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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it normal for your partner to just use your car whenever he feels like it even if he has a car of his own.

243 replies

Nomoreminecraftplease · 12/12/2021 16:05

Just that really. He will use it whenever he feels like it and doesn't feel the need to even tell me he'll just do it and I either notice its not outside our house or I'll see him pull up in it. When I ask why he says you weren't using it or I thought I'd save petrol or I thought it could do with a run out as I'm working from home now. I used to have just one key and no spare. Then he got a spare key cut which I was grateful for at the time however hes recently cut himself a third key which I didn't know about which he's put on his own key ringing with his own car keys. Ive told him that taking my car without even asking or mentioning it is taking without consent. He told me Dont be so ridiculous.
He also took its upon himself to get my car mot ready this weekend. Secretly and again without asking.

OP posts:
Animood · 13/12/2021 11:26

@Chely

If you can't use his car then he is out if order not letting you know he intends to use it. I wouldn't expect him to ask for "permission" if I'd put him on the insurance policy.
OP is disabled and cannot use the other car.
Animood · 13/12/2021 11:27

@GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough

Wouldn't bother me I use his without asking
OP is disabled and cannot use her OH's car.
Animood · 13/12/2021 11:28

Jesus Christ this thread is pissing me off.

If you're not going to read the whole thread fine but at least read all of OPs comments.

maddening · 13/12/2021 11:34

@Animood

Lovely that you are replying to everyone, but the op did omit that fact from her op in the first place, people have answered the question posed in the op, that info was drip fed a little further on, obviously unintentionally, however in this case it does mean that the replies are not taking into account the drip fed info.

I replied to initial op, noticed ger drip feed after and came back to apologise and advise that her husband is out of order imo, and even then got called out for the initial error, caused by the op not including the relevant info in the op.

So no need to keep calling people out, the error is with the op.

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 13/12/2021 13:46

TSurely there are no 'drip feeds' any more. The onus is now on the reader to See All.. that being what that function is there for!

AdobeWanKenobi · 13/12/2021 16:20

@HoardingSamphireSaurus

TSurely there are no 'drip feeds' any more. The onus is now on the reader to See All.. that being what that function is there for!
Ah but the OP has posted a lot in this thread. Imagine how hard it must be for people to click on 'see all' and read all SIX of her posts. SIX!! Exhausting.
Sunsetmom · 13/12/2021 17:42

We have two cars, one I mainly drive and the other my DH uses mainly to and from work. I use his and he uses mine. As long as there is a car there if u need it I wouldn’t be bothered.

Sunsetmom · 13/12/2021 17:44

@Sunsetmom

We have two cars, one I mainly drive and the other my DH uses mainly to and from work. I use his and he uses mine. As long as there is a car there if u need it I wouldn’t be bothered.
Just read comments… apologies.. replied before reading! 🤦🏼‍♀️
gogohm · 13/12/2021 17:50

Dp takes my car if he needs more boot space as it's a hatchback, also for long runs on his own as it's far more fuel efficient (double!) but he'll check first. I'm insured on his car but never drive it as it's automatic and I don't like them.

Bertiebiscuit · 13/12/2021 17:50

So, the wake up and smell the coffee moment is now, you are married to a rude entitled prat 💡💡💡

notacooldad · 13/12/2021 17:54

No.
Sometimes he asks if he can use mine as mine is ( slightly ) smarter than his van, maybe if he is going to a funeral or something but generally no. He will drive my car on a night out so I can have a drink and he will do the driving.
He also fuels my car for me!

Hertsgirl10 · 13/12/2021 17:55

He must find the automatic easier to drive, so many people I know have been driving for years and switched to manual… they all used to slag off auto but once tried it they switched. Maybe he’s just not brave enough to admit he prefers the auto, because it’s not ‘proper’ driving.

LouH1981 · 13/12/2021 18:17

Absolutely wouldn’t bother. I’d also be really grateful that he got it mot ready for me!

Feeasco · 13/12/2021 18:18

I never drive his but he uses mine. I hate getting into my car and having to adjust the seat - forward, up seat, and tilt at the back, as well as review mirrors and side mirrors. And when they find a full tank, do a long trip and leave it almost empty on a Monday rush to work. And whilst driving -fiddling to find my station? And he has also accidently taken my car mobile charger into the house!!!
I'm with you sista!!!!! Use your own car!

Baileyscheesecake · 13/12/2021 18:48

I voted YABU because he has sorted out your MOT for you. But having just read that you can’t use his car I am changing my mind and think YANBU

Lasair · 13/12/2021 19:48

How do you split money? Is he helping you pay for petrol?

cherish123 · 13/12/2021 19:54

Depends. Do you live together? Share finances?

Presumably, you have the better car.

It might annoy me but never really happens with me.

thesugarbumfairy · 13/12/2021 20:10

YANBU
The reason you are not being unreasonable is because he is inconveniencing you, by taking the only vehicle that you are able to drive, without checking with you first. If he actually asked, would you mind so much?

We have a car each - I 'look after' both because he is shit at remembering to get MOTs, services, insurance, done etc, but he officially owns both, however mine is mine and his is his.
We have a joint account and all car stuff comes out of that. My car is always topped up, because that's how I roll. His is always generally close to empty. Mine is bigger and more reliable, so he will ask use it if he needs to do a longer drive. He will also ask to use mine if his is empty and he needs to pick up the kids. Which is often. Mine is easier for me to use with my dodgy hip (its not automatic, its just less hard going on the leg because of the seat position) so if he took it and I needed it, then it would be inconveniencing me. However he always checks, never just takes it, although officially it belongs to him. We're a family though, so its all family stuff.

Your partner seems to think that because yours is the runaround he can run it into the ground where his car is more 'precious'. Honestly I don't see an issue with that if its true, but its his lack of consideration that would get my goat. What if you need to pop into town? you can't. Because your cars aren't interchangeable. That would get my goat too.

godmum56 · 13/12/2021 20:28

to me this is quite red flaggish especially getting his own key cut. Does he do other controlling things?

LegoPandemic · 13/12/2021 20:37

DH loves my car, it’s a Golf R, and drives it when he wants to play. Fine by me as long as he doesn’t get a ticket.

midlifecrash · 13/12/2021 20:40

Not sharing then is he, he’s taking it off you

Mrssebastianstan · 13/12/2021 20:44

It’s time for a crook lock I’m afraid. And don’t give him a key.

Mummyto2rugrats · 13/12/2021 21:02

Wouldn't bother me we have 2 cars one in his name one in mine were 2nd driver on each others and we take whichever is best for whatever we are doing really doesn't matter but then again all car cist come out of our joint account there is no using my fuel and not paying etc

LostForIdeas · 13/12/2021 21:16

@Mummyto2rugrats

Wouldn't bother me we have 2 cars one in his name one in mine were 2nd driver on each others and we take whichever is best for whatever we are doing really doesn't matter but then again all car cist come out of our joint account there is no using my fuel and not paying etc
That’s probably because you can both drive bith cars whereas the OP can only drive HER car and not his due to her disability ….

Reading the OP’s posts help to see the big picture…..

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 13/12/2021 21:18

Yes obviously he’s taking the piss if he’s effectively leaving you stuck at home with no transport. He needs a swift kick up the arse. My dh will sometimes take mine, it’s nicer than his and it’s auto but then I’m perfectly able to drive his manual and we’re both insured on each other policies. Remove him from your policy and tell him in no uncertain terms that you’ll report him to the police if he takes it again. Not that you have to do that but you could if you wanted.