Is it normal for your partner to just use your car whenever he feels like it even if he has a car of his own.

[Nomoreminecraftplease]

Just that really. He will use it whenever he feels like it and doesn't feel the need to even tell me he'll just do it and I either notice its not outside our house or I'll see him pull up in it. When I ask why he says you weren't using it or I thought I'd save petrol or I thought it could do with a run out as I'm working from home now. I used to have just one key and no spare. Then he got a spare key cut which I was grateful for at the time however hes recently cut himself a third key which I didn't know about which he's put on his own key ringing with his own car keys. Ive told him that taking my car without even asking or mentioning it is taking without consent. He told me Dont be so ridiculous.
He also took its upon himself to get my car mot ready this weekend. Secretly and again without asking.

YANBU - ask him why he keeps leaving you without a car!

It isn't that easy or cheap to get car keys cut for modern cars and they have to programme the computer chip. Is it an old car?

@littlepeas

I think it’s normal to switch between cars.

Not here it isn’t! I never drive dh’s car, he doesn’t like mine thankfully!

He’s taking it without your permission,
He’s leaving you without a car to drive when he takes yours.
This is very unpleasant. The message is “Wife: your property is mine, not yours. Wife: I can leave you housebound if I choose to”.

Take his key away and hide all the copies. He doesn’t need your car. If he moans, point out his own car sitting right there.

@Nomoreminecraftplease

I can't use his because its a manual car and I only have an automatic license

I think this changes things massively.

Partner and I swap cars depending on what we feel like driving/whether we need a bigger boot etc but if your DH taking one car leaves you without transport that's a dick move.

I honestly thought you said gardener not partner and I was SO confused 🤦🏻‍♀️

@Nomoreminecraftplease

His car is the main family car and nicer. Mines just a runaround really

Well no it isn’t. If you can’t drive his car then your car isn’t your runaround it is your ONLY means of transport. He has options,you don’t. So by taking yours and leaving his he is removing your only choice. Very selfish. You need to get that key off his key ring ASAP.

@Nomoreminecraftplease

I can't take his car as I only have an automatic license due to my disability. Some times he mentions it sometimes he doesn't

So he leaves you without transport. He's being a prick.

Get the third key off him, he shouldn't have had it cut in the first place. Keep all three keys under your control from now on. I wouldn't even let him use it if he asked, he'd just take the chance to have another key cut.

I always ask my dh if I can use his car, we have a driveway where one car is in front of the other, so to get my car out will mean move his, that said, I still ask him

I think as long as he replaces the fuel and pays for the odd service, mot, tyres or repair it would not bother me too much. Add to that, there has never been a case when he's left you car less when you needed one

DH is welcome to borrow my car, but he needs to ask!

1-manners
2- he doesn’t know all my plans
3- I have a very reactive job, which could require me to be 50 miles away at a moment’s notice.

That would seriously piss me off. DH would never take my car without asking and I would never take 'his'. Yes all our vehicles are 'ours' but that's not the point.

@Nomoreminecraftplease

I can't take his car as I only have an automatic license due to my disability. Some times he mentions it sometimes he doesn't

He takes your car, and then leaves you in a position of not having any independence if you are disabled and can only drive an automatic. That's pretty big i'd say - either in terms of a complete lack of empathy and understanding of equality .. or in terms of control and power and thinking of you as 'lesser than'.

My dh would always ask first, I don't see a problem with that.

Wouldn't bother me. My OH and I both have keys for each others cars and they are interchangeable.

@Nomoreminecraftplease

I can't take his car as I only have an automatic license due to my disability. Some times he mentions it sometimes he doesn't

As a general rule, I’d expect him to ask.

But seeing that him taking the car means you can’t use his car because it’s nit an automatic, then Im sorry but this is really not in.
If you could have used his car, then I would have been more inclined to let it go. But not if that also means you are then stuck in the house with no car (and I imagine the dcs etc….)

The fact he also decided to take the car for its MOT wo telling you would make me uneasy too.

I think you need a chat. He isn’t to make decision for you. That’s being controlling. He needs to respect your own things and ask if he wants to use them. That’s called respect.

@Figgyboa

Wouldn't bother me. My OH and I both have keys for each others cars and they are interchangeable.

The big difference here is that the OP’s car is automatic, the other isn’t (so they are not interchangeable in the first place).

But the OP can’t drive the other car due to her disability. She needs an automatic. That makes the twi cars completely not interchangeable and changes things a lot compare to most people (and yours) position.

So, as you can't drive his car, what would happen if he took yours and left you stranded?

I would go fucking apeshit over this!

YANBU. DH and I are both insured on each other’s cars. He has never borrowed my car without asking me.

YANBU I have the family car which DH drives whenever we go out together but he'd never take it without asking. Sometimes I'll suggest or he'll ask to use mine if needed for boot space of going off road etc.
I'm automatic only too and his car is manual, if I could drive his I'd still ask.

That would get on my nerves. Does he pay for the petrol? Is he trying to keep the mileage down on his car?

Also:

Does he only do this about the car or does he push other boundaries with you?

My dh takes mine, never bothers me. But I would only use his in an emergency, it is a sports car and I have to roll in and roll out cos of my big tummy

Depends. DH takes my car all the time to nip to the shops or whatever as mine is at the front rather than parked round the back. He always says, doesn't ask, but if I said no he wouldn't take it. He knows my plans though as we communicate like adults and if an emergency came up I'd just take his. So no it wouldn't bother me

That is taking the piss. If you could drive both cars then fair enough but he takes the only car you can drive, leaving you unable to get out. That needs to stop

I would remove him from the insurance and tell him if he goes out in it you will report him.

If he likes driving an automatic he can trade in his own car for one.

"I can't take his car as I only have an automatic license due to my disability"

That would piss me off

No, I'd expect him to ask. Especially if he has a car of his own. He sounds rude. Is he like this with other things?