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Original poster

This isn't enough for Christmas....

290 replies

bridgeovertroubledwatrr · 13/12/2021 17:11

Strangely this is my first proper boyfriend at 29Confused
Anyway been together 7 months and I'm not sure if I have enough for him for Christmas
So far
Adidas tee
Vans tee
Adidas jogging bottoms
Backback
Pjs
Socks

Spent around £120
Do I get more bits or am I okay with that?
Don't want to come across stingy but then don't want to be ott
Is this okay ?

OP posts:
PickElaine · 14/12/2021 19:26

@BurbageBrook

Can't believe people on here are so tight. If you've said 'I love you', over £100 is totally normal.

Socks and joggers isn't saying 'I love you' though. It's saying

'here's some socks and joggers. I can't really think of what you might get any pleasure from so I've got you some socks and joggers so you don't have to buy socks and joggers and you can spend the money you would have spent on having to buy them on doing something I can't think of'.

Foreverlexicon · 14/12/2021 19:37

All these comments about socks!

My DP got me socks for our first Valentine’s Day Grin who doesn’t love new socks?! They’re a staple every birthday/Christmas.

Sounds fine to me - personally wouldn’t buy clothes but I wouldn’t know what to get and I’m not really into clothes so I don’t really see them as a ‘gift’. No idea what I’ve spent, DP’s birthday is early January but including stuff for us to do for her birthday, I think it’s around £500. It’s a stretch for me and I start saving in October but I enjoy spoiling her and she spoils me 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is after 3 years; didn’t spend as much on gifts first year as she was skint so I didn’t want to make her feel awkward when she couldn’t reciprocate but we had a lovely weekend away for her birthday which I paid for.

angela99999 · 14/12/2021 19:42

If it bothers you, keep the presents out of sight and see what he gives you first. I'm sure you could take the "spare" presents back!
If he's like many men he won't have got you much at all, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to embarrass him by giving him much more than he gives you.

JHMJHM · 14/12/2021 19:54

Find the modern habit of calling stuff that costs money 'bits'. My mother in law uses this term to disguise her massive overspending habit. Eg ' just been into Laura Ashley for some 'bits" (300 quids worth of items)

PizzaCrust · 14/12/2021 19:54

I think £100 is fine to spend, there’s always a lot of tight people on these threads who spend about £10 on their partner of 50 years. It’s completely unrealistic to everyone I know in real life.

The gifts are fine, especially if he’s asked/hinted for clothes/things to wear. You’ve only been together 7 months so it’s a fairly safe bet. I wouldn’t spend anymore because it’s only been 7 months, but maybe next time I’d look at one main gift and a few little things.

Absolutely nothing wrong with it, though!

HTH1 · 14/12/2021 19:59

Seems plenty to me.

HTH1 · 14/12/2021 20:00

@angela99999

If it bothers you, keep the presents out of sight and see what he gives you first. I'm sure you could take the "spare" presents back! If he's like many men he won't have got you much at all, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to embarrass him by giving him much more than he gives you.
This is a good idea as there could be a mismatch of expectations.
Wednesdayafternoon · 14/12/2021 20:03

I think that's a lovely deduction of gifts for your partner and I'm sure he'll be very happy with them :)

Wednesdayafternoon · 14/12/2021 20:03

*selection

marchingtotheend2021 · 14/12/2021 20:03

@percythewitch

I would consider all those to be "bits"

My OH does this - drives me mad.

If someone is going to spend that amount of money (which is insane in the first place IMO) then buy one nice thing within budget and a few minor extras such as chocolates/scratch cards/whatever.

I always ask which is the main present to open and my heart sinks every single time he says "it doesn't really matter what order you open them"

When someone asks what did MrWitch get you for Christmas/birthday I would love to be able to say "a lovely necklace/a beautiful book/a coveted handbag" instead of "some CDs, socks, a notebook and stuff" (the total cost of which would have bought one nice thing that I actually want).

But I am having a very bad day so just ignore my rant Xmas Blush

I know how you feel, even if you say i would like this they never listen
Kellymumto2 · 14/12/2021 20:06

I don’t think it’s about quantity or how much you spend it’s about what you buy. I was having a similar stress recently and then I just thought bugger it, a nice aftershave and a couple of random bits that I know he will love, I also created the worlds most expensive advent calendar which he’ll have had all through December and every single gift I can explain the thought behind it, I think that’s much better than random “stuff” that list people don’t really need or want or a huge spend.

weemacmum · 14/12/2021 20:12

@SheikhMaraca

I think the point is more the fact that, at7 months in, you should be aiming for sexy, mysterious and alluring, not a replacement mum.

This is the best bit of a relationship OP, don’t waste it, if all goes well, you have many years of this kind of humdrum domesticity ahead of you!

If it were me, I’d send the lot back, and get yourself over to Coco de Mer for a ‘couple’s’ gift . Despite what he says, he’ll be a whole lot more appreciative, believe me.

We don't know anything about their circumstances though? Who says everybody wants sexy, mysterious and alluring?

I know on meeting my partner, we'd both had quite enough of ''mysterious'' and ''alluring'' - we were exhausted with it quite frankly and both delighted when we finally could just settle into what we actually were with no game playing...

If he asked for socks, give him the socks. Good blokes just say what they mean IMO!

XingMing · 14/12/2021 20:16

My DH (and DS) really like to be bought (nice) pants and socks for Christmas. They would both prefer to choose their own shirts and gizmos so they get exactly what they want. For DS, ATM, it is all about high end professional tv camera accessories. DH doesn't really want anything actively because he would buy what he wants on 10 January or 26 June if he saw it.

Morgysmum · 14/12/2021 20:21

You definitely have spent enough. I have been with my other half for 16 years. I have never spent £120 on my partner. Money is tight and we have a kid.

CrankyFrankie · 14/12/2021 20:28

Genuinely bemused at everyone’s ‘outrage’ at spending £120 on your partner?! On the same forum where people gleefully bang on about spending at least 5x that on each of their kids. I don’t think it’s ott at all. Have a cracking Christmas OP and I hope he gets you something lovely too xo

LaDamaDeElche · 14/12/2021 20:53

@NameChange776543

It depends how you are financially. I’m a student but I’ve bought my boyfriend an Apple Watch plus £150ish worth of other gifts. I grew up with nothing and get the full loan now so I use that and any other money I make to spoil others where I can as I couldn’t afford to when I was younger (23 now).
I felt quite sad when I read that. You're confusing materialism with love there. You don't have to spend ££££ to 'spoil' people. You're a student and you'll have to pay that money back. Those people should be telling you that's too much. Present buying is out of control these days. An Apple Watch is loads and anyone who would accept £150 worth of other gifts off a student is a bit of a knob. You're 23. You probably won't be with him in 5 years.
THEDEACON · 14/12/2021 21:32

More than enough !

Roxy69 · 14/12/2021 22:55

It's too much, keep some back for his birthday. It's a lot to spend and might be seen as pushy.

FortniteBoysMum · 14/12/2021 22:56

I would say its fine but stop now. In future maybe discuss a limit. Been with my partner 13 years this Christmas so whilst we don't set a limit anymore I have kind of accepted I will always do more than he does. This year no doubt will be no exception but then he tends to pay for our family holidays. Christmas to me is more about seeing the family happy so it works for us.

FrancescaContini · 14/12/2021 23:00

Totally overkill. Why so much stuff? I’d find it overwhelming to open so many gifts from one person. It becomes a bit meaningless after a while.

oggie679 · 14/12/2021 23:46

@bridgeovertroubledwatrr

I asked him what he wanted and he said he would like those things (obviously not exact colours etc ) But he gave me a rough idea
Did he actually say he wanted all those things at once or was he just giving you ideas? It's way more than I've ever spent on a partner in our first year...and now my other half and I have been together ages we have a £50 limit!
IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0 · 14/12/2021 23:52

7 months in and you're giving him PJs and socks...............are you imitating his mother??????

marktayloruk · 15/12/2021 00:05

More than generous.

chaosmaker · 15/12/2021 01:36

It's not about the money but about getting something they'll really love!

NameChange776543 · 15/12/2021 01:44

@ConfusedAhhh
Not to derail thread but I’ve been with him since 19. I do have an overdraft that I’ve used (a few grand) but it’s a student overdraft so no interest… I have until 1 year post graduation to pay it off. I graduate in 2023 as I’m doing a 6 year degree so I have the time to sort it. Boyfriend actually owes me just over £3k so I could have afforded the watch if he didn’t owe me money. I do have some money in a help fo buy ISA so not completely without money if needs be. I get no help from parents as they’re in their late 60s/70s now and both retired.

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