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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel uncomfortable about meeting SILs new partner on Xmas day

158 replies

Day2night · 12/12/2021 07:52

My SIL wants to bring her new partner to meet everyone on Christmas morning at my MILs house. He left his wife and young kids in the summer, and they’ve been together for two months. I’m not sure how to feel about it. Myself and husband and my two sons aged 6 and 12 always go to MILs to open their presents, but having this new man there will make me slightly uncomfortable. My SIL 40, wants kids and marriage, he is already saying he wants this all again too which rings huge alarm bells for me…but she’s so loved up I don’t want to shatter her happiness. He won’t be there in the afternoon, so I’m debating leaving our visit until then this year. Am not sure if I’m being too sensitive about it though, and should just go and put up with him being there.

OP posts:
Theremoresefulday · 12/12/2021 07:55

Why are you uncomfortable?

You say Christmas morning but then say he won’t be there til the afternoon?

Theremoresefulday · 12/12/2021 07:55

Ah apologies I misread! He won’t be there in the afternoon.

londonrach · 12/12/2021 07:56

Surely it's up to mil who comes to the house. If you feel uncomfortable don't go until the afternoon.

hopeishere · 12/12/2021 07:56

Is she your husbands sister? You sound a bit over invested. Just be pleasant to him.

Loudestcat14 · 12/12/2021 07:57

You are being too sensitive. His back story is none of your business and if your SIL wants to parade him for a few hours on Xmas morning at her parents’ home that’s up to them. Depriving your kids of their present opening tradition seems an over-the-top reaction.

Pegasussnail · 12/12/2021 07:58

I don't get why the kids bring their presents over to open .... surely they open them at home in their pj's Confused

LagerthaofKattegat · 12/12/2021 07:59

At least Xmas day there is a lot going on. Food, cooking games presents etc… so you won’t be sat with him and awkward silences or anything!!

I don’t think you can say that someone makes you feel uncomfortable without having met them. You mean him leaving his wife makes you feel odd?
Do you know the whole story? I don’t like when people say husband has left wife and kids when actually they’ve just split up… does he see the kids?

I think just go with the flow for your SIL. Xmas days are busy , kids excited etc. Perhaps it’s a good time to meet him.

hopeishere · 12/12/2021 08:00

@Pegasussnail

I don't get why the kids bring their presents over to open .... surely they open them at home in their pj's Confused
Presumably she means the presents from the MIL.
Ragwort · 12/12/2021 08:00

Seems very odd that this man actually want to meet his new GF's family for the first time on Christmas morning, most adults would realise that's not really appropriate - especially when he's so newly separated from his wife and DC.

Can you suggest meeting for coffee/ tea on a different occasion first? Otherwise I would just go and be polite ... he's the one who is going to find it very awkward. If you refuse to go you are the one 'making a scene' unless you can find a different way of doing things this year.

Original poster
Day2night · 12/12/2021 08:01

Sorry, the kids open the presents from MIL not from us. Yes, maybe I’m over thinking it. I’ll just go with the flow. Thanks all

OP posts:
Dailywalk · 12/12/2021 08:01

Yabu.

Bananarama21 · 12/12/2021 08:02

Its not your house its your mother inlaws and her daughter has as much right to bring her dp than you do to judge.

Numbertime · 12/12/2021 08:05

Why will it make you uncomfortable? Am I missing something?

Pottedpalm · 12/12/2021 08:06

It will only be awkward if you make it so. Why so much overthinking? It’s not your relationship to worry about. Go with a welcoming mindset and find something else to fret about.

Theremoresefulday · 12/12/2021 08:08

Yeah I still don’t get what’s uncomfortable about it?

You sound a bit judgemental of her relationship.

furbabymama87 · 12/12/2021 08:09

It's not your place to decide whether he was wrong or not to do what his did and whether you agree with what he's doing, as he's with your Sil, not you. You can have your opinion of course but you shouldn't be letting it affect you.

Original poster
Day2night · 12/12/2021 08:09

I think I’m protective of her, she has been messed around by various men and she’s extremely trusting. Christmas Day feels like a strange choice for a first introduction. Anyway, I’ll try my best to smile and be polite, as like you say, it is my MILs house and not mine.

OP posts:
Snuggledupforwinter · 12/12/2021 08:12

Was your SILthe reason he split from his wife - hence your discomfort? Surely he'd only be at MIL for "introduction and family inspection" for a short time as he'd want to see his own kids on Xmas day? I'd go just to be nosy! Grin

HeyArnoldHey · 12/12/2021 08:13

You are being very judgey in my opinion. She doesn't need your approval and it's not a very good message withdrawing the kids from the tradition because she's brining her new fella???

stalkersaga · 12/12/2021 08:14

It's not your house and it's not your business. SIL is a more than grown adult. Smile, be polite and get on with your day.

Briony123 · 12/12/2021 08:15

Lots of us open Christmas presents in the afternoon before lunch.

Darkpheonix · 12/12/2021 08:17

If your concern is for her. Suck it up.

I get why you are uncomfortable. Been together a few weeks. He hasn't been split long. It's moving g quickly, talking about kids and marriage.

I would be concerned about her too, if she has a history of making bad relationship choices. He may be great and genuine, but it does sound like a disaster in the making.

Does she even want to be a step mum? Has she met the kids? What if she doesn't like how he parents? These are the things I would be thinking.

But I would keep my mouth shut and go anyway. She will know why you haven't gone and that won't change the situation.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 12/12/2021 08:19

Who made you judge and jury OP ?
You are over invested , it's your sil new boyfriend just go and be civil.

Lovelymincepies · 12/12/2021 08:20

I get exactly where you are coming from OP. He’s been with your SIL for 2 months and I my split from wife and kids 6 months ago, and already talking about marriage and kids with your sister! Huge red flags tbh.

If it was your SIL writing ‘I’ve met this bloke, left his wife 6 months ago and we are already talking marriage and babies, would it be appropriate to introduce him to my family in Christmas morning?’ There would fe a big fat no from most Mums netters and they’d be pouting out it’s a massive red flag and he’s love bombing her.

EdinaMonsoon · 12/12/2021 08:21

I can understand how you feel protective of SIL & I think it’s lovely that you care about her & not wanting her to be messed around, given that she is ready for & wants a family. I can also understand how you might feel uncomfortable with his situation, particularly as children are involved. But the reality is that you don’t know the circumstances of his marriage break up & it may well have been a long time coming & an amicable split. In which case, it’s not entirely surprising that he is ready to move on, despite being seemingly quick, in your opinion. I assume MIL is happy to host him? So I would still enjoy your Christmas traditions of visiting her in the morning & greet him with good grace. As PP have said, it’s a time with many distractions so makes for an easier atmosphere anyway.