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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This isn't enough for Christmas....

290 replies

bridgeovertroubledwatrr · 13/12/2021 17:11

Strangely this is my first proper boyfriend at 29Confused
Anyway been together 7 months and I'm not sure if I have enough for him for Christmas
So far
Adidas tee
Vans tee
Adidas jogging bottoms
Backback
Pjs
Socks

Spent around £120
Do I get more bits or am I okay with that?
Don't want to come across stingy but then don't want to be ott
Is this okay ?

OP posts:
Original poster
bridgeovertroubledwatrr · 13/12/2021 23:10

He actually asked me for socks Grin
He looses them and he asked me to get him some.
I'm going to return the backpack and I'm going to get him a stadium tour instead of his fav football team

OP posts:
ConfusedAhhh · 13/12/2021 23:24

@bridgeovertroubledwatrr

He deffo isn't planning on dumping me. He has been mentioning marriage recently. I
Marriage?? He’s practically a stranger!
SheikhMaraca · 14/12/2021 00:07

I think the point is more the fact that, at7 months in, you should be aiming for sexy, mysterious and alluring, not a replacement mum.

This is the best bit of a relationship OP, don’t waste it, if all goes well, you have many years of this kind of humdrum domesticity ahead of you!

If it were me, I’d send the lot back, and get yourself over to Coco de Mer for a ‘couple’s’ gift . Despite what he says, he’ll be a whole lot more appreciative, believe me.

GreenLunchBox · 14/12/2021 00:38

@bridgeovertroubledwatrr

He actually asked me for socks Grin He looses them and he asked me to get him some. I'm going to return the backpack and I'm going to get him a stadium tour instead of his fav football team
Stadium tour is a great gift. Thanks for the idea!
Saoirse82 · 14/12/2021 01:38

Was with DH 6 months our first Xmas together and spent around £200 on eachother back in 2009 but we were already quite serious that quickly and were basically living together and I sort of knew already that he was for keeps. We haven't done Xmas gifts since we've been married though, its all a bit of a faff and from the same purse anyway. I'd say £120 is a decent amount for 7 months together depending on how serious you are but I agree with a pp about getting one nice gift that he'd maybe not buy himself. So for instance I'd rather have a bottle of chanel perfume rather than a few cheaper items of clothing iyswim. But obviously you know him best.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 14/12/2021 06:17

@bridgeovertroubledwatrr

He actually asked me for socks Grin He looses them and he asked me to get him some. I'm going to return the backpack and I'm going to get him a stadium tour instead of his fav football team
Ignore all the scrooges on here. It sounds like you’ve got him some lovely presents.

I have always bought my DH socks (even before we were married) and I try to find weird and wacky ones. There’s a company called Stand For Socks that donates a pair of socks to a homeless person for every pair bought. They have some really weird and wonderful designs too.

The stadium tour sounds really good and there is nothing wrong with clothes if you know his size and what he likes.

SunshineCake1 · 14/12/2021 07:07

@TurnUpTurnip

All these “I don’t even spend that on my husband” comments are annoying, I’m guessing most of you that don’t its because you have kids? It’s clear when people have kids they start spending less on their partners and mostly on the kids so it’s not relevant. I think it sounds fine op
No. We have kids and I think this year I have spent more on dh.

It is a lot of money and it sounds like he's either greedy or the OP hasn't realised he was giving ideas and not expecting her to get him everything.

SunshineCake1 · 14/12/2021 07:09

Come on @5foot5 you know she meant backpack.

MegBusset · 14/12/2021 07:16

OP, people on Mumsnet are weird about Christmas presents - just check out any thread about what someone has bought their DC (too much! Not enough! Too many small things, there has to be a big thing!! Books / clothes / whatever are not presents!!!)

It sounds like you have thoughtfully chosen things he'll like and if he's a decent man he'll be thankful and appreciative.

As for seven months being a stranger... By three months DH and I were living together and engaged by six months, we've now been together 20 years.

SpookyScarySkeletons · 14/12/2021 07:25

OP please come back in 2 weeks and tell us what he got you!!

Aprilx · 14/12/2021 07:49

How did you manage to get all those gifts for £120? 🧐.

I think too many separate gifts and at this early stage maybe something a bit more memorable / meaningful would be nice. Those gifts are very definitely the type of thing I buy for my middle aged husband after two decades together - he never buys clothes himself so I restock him every year. 😁

GreyGoose1980 · 14/12/2021 07:51

I think it’s fine to spend that amount as long as it’s affordable for you (obviously that will vary a lot between people). However the presents are all a bit similar. I probably wouldn’t get socks or PJs for someone I’d been going out with for seven months as they can be seen as a bit dull (I don’t meant that to sound critical, I get them for DP but we are nearly ten years in). I’d replace these with something more personal either relating to a hobby or perhaps vouchers for an experience or failing that some of his favourite drink or chocolates would go better alongside the other clothing gifts.

OhGiveUp · 14/12/2021 07:55

Blimey. He would have got a selection box off me, nothing else.
I don't spend that much on DH and he's been stuck with me for nearly forty years.

Lovemusic33 · 14/12/2021 08:42

Looking forward to hearing what he’s got you 🙂

I do agree with others that things like socks and undies are the sort of thing his mum would buy him or someone who married to him.

I think 7 months is way too early to be buying stuff like this, probably scare the poor bloke off 🤣. I would just buy one nice gift (a day out, dinner out, an experience you can do together?). Gifts should be something romantic when you are still in the early stages of a relationship?

changing221 · 14/12/2021 08:47

WTF? Confused

I'd get one nice gift and leave it at that.

MilduraS · 14/12/2021 09:11

It's a bit late for it now but why not agree a gift budget next year? I do with my DH. Usually one of us goes a bit over because we've found something perfect but it gives us a ballpark figure. It's much easier now we don't have to worry about the too much/ not enough part.

SoSoTiredToday · 14/12/2021 09:14

Blimey! That's more than I have ever spent on DH (been together 15 years and married 10!) I think a £30 present would have sufficed on our first Christmas! :)

QuillBill · 14/12/2021 09:17

@5foot5

What exactly is a backback?
I can't imagine being that thick. It must be exhausting.

5foot5 · 14/12/2021 09:47

[quote QuillBill]@5foot5

What exactly is a backback?
I can't imagine being that thick. It must be exhausting. [/quote]
OMG I do feel thick now! Blush Sorry OP I really wasn't trying to be a dick about spelling. I read that list and thought a backback must be some fashion item that an old codger of 59 hadn't encountered.

Oops.

TabithaTiger · 14/12/2021 09:50

God, I'm sure some people can't wait to jump on a thread and be negative!

It sounds fine OP, you know your budget and you know your boyfriend and the kind of thing he likes. I would probably add a few treats, chocolate, nice shower gel, etc. Does he like gadgety things/ music/ Lego? Maybe add something little that's more personal. But honestly don't worry if you don't want to spend anymore.

Hope you both enjoy your first Christmas together.

cookiemonster2468 · 14/12/2021 10:07

Haven't spent much more than this on my partner of several years.

I would try to go with something thoughful, maybe something he hadn't asked for. I'm guessing he absolutely loves clothes from that list? If not it's maybe a bit bland.

It's all subjective though.

CSJobseeker · 14/12/2021 10:26

I read that list and thought a backback must be some fashion item that an old codger of 59 hadn't encountered.

Grin This is exactly the kind of thing I'd do!

JustfiedandAncient · 14/12/2021 10:31

You've spent more than I have on my child!

It's fine.

bluesky45 · 14/12/2021 10:59

I'd just talk to him about a budget. Then you won't either be showering him with gifts and he's got you a box of chocolates or on the other hand, he's got you a designer handbag for hundreds of pounds and then you feel bad for not getting him an equal amount. Just talk to him and then you know you are both on the same page

MrsBobDylan · 14/12/2021 14:36

@bluesky45

I'd just talk to him about a budget. Then you won't either be showering him with gifts and he's got you a box of chocolates or on the other hand, he's got you a designer handbag for hundreds of pounds and then you feel bad for not getting him an equal amount. Just talk to him and then you know you are both on the same page
This.

Dh and I spent a few years not getting each other anything because we were short on cash.

We used to constantly check to make sure neither had bought anything!!