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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This isn't enough for Christmas....

290 replies

bridgeovertroubledwatrr · 13/12/2021 17:11

Strangely this is my first proper boyfriend at 29Confused
Anyway been together 7 months and I'm not sure if I have enough for him for Christmas
So far
Adidas tee
Vans tee
Adidas jogging bottoms
Backback
Pjs
Socks

Spent around £120
Do I get more bits or am I okay with that?
Don't want to come across stingy but then don't want to be ott
Is this okay ?

OP posts:
MrsLargeEmbodied · 13/12/2021 19:20

you didint have to get him everything he asked for,
take some back

MrsLargeEmbodied · 13/12/2021 19:21

and pjs are not romantic.
does he read?

esloquehay · 13/12/2021 19:21

Is this a joke, or a reverse?!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 13/12/2021 19:22

My first Christmas with DH, I bought him a Samsung tablet (this was in 2013 and they were a lot cheaper then) and some bits to go with it. Can’t remember what. Probably spent about the same as you. We’d been going out since the March and were living together and due DD1.

We’re now nearly 9 years in and married and he’s getting a new iPad as his main present plus some other things to go with it that he wants/needs.

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/12/2021 19:26

Doesn’t he buy his own clothes?

Will you be pleased if he’s got you joggers?

But cost wise it’s fine if you’re well off and he’s likely to spend about the same.

TurnUpTurnip · 13/12/2021 19:26

All these “I don’t even spend that on my husband” comments are annoying, I’m guessing most of you that don’t its because you have kids? It’s clear when people have kids they start spending less on their partners and mostly on the kids so it’s not relevant.
I think it sounds fine op

WheekestLink · 13/12/2021 19:27

That's a lot for 7 months in! I've always (and continue to do so) bought theatre / gig tickets / experience.

I don't like a significant other (unless they really know me) buying me clothes / shoes.

AngelinaFibres · 13/12/2021 19:30

If those presents are what he asked for then presumably he will be very happy with them. Everything is a learning experience in life and nothing is ever wasted. If you get him what he wants and he gets you a lovely present/presents then onwards together into 2022. If he takes all the presents you have got him but gives you a cheap , generic item then the learning has cost you £120 but you are so much wiser....and single in 2022.
I worked with a young woman once who spent ages buying the perfect presents for her partner, wrapping them beautifully and taking enormous care. After Christmas another colleague asked what he had given her. Apparently it was a sweatshirt in a masculine colour that happened to be in his size. Special. Thankfully they split up soon after.

kitcat15 · 13/12/2021 19:31

I've been 36 years with my partner....spend about 20 quid 😁

kitcat15 · 13/12/2021 19:31

I've been 36 years with my partner....spend about 20 quid 😁

SunshineCake1 · 13/12/2021 19:33

@toolazytothinkofausername

Make sure he isn't going to dump you after Christmas and keep the gifts.
How do you propose she does that?
MinnieJackson · 13/12/2021 19:39

Yeah that's plenty id say Smile got dh aftershave, smellies and the new Stephen king book, I'll probably throw in some jelly babies and some guinness.

LagunaBubbles · 13/12/2021 19:40

If someone is going to spend that amount of money (which is insane in the first place IMO)

Why? If people can afford it they can spend what they like on each other, its like a competition on here sometimes who can spend the least. When our boys were younger me and DH didn't buy each other anything at all and then and then a small amount, and its only just increased in last few years. I've probably spent about £250 on him , because I wanted to.

katienana · 13/12/2021 19:42

It all depends on your income and how much disposable income you have. For some people £120 is 2 weeks food for 4 people, for others it's a night out. I think it's fine not ott but not stingy.

SamMil · 13/12/2021 19:44

Sounds fine to me!

Storminamu · 13/12/2021 19:44

It's a bit as though you feel it's up to you to clothe the man!!

Wife2b · 13/12/2021 19:45

That’s enough OP, enjoy.

JudgeJ · 13/12/2021 19:47

@Fritilleries

That's 4x what I've spent on my hubby of 16 years! Grin
That's about 5 times what I spent after 50 years!
JumparooSavedMyLife · 13/12/2021 19:49

That's more than I get my husband 🤣!! I'd probably discuss what you were going to spend on one another so you don't look like you've gone overboard (or been stingy) when you exchange gifts.

DrGoogleSaysSo · 13/12/2021 19:53

That seems too much to me. Don't be disappointed if he won't spend as much on you.

Sn0tnose · 13/12/2021 19:57

I think that’s a lovely selection of presents, especially as he’s told you that those are the sort of things he’d like.

And ignore everyone telling you it’s too much; you definitely won’t come across as being a skinflint but it’s not over the top if you can afford it without struggling. I think I might have been inclined to have had a chat about budget beforehand but plenty of people spend hundreds on their partners, especially when they don’t have children.

5foot5 · 13/12/2021 20:02

@bridgeovertroubledwatrr

Strangely this is my first proper boyfriend at 29Confused Anyway been together 7 months and I'm not sure if I have enough for him for Christmas So far Adidas tee Vans tee Adidas jogging bottoms Backback Pjs Socks

Spent around £120
Do I get more bits or am I okay with that?
Don't want to come across stingy but then don't want to be ott
Is this okay ?

What exactly is a backback?
WellLarDeDar · 13/12/2021 20:02

Been with my DH for 10 years and we spend £100 on each other on birthdays and Christmas. So £120 imo is plenty. But if you can afford it and not worry about it then spend it if you're happy to?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 13/12/2021 20:04

@NameChange776543

It depends how you are financially. I’m a student but I’ve bought my boyfriend an Apple Watch plus £150ish worth of other gifts. I grew up with nothing and get the full loan now so I use that and any other money I make to spoil others where I can as I couldn’t afford to when I was younger (23 now).
I hope you know what you're doing, NameChange. If you really do come from nothing then your post doesn't suggest that you have a good relationship with money. The student loan system wasn't devised so that people could spend it on lavish gifts for their boyfriend. I don't know a single student who has that kind of money to spare on such things. Apart from people who come from very wealthy families and who are getting helped through uni and then some. And you refer to "when I was younger". You ARE young. Now. You're at the stage of your life where you're just starting out getting qualified, proper career, house etc. It's bonkers to be spending so much on absolute trivia which ISN'T part of the "setting yourself up with essentials" phase in your early 20s.

Aside from anything else, if someone on a low income, on a student loan, tried to give me an expensive gift like an apple watch it would make me feel really uncomfortable. I'd know that they couldn't really afford it, and I wouldn't want to accept it. But then again, if you and your boyfriend both have the same attitude towards money then he might be very happy to.

Sorry, that's a bit of a lecture, innit? Grin Son's just turned 18 and heading off to uni soon, and it does horrify me to think he might end up spending his precious student loan on unnecessary tech like that.

hopeso · 13/12/2021 20:05

It sounds okay to me, my husband and I have been together for 14 years and we spend easily double that on each other. That's more than enough pressies, I'd say - don't get any more. But like others have said, only you know him and your relationship. Every one is different. Have a lovely first Christmas together.

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