This isn't enough for Christmas....

[bridgeovertroubledwatrr]

Strangely this is my first proper boyfriend at 29
Anyway been together 7 months and I'm not sure if I have enough for him for Christmas
So far
Adidas tee
Vans tee
Adidas jogging bottoms
Backback
Pjs
Socks

Spent around £120
Do I get more bits or am I okay with that?
Don't want to come across stingy but then don't want to be ott
Is this okay ?

@LaDamaDeElche
No, no, not at all! I try to match what they spend on birthdays etc but I just can’t. I do make sure to get them all gifts though and have tried to pay for meals but it’s been refused.

I’d never expect anything from them if we split up other than hopefully the money from him (which he would realistically get from his parents).

And just for clarification, I’m terms of the medical costs they added me to a insurance plan that is subsidised by work. The plan was for me to pay the amount when it came through but they covered it so it cost them £124 in the end which they refused to let me pay. The birthday meal was around £200 which I had planned to treat everyone to and they paid when I went to the bathroom before dessert. I don’t ask for anything from them. I just know they’d cover his loan if they knew about it.

@toolazytothinkofausername

Make sure he isn't going to dump you after Christmas and keep the gifts.

Why would you say that?

@NameChange776543

And just for clarification, I’m terms of the medical costs they added me to a insurance plan that is subsidised by work. The plan was for me to pay the amount when it came through but they covered it so it cost them £124 in the end which they refused to let me pay. The birthday meal was around £200 which I had planned to treat everyone to and they paid when I went to the bathroom before dessert. I don’t ask for anything from them. I just know they’d cover his loan if they knew about it.

It sounds like they do things for you because they care for you AND because they can afford it. I bet they'd be mortified if they knew you felt the way you do. I know I would in that situation. Your money should be going towards you and your future, not to buy things for people who already have a lot. One day your situation may change and you could find you wish you had saved that money/used it for something else for you. I'm not saying don't buy gifts, but rather don't buy expensive gifts to show your appreciation. You sound like a nice person and I'm sure that gratitude and love you feel is already very clear to them.

@LaDamaDeElche
They are definitely very caring. I think they do appreciate it, usually the smaller things. I got them a personalised engraved glass (not as tacky as it sounds- engraved with a nice outline of a photo) and they send a photo every time they use it and express how much they love it. I think if I was a better gift giver I could think of presents that wouldn’t cost a lot. I know anything I could give they could buy themselves so expensive gifts are a bit pointless.

It was the same with the holiday. I offered to cover transport as my share and they asked me to choose a cafe and take them there for a slice of cake instead. When the time came to pay they insisted that they would be paying and that they weren’t asking their children to pay so I certainly wouldn’t be. I find the mindset change difficult as I was always told to pay my way despite us not having much. I’d be given a small amount of pocket money (20p when I was very small, 50p when I was a little bit older up to £2 as a teen) and if I wanted an ice cream at the park for example I was told to use my pocket money even if my aunt had offered to pay.

God can't people read? Are you so desperate to get your point across that you have to spout what others have already ? He asked for the socks!!!

[quote NameChange776543]@LaDamaDeElche
They are definitely very caring. I think they do appreciate it, usually the smaller things. I got them a personalised engraved glass (not as tacky as it sounds- engraved with a nice outline of a photo) and they send a photo every time they use it and express how much they love it. I think if I was a better gift giver I could think of presents that wouldn’t cost a lot. I know anything I could give they could buy themselves so expensive gifts are a bit pointless.

It was the same with the holiday. I offered to cover transport as my share and they asked me to choose a cafe and take them there for a slice of cake instead. When the time came to pay they insisted that they would be paying and that they weren’t asking their children to pay so I certainly wouldn’t be. I find the mindset change difficult as I was always told to pay my way despite us not having much. I’d be given a small amount of pocket money (20p when I was very small, 50p when I was a little bit older up to £2 as a teen) and if I wanted an ice cream at the park for example I was told to use my pocket money even if my aunt had offered to pay.[/quote]
Personalised gifts are always really nice and experience gifts through groupon, like a facial or afternoon tea, that kind of thing. Websites like notonthehighstreet and etsy do lots of stuff and although they aren't cheap, they aren't £££ either. Putting together old photos and making a life photo book and that sort of thing always go down well too. Finding a young artist or art school student who will do a pencil sketch of a treasured family pic and put it in a frame. You can give those kinds of things as a joint present to his mum and dad. Those things are much nicer than expensive material stuff and will save you spending loads. I'm quite good with those kinds of presents, although I have a DP who'd just prefer a pair of socks, pants or a t-shirt 😂

@LaDamaDeElche
Those are great ideas! Thank you so much. They have actually asked me to choose a photo of us that I like in the past so they can frame it for the house but I felt self conscious so I never did. I know I sound like a child in an immature relationship but we rent together, lived through all the lockdowns together, he’s supported me with placements by preparing dinner, making sure I have clean scrubs etc we just messed up by thinking I could support both of us. I actually probably could have done a better job if I didn’t spend a lot on gifts. I also was allowed to go to uni for practicals and placements but he couldn’t as his degree wasn’t deemed necessary so he was alone a lot. Maybe I should have encouraged him to return home to family but he wanted to stay with me. I’m not materialistic for myself , I have asked for some date ideas from him. Not for him to pay, just ideas. One of my favourites is watching the squirrels in the park whilst having a hot chocolate.

But anyway, thank you so much. I think I have derailed the thread enough now I will cut back on money spent next year and put more effort into gifts.

Unless he has an all consuming hobby [x-box, sport, painting etc] and had hinted that a particular item relevant to that would "be nice" then your choices would please any man [certainly this one!!].

The amount and gifts are fine but it looks a bit like you are trying to dress him? .

I'd probably go with something special, something practical and something fun. Maybe a designer-y scarf (so he can wear it and think of me ), something practical he needed that I picked up in conversation, and tickets to something together.

It’s a bit more than I would spend, but if you can afford it and feel comfortable then why not?

The stadium tour is a lovely thoughtful present btw.

I’d say you’ve spent more than enough!

@bridgeovertroubledwatrr

Hope you had a good Christmas with your boyfriend and he appreciated the effort you put in !