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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Twat at the softplay car park

413 replies

CheeseFiend36 · 12/12/2021 13:36

Leaving soft play this morning and walking towards our car. A family had parked next to us and were getting ready to go in. Their car was parked really close to my right side which is where toddler DS's car seat is. I opened his door really gently but couldn't open it wide enough to get him in without making some contact with their car, so I rested it on their left side passenger door and I made sure I did it softly, even then it was still tight. Man from the family comes up behind me while I was strapping DS in and says "please can you take your door off my car". I turned around and politely asked "sorry?", He repeated it. I said "I've done it gently", he then started walking off and said sarcastically "oh that makes it ok then", I said loudly back "well if you gave me some space I wouldn't have had to", which he ignored

Was I being unreasonable to have leaned my car door against his so that I had some space to put my child in? I wasn't tutting or being arsey or anything, but I'm not sure what he expected me to do

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 13/12/2021 08:00

YWBU and you're being even more unreasonable with your silly comments about your stocky husband and this man's 'big man thighs'.

You could've asked him to move or put both kids in the other side then climbed in the front and leant over to do the belts up.

girlmom21 · 13/12/2021 08:02

@Fomofo

So op is expected to perform all sorts of contortions to get her kids safely in a car just to appease a man who's parked too close. Said twat man, instead of berating her, could have offered to help, given he caused the issue.
She wouldn't have needed to appease anyone if she'd asked a question rather than resting her door against someone else's car in the first place.
tallduckandhandsome · 13/12/2021 08:06

YWBU and you're being even more unreasonable with your silly comments about your stocky husband and this man's 'big man thighs'.

But they’re not silly comments. Men like this only have the guts to park like a knob and then talk shot to a woman. He would never had said anything to OP’s bigger husband. It’s the reality we live in,

You could've asked him to move or put both kids in the other side then climbed in the front and leant over to do the belts up.

Why should she compromise her kids’ safety? And what if he wasn’t there, she would still have had to rest the door against his car.

All could have been avoided if he hadn’t parked like a knob.

Snowmanuel · 13/12/2021 08:09

Resting a door on another car doesn’t make a dent or mark. Resting is carelessly does that. I’m a petrol head and ludicrously precious about my cars and I think what OP did was fine. I’ve done it out of necessity before. I’m sure plenty have.

To those suggesting she drove out first. What should she have done with her toddler and child? Just left them standing in the car park and hope not to flatten them if they ran behind the car?

Odoreida · 13/12/2021 08:09

The answer to his question is 'no, you parked like a twat'. Then maybe go into the big space he left on the other side and perform an expressive dance to emphasise it

girlmom21 · 13/12/2021 08:16

@tallduckandhandsome he wasn't particularly rude. He was just understandably annoyed.

I don't understand how putting her children in the car a different way risks their safety and the "what if he wasn't there" argument is irrelevant because he was.

By saying "what if he wasn't there" you're acknowledging that it's a feasible solution because he was there, surely.

SirChenjins · 13/12/2021 08:18

To those suggesting she drove out first. What should she have done with her toddler and child

I think they're suggesting that the correct course of action in this case is she puts them into the car unrestrained, or possibly with an adult seatbelt on them (whilst obviously keeping her fingers crossed that all other car drivers are paying 100% attention and no-one ploughs into her). I think they're also suggesting that she blocks the car park while she then faffs about putting them into their car seats. The other driver must not be inconvenienced in any way, shape or form.

SirChenjins · 13/12/2021 08:20

Of course, if the other driver hadn't been a twat he would have seen how his shit parking was impacting her and would have moved his car.

Fomofo · 13/12/2021 08:26

Girlmom, giving an order to a stranger is rude, and he wasn't 'understandably annoyed' in my book of life's annoyances

girlmom21 · 13/12/2021 08:37

@Fomofo

Girlmom, giving an order to a stranger is rude, and he wasn't 'understandably annoyed' in my book of life's annoyances
Quote from the OP Man from the family comes up behind me while I was strapping DS in and says "please can you take your door off my car"

Where's the order?

SirChenjins · 13/12/2021 09:32

Where's the order

Right there - it's an instruction he's expecting her to follow. Not a 'oh I'm sorry, I've parked too close haven't I, let me move the car to make it easier for you to get your children into the care' from him - oh no. Instead she got an instruction to move her car door.

girlmom21 · 13/12/2021 09:38

@SirChenjins that's nonsense. Whenever we ask anyone for anything we're asking them to do what we want...

She's no better than him in this situation.

SirChenjins · 13/12/2021 09:55

No, nonsense is watching someone struggling to get their children safely strapped into their car seats because you've parked like twat.

Is that something you'd do?

HardbackWriter · 13/12/2021 10:05

@SirChenjins

To those suggesting she drove out first. What should she have done with her toddler and child

I think they're suggesting that the correct course of action in this case is she puts them into the car unrestrained, or possibly with an adult seatbelt on them (whilst obviously keeping her fingers crossed that all other car drivers are paying 100% attention and no-one ploughs into her). I think they're also suggesting that she blocks the car park while she then faffs about putting them into their car seats. The other driver must not be inconvenienced in any way, shape or form.

I'm honestly not sure if the people suggesting this are being serious. Can you imagine the chaos in car parks if this was widespread practice?! And it might 'only moving the car a little bit' with unrestrained children but that little bit - reversing half-out of a space - leaves you in one of the most likely places for your car to be hit by another one. Which

a) might cause some real damage to a car, unlike gently resting a door on one
b) (a lesser concern I know) might result in a child being injured

girlmom21 · 13/12/2021 10:25

@SirChenjins

No, nonsense is watching someone struggling to get their children safely strapped into their car seats because you've parked like twat.

Is that something you'd do?

No. I wouldn't park like a twat.

But if I was in the OP's situation I'd either ask him to move or do what she did but accept I was being a twat too.

Realistically if you're resting your door against someone else's car you've either got plenty of room and know you won't knock the door and damage the car or you don't have plenty of room and know there's a good chance you're going to knock the door and damage the car...

SirChenjins · 13/12/2021 10:37

And therein lies the rub.

It's why I - after weighing up whether I'd be inclined to put my own car and children at risk by reversing half out of my space and then getting out and strapping them into the correct car seat - would happily rest my door gently against another car. If the other driver didn't like it they would be very welcome to repark their car correctly.

Elle2018 · 13/12/2021 17:34

YABU and entitled. I’ve been there with kids and car seats and yes it’s annoying and when it’s happened to me I’ve gone through the other side. Not so easy with a baby and a toddler and that I would be peed off about, but I would hit the roof if someone opened their door onto my car. Even softly it will mark the paint as getting in and out of the car causes movement.

SirChenjins · 13/12/2021 17:41

Ah well, hopefully you'll not be the more entitled by parking like a twat as this man did and then not apologising and offering to move as soon as you saw someone struggling to get their children into the car as a result of your selfish parking.

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 13/12/2021 17:48

YABU. We’ve all had to get out kids in The back when there are small spaces. Stick them safely in the front and pull forward. A scratched door will cost a few hundred pounds to repair, why would you do that?

Bertiebiscuit · 13/12/2021 17:48

He was being a d*ck

Hertsgirl10 · 13/12/2021 17:50

Why do people ask if they was being unreasonable then snap at people that day yes 😂

If he was within the lines he was parked legally, regardless of if it made things difficult to you.

It wouldn’t have been such a big deal to put your child in the other side, I get it’s annoying, but it’s not impossible.

Is there no mum and baby spaces there? Since you was there before anyone else I presume you could have parked in one of them?

I wouldn’t say he was a twat for saying that, I think you’re both a bit unreasonable.

Panacotta · 13/12/2021 18:03

@Merryhobnobs

Why didn't she reverse with two presumably small kids as they both have car seats standing in the car park? That would be safe. No she was fine. Resting a car door on another car does not cause damage. Other person should have parked more considerately.
Yep
tallduckandhandsome · 13/12/2021 18:05

@Hertsgirl10

Why do people ask if they was being unreasonable then snap at people that day yes 😂

Where has OP snapped at anyone?

And OP is not being unreasonable.

WrongWayApricot · 13/12/2021 18:13

Yabu, if he was there you have to ask for him to move. If he wasn't there then while you shouldn't do it, what he doesn't know won't hurt him as long as there was no damage.

Mumontour85 · 13/12/2021 18:14

Amazed at the number of people saying YABU... every parent has been there, not enough space in some stupidly tight spots and had to find a solution! The simple fact is that nowhere has enough Child car parking spaces and expecting people to park with consideration is not asking too much, surely?!

People saying OP should have waited.. and then damaged the guys car anyway??
Put the kid in other side... across another car seat??!
Pulled the car forward or backwards to make space... and left two little kids on the road waiting??!!

You're all fucking bonkers.

You did the right thing OP, don't let all the 'too good to be true' asshats on here tell you otherwise.