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AIBU?

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Original poster

To hate working with women

434 replies

HousethatChunkbuilt · 14/12/2021 18:27

I am a feminist and I think women are incredible. I am proud at all we achieve, having babies, periods, going through the menopause, the constant harassment, fear of violence, discrimination, sexism... the list goes on.
HOWEVER I find it incredibly difficult to work in all female teams. I have nearly always worked in all female environments in entry level jobs.
The bitchiness is unreal. Everyday comments lead to tears, meltdowns, refusal to come in. This has happened in every single workplace. The only place I haven't had this is in a shop where it was mostly men and other (quite mature) women. Oh and one place where we were all different nationalities, is cattiness a British thing?
It just takes so much time and effort navigating the various rifts, arguments, feuds and rivalries. I honestly think we'd rule the world if we could get rid of this shit.
I'm quite matter of fact and get frustrated that this taking up so much time!

OP posts:
Grida · 14/12/2021 18:56

You do sound like you might be a bit tricky to work with. You have lumped all women together and then you have suggested it might be their nationality and lumped all British people together. It doesn’t sound great tbh.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/12/2021 18:56

It's men who have caused issues for me in workplaces

Same here. Women are wonderful🙌

AthelstaneTheUnready · 14/12/2021 18:58

@immersivereader

Same here, op. The bitchiness is unreal. Men are far easier to work with.
And yet I find women tend to be easier to work with. More willing to listen. More willing to discuss. More willing to find best path through.

Men tend to want own path through, never mind best, or at most superficial compromise. Although, thank fuck, that has become far less pronounced in the decades I've been working. Still exists enough to be noticeable though.

Footprintsinthegrass · 14/12/2021 18:58

I think you're showing your own insecurity here op.

When I was in my late teens I worked in a supermarket and it was bloody awful, the men were bad to but the women were awful to each other. However after leaving that job I haven't encountered a problem. Actually that's not quite true, in my last job there was one bitchy character but she was much younger than the rest of us and I put it down to her age.

I love working with women, I'm very secure in myself though

maffhew · 14/12/2021 18:58

@girlmom21

If you're younger and attractive then some women will try to bring you down.

Ok bab 😂

It's true.

I remember starting a new job and I was introduced to a woman who looked me up and down, gave me a snooty look and never spoke to me.

How I looked was the only thing she had to judge me on.

Echoesandsilence · 14/12/2021 18:58

First job was a waitress - didnt experience any bitchiness.
Second job was a sales assistant - no bad experience there either
Third and fourth jobs - trainee in accounting prectices. No issues there either.
Now - accountant in multi national. No issues here either.

Have made good female (and male) friends in all tbese roles.

Durbeyfield · 14/12/2021 19:00

This post is misonygist OP. Change your use of the word ‘women’ for ‘people of colour’ (for example) and you’d be making a racist statement. Same for misogyny.

DisgruntledApothecarist · 14/12/2021 19:01

OP your feelings are valid. I do recognise this and I’m a professional so it’s not just entry-level jobs.
It’s almost as if OP is being gaslighted.

bratzybaby · 14/12/2021 19:01

I'm a woman and don't mind working with other women doing the same role but I absolutely HATE having a manager who is a woman. I'm not sure what it is but the bitchiness and patronising tone I (and many others) receive from them is awful. Men are able to have similar traits but I've never experienced this personally. I've only had one manager who was a woman who always acted professionally and she was gay.

Saying that I've been a manager many times and always hoped I never came across as anything other than understanding and professional!

WorraLiberty · 14/12/2021 19:02

@beastlyslumber

I think you need to have a think about your internalised misogyny.

OP needs to have a think about their externalised misogyny.

And her xenophobia
Waxonwaxoff0 · 14/12/2021 19:02

I work in a team of 5 women and there is none of this.

WorraLiberty · 14/12/2021 19:03

I remember starting a new job and I was introduced to a woman who looked me up and down, gave me a snooty look and never spoke to me.

How I looked was the only thing she had to judge me on.

You mean that's all you could think of

CaMePlaitPas · 14/12/2021 19:04

What a load of shite.

And the Daily Mail is a load of shite too if they were thinking about picking up this goady thread.

Westerman · 14/12/2021 19:05

I've experienced the kind of atmosphere you describe, OP, and in similar environments. I found it got a bit easier as I got older and wasn't associating much with the younger set, who often seemed to want to outdo each other. For a few years I work in a very male dominated, macho area and it was a lot different. Definitely less catty and competitive, a great laugh at times, but I also experienced a lot of sexist behaviour from some of the men.
I suppose we just have to take each person we work with as they are and try to avoid the ones we have trouble getting on with as much as we can, or rise above it.

Diva66 · 14/12/2021 19:05

I have mainly worked in all male environments due to the nature of my work. Believe me, they can be just as ‘bitchy’ as women. A lot of it depends on the management and the company culture.

monotonousmum · 14/12/2021 19:05

I did work experience for a week during college, in the office of a factory in an all female team. Each time anyone got up for the loo the rest of the team would bitch about them. Without exception. Every single one in a team of about 10-12. Surely they must have realised they were also being talked about!!
I lasted two days. I was scared to go to the loo Grin

I've worked in mixed and all female teams since then, never experienced anything like it again.

HellonHeels · 14/12/2021 19:06

@PurpleDaisies

This has happened in every single workplace.

What do those workplaces have in common?

Grin
WorraLiberty · 14/12/2021 19:06

Any thoughts so far on the little hornet nest you've stirred up here OP?

SockFluffInTheBath · 14/12/2021 19:07

The only predominantly female workplaces I have experienced this in have both been primary schools. Very cliquey and bitchy. Not had it anywhere else in female-heavy teams/departments.

AthelstaneTheUnready · 14/12/2021 19:07

@bratzybaby

I'm a woman and don't mind working with other women doing the same role but I absolutely HATE having a manager who is a woman. I'm not sure what it is but the bitchiness and patronising tone I (and many others) receive from them is awful. Men are able to have similar traits but I've never experienced this personally. I've only had one manager who was a woman who always acted professionally and she was gay.

Saying that I've been a manager many times and always hoped I never came across as anything other than understanding and professional!

Yeah, pick them! pick them! It's not me!

Either women are shit managers (according to you) or they're not. They can't all be crap EXCEPT for you.

Pick them! pick them!

Ariann · 14/12/2021 19:07

@HousethatChunkbuilt

I am a feminist and I think women are incredible. I am proud at all we achieve, having babies, periods, going through the menopause, the constant harassment, fear of violence, discrimination, sexism... the list goes on. HOWEVER I find it incredibly difficult to work in all female teams. I have nearly always worked in all female environments in entry level jobs. The bitchiness is unreal. Everyday comments lead to tears, meltdowns, refusal to come in. This has happened in every single workplace. The only place I haven't had this is in a shop where it was mostly men and other (quite mature) women. Oh and one place where we were all different nationalities, is cattiness a British thing? It just takes so much time and effort navigating the various rifts, arguments, feuds and rivalries. I honestly think we'd rule the world if we could get rid of this shit. I'm quite matter of fact and get frustrated that this taking up so much time!
I've had two jobs that were all male environments - an academic post in a science dept at a university, and as a factory supervisor of a factory floor full of men (3 supervisors were all women and factory floor over 100 men.)

Those were the best jobs I ever had. Men are very straightforward. I was surprised though, that they can be terrible gossips, but overall, there is a respectful, co-operative atmosphere with plenty of good humour.
I have had jobs with my own office in places where it's mostly women - it was okay.
Jobs where you share an office with women - constant drama, crying, people falling out with each other, witholding data and vital information from colleagues to punish them for some transgression, bitchiness and outright cruelty to the younger girls. Awful. The worst were women over 40 and the worst environments were third sector.

It was a very sad eye-opener.

Newmumatlast · 14/12/2021 19:07

Same. In fact many of the men are bitchier

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 14/12/2021 19:08

My female colleagues are wonderful and we have none of that.

AlfonsoTheUnrepentant · 14/12/2021 19:08

I've worked with lovely women and women who were absolutely horrible. Same for my male colleagues.

DrSbaitso · 14/12/2021 19:09

I remember starting a new job and I was introduced to a woman who looked me up and down, gave me a snooty look and never spoke to me. How I looked was the only thing she had to judge me on.

This happened to me a lot when I didn't look as "good" (relatively) as I do now. From men and women.