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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it normal for your partner to just use your car whenever he feels like it even if he has a car of his own.

243 replies

Nomoreminecraftplease · 12/12/2021 16:05

Just that really. He will use it whenever he feels like it and doesn't feel the need to even tell me he'll just do it and I either notice its not outside our house or I'll see him pull up in it. When I ask why he says you weren't using it or I thought I'd save petrol or I thought it could do with a run out as I'm working from home now. I used to have just one key and no spare. Then he got a spare key cut which I was grateful for at the time however hes recently cut himself a third key which I didn't know about which he's put on his own key ringing with his own car keys. Ive told him that taking my car without even asking or mentioning it is taking without consent. He told me Dont be so ridiculous.
He also took its upon himself to get my car mot ready this weekend. Secretly and again without asking.

OP posts:
Dibble135 · 12/12/2021 19:04

I only take my DH car if mine is broken, like yesterday but I asked first albeit I wouldn’t have expected him to say no and vice versa.

GoodPrincessWenceslas · 12/12/2021 19:12

I'm happy for DH to take my car, but he'd always ask me first. If this annoys you, is it worth getting something like a Crooklok and telling him he can't have the code?

CBroads · 12/12/2021 19:14

This would fuck me off. My car is like my child. If he continues to do it, report it stolen he'll soon get a shock when he's pulled over.

Seriously though it's yours, get rid of his key and hide your spare one so he can't use it, men are just entitled like that.

NovemberNovemberDarkNights · 12/12/2021 19:16

@Figgyboa

Well to be fair, that was a drip feed on the fact the OP can't drive his car due to a disability. My response was based on the OP initial AIBU which was her partner using her car, which I stand by. Based on that alone, I don't think it's unreasonable or unusual for partners to use each other's cars. Now the disability does change that but that wasn't the AIBU.
She posted 2 hours before you though, why don't people read all of the OP's posts?
CBroads · 12/12/2021 19:17

It also sounds like he's a lazy twat that doesn't want to change gears which is why why he uses yours. He's selfish, knowingly leaving you stranded.

mrsm43s · 12/12/2021 19:18

In a marriage with shared finances, I'd think it perfectly normal for both people to use the cheap runaround for pottering around, unless the other person needed it. Makes far more sense to put miles on the runaround car, plus will be cheaper to run. Unless you actually needed to use it, it seems an odd thing to be annoyed about.

wolfstarling · 12/12/2021 19:18

Erm we just treat cars as family cars. I use DH's all the time he encourages me sometimes! Grin

maddening · 12/12/2021 19:20

Apologies, just read that you can't use his - then hibu as he deprives you of a vehicle

sunshinelover69 · 12/12/2021 19:21

Take him off the insurance - problem solved.

NovemberNovemberDarkNights · 12/12/2021 19:23

Even without the manual/automatic/disability issue, it would drive me nuts!!

Mine is set up for ME, seat, mirrors, bits in the car etc. I wouldn't mind if it was for a specific reason and they asked, or rather we discussed it 'I need to take x to y so if I take your car, mines here for you, ok?'

However, it's all really irrelevant what everyone else does. As you DO have a disability & this leaves you without transport for absolutely no reason. It's a shitty thing to do! It's also very weird he got a secret key cut. Is he controlling in other ways? Does he minimise the impact his other actions have on you?

MissAmbrosia · 12/12/2021 19:40

I would ask first to be fair. But then dh has a very posh company car that parks itself and has a perfume dispenser in the glove box and I have a 10 year old Seat Ibiza filled with Teen crud. We are both not keen on the other car as they are scary for different reasons Grin

LostForIdeas · 12/12/2021 19:57

@RampantIvy

This thread has been a bit of an eye opener for me. While we do have his car and my car in that one car is registered to DH and insured in his name and one is registered to me and insured in my name, basically they are just family cars for either of us to drive.

We have a joint bank account so it doesn't matter who refuels the car because it comes out of the same pot, as does the insurance.

Whoever is driving just takes whichever car is on the drive.

Yay you just forget that unlike you, the OP has a disability that means she cannot drive his car.

Nit quite the same situation is it?

So yes for the OP, it does matter who is driving which car….

HaaaaaveyoumetTed · 12/12/2021 19:58

Depends. When DH & I had 2 cars 1 was 'his' and 1 'mine' but we were both insured on the other and we would take which ever was most suitable for the task e.g. my diesel for long journeys, his petrol for short ones, his on hot days as it had Aircon etc. But we'd check with each other that we didn't need that particular car.

UnbeatenMum · 12/12/2021 19:58

I think it can make sense to both drive the smaller car more often for fuel efficiency and because it's potentially nicer to drive and easier to park. We discussed this recently as we might switch our smaller car to an electric vehicle. You're married and have shared finances so it's not disadvantaging you financially. But you can't drive the other one and you feel he's being sneaky about it and won't stop when you ask him to stop or check with you first. So that's a bit weird and a bit of a red flag.

Cherrysoup · 12/12/2021 20:01

I think that’s really rude. I ask my dh if I can take his, equally, he asks me if he can take mine, usually because it’s easier to take the first car due to a weird drive. I wouldn’t just take it if without saying anything.

Helpstopthepain · 12/12/2021 20:06

I have the fun car, Dh has the family car. We swap around depending on what we are doing.
It’s different with you if you can’t drive his. Maybe suggest that he gets an automatic!

Lunde · 12/12/2021 20:08

@maddening

You could agree that both cars are pooled family cars and you both have a key for each car?
@maddening

Well they can't given that OP has a disability and can only drive the automatic car

Suzanne999 · 12/12/2021 20:09

It’s thoughtless of him to leave you without a car as you’re not licensed to drive his. Without this part I wouldn’t be bothered but he’s effectively grounding you by taking your car.

Lunde · 12/12/2021 20:15

@RampantIvy

This thread has been a bit of an eye opener for me. While we do have his car and my car in that one car is registered to DH and insured in his name and one is registered to me and insured in my name, basically they are just family cars for either of us to drive.

We have a joint bank account so it doesn't matter who refuels the car because it comes out of the same pot, as does the insurance.

Whoever is driving just takes whichever car is on the drive.

@RampantIvy

Have you actually read OPs posts? You don't see an issue with the non-disabled person leaving their disabled partner stranded by taking the only car they can drive?

Joystir59 · 12/12/2021 20:17

If his is a Fiat Punto as yours is a Porsche, he is out of order.

Animood · 12/12/2021 20:18

To the people here saying "we share cars I don't care", please note OP is disabled and cannot drive his car. So when he takes her car, she has no form of transport. It is not a like for like swap.

Animood · 12/12/2021 20:19

@Joystir59

If his is a Fiat Punto as yours is a Porsche, he is out of order.
She cannot drive his car.
Animood · 12/12/2021 20:20

@HaaaaaveyoumetTed

Depends. When DH & I had 2 cars 1 was 'his' and 1 'mine' but we were both insured on the other and we would take which ever was most suitable for the task e.g. my diesel for long journeys, his petrol for short ones, his on hot days as it had Aircon etc. But we'd check with each other that we didn't need that particular car.
OP cannot drive his car.
Animood · 12/12/2021 20:20

@mrsm43s

In a marriage with shared finances, I'd think it perfectly normal for both people to use the cheap runaround for pottering around, unless the other person needed it. Makes far more sense to put miles on the runaround car, plus will be cheaper to run. Unless you actually needed to use it, it seems an odd thing to be annoyed about.
OP cannot drive his car.
maddening · 12/12/2021 20:29

@Lunde

maddening

You could agree that both cars are pooled family cars and you both have a key for each car?

@maddening

Well they can't given that OP has a disability and can only drive the automatic car

Hence my further response at 19:20