his father to be in his life, but now he’s expressed an interest, you’ve changed your mind?

I do understand your concerns about him being unreliable and letting your son down. But I also think your son has the right to have at least met his father, even if it’s only once.

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 15/12/2021 10:59

Keep on saying no. You can't afford to pay for his wants.

And yes, @maddening has most of it covered.

CombatBarbie · 15/12/2021 11:00

Not sure why you went all the way to Swindon for the DNA test? Anyways, he isn't worth the hassle. Are you even claiming maintenance for your son, that's a legal. Obligation not a moral one.

kiwifruitbanana · 15/12/2021 11:00

Agree that if he took you to court they would try and promote contact. But the likelihood of him doing so, which of course would also potentially prompt you to chase child support from him (in his eyes I mean, of course you would be well within your rights to do so) is so low that I wouldn't give him the time of day to be honest.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 15/12/2021 11:01

Tell him your ds isn't a pizza awaiting delivery. Cf not even prepared to travel....
Just block him. Imo his dw will be nagging him to make contact and at least try and look like a decent df. She must be cringing he is such a twat.

Chloemol · 15/12/2021 11:03

Just tell him ok, and we can sort child maintenance out at the same time

Flip

1 2 3 4