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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate working with women

434 replies

HousethatChunkbuilt · 14/12/2021 18:27

I am a feminist and I think women are incredible. I am proud at all we achieve, having babies, periods, going through the menopause, the constant harassment, fear of violence, discrimination, sexism... the list goes on.
HOWEVER I find it incredibly difficult to work in all female teams. I have nearly always worked in all female environments in entry level jobs.
The bitchiness is unreal. Everyday comments lead to tears, meltdowns, refusal to come in. This has happened in every single workplace. The only place I haven't had this is in a shop where it was mostly men and other (quite mature) women. Oh and one place where we were all different nationalities, is cattiness a British thing?
It just takes so much time and effort navigating the various rifts, arguments, feuds and rivalries. I honestly think we'd rule the world if we could get rid of this shit.
I'm quite matter of fact and get frustrated that this taking up so much time!

OP posts:
bratzybaby · 14/12/2021 19:24

@WorraLiberty

I've only had one manager who was a woman who always acted professionally and she was gay.

@bratzybaby, what on earth does the woman's sexuality have to do with anything?? Confused

@WorraLiberty absolutely nothing, it's just something that was a noticeable difference between her and my previous managers. She was very masculine and didn't ever tap into that bitchiness side. That's all🤷‍♀️
Original poster
HousethatChunkbuilt · 14/12/2021 19:24

Hello, back again.
For the record, I am British. Hence why I'm asking if it's a British thing as the Eastern European's and Spanish I used to work with just never seemed to be critical of each other in a catty way. I can remember the manager would tell us how amazing we were and gave us all great references if we moved on. I then I transferred to a different branch in the suburbs and it was completely different, very competitive for tips, promotions, shifts. Very dismissive of those with commitments etc.
I'm in admin now and at times it can be awful. I don't believe it's women in general as I see other all women teams and they seem to get on well. It seems to be generally environments where the jobs are quite dull and people might be doing them as a stopgap. I'm thinking of retail, catering, data entry, call centre jobs. Jobs that aren't really a 'calling'.
What's strange is that individually the women are interesting, unique and intelligent. We just seem to have a real problem working cohesively with eachother!
Example:
Person 1: can you help me out with this?
Man: no sorry I'm really busy
Woman: yes I probably can
That woman to other women: did you hear what she just asked me? Why can't she do it? What's she got on? If you ask me she can't be managing her workload efficiently. And she left early on Friday. I was here until 6!
Maybe men do this too, I'm not sure, I haven't had that much experience apart from in one job where everyone was quite honest, in a respectful way. That could be down to a multitude of reasons not just gender.
FWIW I have had loads of female managers and they've been awesome and great leaders.

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 14/12/2021 19:25

@legohurts16

I agree with the OP - I find there is so much bitchiness in an all female workforce - similar to an all girls school. I left my last job due to the petty behaviour and bitchiness that occured.- quite a small workforce 35 women and 2 men This probably doesn't happen in all female dominated workplaces but I definitely think that having male colleagues as well really does stop the competitiveness and bitchiness that goes on between women. I now work with in a 60% women 40% men industry and I am so much happier - I find men are so much easier to get on with at work because I think women in the workplace are always competing against each other.
It’s actually been proven that girls learn and achieve better in an all girl environment than a mixed one, while boys achieve poorly in an all-boy environment compared to a mixed one.

So all girl schools are beneficial to girls. It’s almost like girls and women aren’t inherently problematic like society would like you to believe.

NeedsCharging · 14/12/2021 19:25

Not seeing how you can describe yourself as a feminist and then refer to the "cattiness" and bitchiness" of women.

Yeah I mean us feminists are all about using misogynistic language to describe how we prefer the company of men.
Did you not see the "how to do feminisim properly in 10 steps" in the last news letter etch tut...

HaveringWavering · 14/12/2021 19:26

Everyday comments lead to tears, meltdowns, refusal to come in.

Sounds like you just work in a field that attracts juvenile, unprofessional people. Are standards in your industry very low? It’s true that women tend to be over-represented in shit, low paid, low prestige jobs. Maybe it’s the job that’s the issue, not the gender?

Capricopia · 14/12/2021 19:27

Do you think you might be the common denominator…? I’ve only ever worked in female-dominated teams and have never had the experiences you describe.

Picklypickles · 14/12/2021 19:27

I've mostly worked in mainly male environments, I would occasionally get to move about and do things in different offices where there was another woman or 2 and it was (usually) so nice to have some female company for a change. I found the groups of men in my main office to be far more bitchy and also shouty and angry a lot of the time, not to mention the the occasional inappropriate behaviour and comments towards me.

After that I worked in care for a while with a fairly even mix of male and female colleagues, most were perfectly nice people and some were less so!

Original poster
HousethatChunkbuilt · 14/12/2021 19:28

Casual ageism? I just mentioned mature, as an attribute rather than an age bracket.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 14/12/2021 19:28

What's strange is that individually the women are interesting, unique and intelligent. We just seem to have a real problem working cohesively with each other!

And you’ve decided that’s solely down to the fact they’re women. Confused

timestheyarechanging · 14/12/2021 19:28

I agree. I much prefer working in mixed environments than women only. Also, I have horses and the women-only stables (one young man, many women) are very bitchy/ cliquey

Saltyquiche · 14/12/2021 19:29

The women on my team are great

VodselForDinner · 14/12/2021 19:31

I’ve worked in a large, entirely female team for the last ten years and every single one of those women is amazing. They’re talented, ambitious, hard-working, funny as hell, and basically super women.

I think you’re the common denominator in all of the workplaces you’ve had issue in.

And you are not a feminist.

AutumnAlmanack · 14/12/2021 19:31

I hated working with all women - so bitchy and gossipy and condescending. Much preferred working with men who were more straightforward.

Original poster
HousethatChunkbuilt · 14/12/2021 19:33

@VodselForDinner you can't tell me I'm not a feminist. I get to decide that.

OP posts:
Boood · 14/12/2021 19:33

I am a feminist and I think women are incredible. I am proud at all we achieve, having babies, periods, going through the menopause, the constant harassment, fear of violence, discrimination, sexism... the list goes on.
HOWEVER I find it incredibly difficult to work in all female teams. I have nearly always worked in all female environments in entry level jobs.

As Ned Stark nearly said, everything before “however” is horseshit.
You aren’t a feminist, OP.

Kanaloa · 14/12/2021 19:33

@AutumnAlmanack

I hated working with all women - so bitchy and gossipy and condescending. Much preferred working with men who were more straightforward.
Yuck.

Have fun worshipping at the altar of men you melt. Are you that desperate to elevate men above your own sex?

Hopefully that was straightforward enough for you. It was bitchy and condescending but if you come across like that in real life I can understand why you inspire bitchy condescension.

GrapefruitsAreGreat · 14/12/2021 19:34

I've mostly worked in a team with more women than men, nearly all British too and never experienced this issue.

CentrifugalBumblePuppy · 14/12/2021 19:34

I’ve worked in all female environments where women were vile, I’ve worked in all female environments where women are great. I tend to be in predominantly male groups over the past decade, some have bloody awful blokes in them, others where I’d give my right arm to work with them again.

I can find some women (& their cliques) to be horrid, gossiping bitches, but I ignore the drama, get my head down & get cracking. But then some blokes I’ve worked with are misogynistic, grumpy bastards.

If you’ve got enough work on your plate, there’s really very little time to get embroiled in the gossiping drama of others.

Original poster
HousethatChunkbuilt · 14/12/2021 19:34

Is there any other subject where women would be told that there experiences are not valid and that they're lying?

OP posts:
KohlaParasaurus · 14/12/2021 19:34

I've worked with a few difficult individuals, some of them women, but don't recognise the issues outlined in the original post as something I've ever encountered.

bratzybaby · 14/12/2021 19:35

Are you that desperate to elevate men above your own sex?

Why are some people struggling to understand that we all have different experiences based on the types of roles we work in, the sort of people we work with and so on. Some people have great experiences working with women, others don't. It's really not the end of the world

Capricopia · 14/12/2021 19:36

[quote HousethatChunkbuilt]@VodselForDinner you can't tell me I'm not a feminist. I get to decide that.[/quote]
No you don’t. You don’t get to make swathing derogatory judgments about cattiness and bitchiness and then slap a ‘feminist’ sticker over the top.

Feminism is what you say and do. It’s not a badge you can pin on to your misogyny.

Kanaloa · 14/12/2021 19:36

Sorry but it’s pathetic. This insistence that women are awful/bitchy etc. Of course if you think so poorly of women as a group you won’t have good experiences with them. And of course if you think men are so fantastic you’ll get on well with them.

CatJumperTwat · 14/12/2021 19:37

Yeah okay Nigel.

maffhew · 14/12/2021 19:37

@WorraLiberty

I remember starting a new job and I was introduced to a woman who looked me up and down, gave me a snooty look and never spoke to me.

How I looked was the only thing she had to judge me on.

You mean that's all you could think of

Well what else, pray tell, could it be as she clapped eyes on me and I politely said hello nice to meet you?

This thread just shows how hateful women are to each other. Proving OP's point.