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Original poster

To feel uncomfortable about meeting SILs new partner on Xmas day

158 replies

Day2night · 12/12/2021 07:52

My SIL wants to bring her new partner to meet everyone on Christmas morning at my MILs house. He left his wife and young kids in the summer, and they’ve been together for two months. I’m not sure how to feel about it. Myself and husband and my two sons aged 6 and 12 always go to MILs to open their presents, but having this new man there will make me slightly uncomfortable. My SIL 40, wants kids and marriage, he is already saying he wants this all again too which rings huge alarm bells for me…but she’s so loved up I don’t want to shatter her happiness. He won’t be there in the afternoon, so I’m debating leaving our visit until then this year. Am not sure if I’m being too sensitive about it though, and should just go and put up with him being there.

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 12/12/2021 08:48

I understand it OP....you're used to your own family on Christmas morning and you'd probably be more comfortable if SIL had met a man who hadn't just left his wife and kids...that's reasonable...you'd rather she'd met someone who was single for longer....but just try to welcome him as if he was the perfect man for her.

If he's not...which he probably isn't...just help her get over him.

Shoxfordian · 12/12/2021 08:49

It’s not all about you

She’s happy with him, he’s her choice whether you like it or not

TopCatsTopHat · 12/12/2021 08:49

@beastlyslumber

If you don't go, it risks being spun into "SIL doesn't approve of my relationship" - if he is bad news then you are giving him a gift of helping to isolate your SIL from her family support. Don't give him any ammunition to get in her head about family being against the relationship.

Go, be friendly and kind, and keep an eye out for your sis.

This all the way.

Why on earth you are being criticised for being judgemental who knows - the scenario is eyebrow raising and you are concerned for your overly trusting SIL! It is possible to feel this way (and not want awkwardness on Xmas day with a stranger) and still keep an open mind people.

Kshhuxnxk · 12/12/2021 08:50

Sometimes its actually easier meeting new people at events, no awkward silences and less pressure.

Billandben444 · 12/12/2021 08:53

Wow, you've been flamed a bit! You're right to be concerned for her but need to put it aside, be polite to him and enjoy the get together. I would be feeling a bit sorry for his 2 little children on Christmas day but perhaps he sees them later. Anyway, I don't think you're being at all judgmental and presumably her mum is OK with it all so I'd just go with the flow - it might end up a match made in heaven.

Original poster
Day2night · 12/12/2021 08:55

Thanks

OP posts:
Monty27 · 12/12/2021 08:58

OP it's not appropriate to pop in and introduce a new partner briefly on Christmas morning as everyone is very busy normally
Another time perhaps?

rubbishatballet · 12/12/2021 09:00

I must be a terrible person - I would be actively looking forward to this due to sheer nosiness and opportunity for gossipy debrief with DH later Blush.

Theremoresefulday · 12/12/2021 09:01

Why isn’t it appropriate to introduce a new partner briefly on Christmas Day!? Ideal day because the focus isn’t on them and it gets them introduced to lots of the family in one go

PuppyMonkey · 12/12/2021 09:02

Go along, be pleasant, ask lots of awkward questions about where he’s from, what he does for a living, where his tiny kids are today etc?Grin

DuckonaBike · 12/12/2021 09:06

Your concerns are reasonable, but it’s probably better to go along briefly, be polite and subtly check him out.

As a PP said, the last thing you want is to give him ammunition if he claims to SIL that her family are all against him.

And it’s possible that meeting him and learning more about his circumstances will reassure you.

spotcheck · 12/12/2021 09:07

Am not sure if I’m being too sensitive about it though

Very judgemental

Yes, there are many red flags
Yes, he doesn't sound like a sterling character

It isn't your place to judge ( even if you dress it up as concern).

Just be nice to him. You can have your opinion but to obviously ignore him would just make a giant issue of it.

And I'm pretty sure your children don't need protecting from the man on the sofa 🙄🥱

SarahBellam · 12/12/2021 09:07

You can be concerned for her and be pleasant to her guest at the same time.

girlmom21 · 12/12/2021 09:10

I wouldn't want to meet him but that's because I wouldn't want him to be introduced to my children so soon.

She's a grown woman and if she's happy it'd be mean to not meet him.

Thatsplentyjack · 12/12/2021 09:12

Why are people so weird about this kind of thing? Confused can no one ever face meeting anyone new?!

Fomofo · 12/12/2021 09:14

He sounds delightful, I love meeting new people but not sure I'd want to hang out with him either

Grayskelly · 12/12/2021 09:17

How can you be properly judge and be indignant if you haven't even met him? I look forward to meeting unsuitable partners for this reason, but I am a right bitch. If I could get away with it I'd bring all my sisters for additional judgement and disapproval. You can always bore your DH later with detailed analysis of all his behaviours. If you are going to be judgemental you need to learn how to enjoy it.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 12/12/2021 09:18

she has made her choice,
be happy for her

mnahmnah · 12/12/2021 09:18

It’s Christmas Day, so you priority should be doing that as normal and your children. He is an aside. Be pleasant, but get on with what you’re there for and don’t let his presence change that. Getting to know him better or worrying about their relationship can be saved for another time.

Fomofo · 12/12/2021 09:18

Grayskelly, good point Grin

MzHz · 12/12/2021 09:20

@Day2night

It’s not that I don’t approve of the relationship, it’s just that I’m worried she’s going to get hurt again. I can’t imagine leaving my children and moving on so quickly…talking about remarrying and having more kids within months. I don’t know the exact circumstances fully though, so perhaps I’m wrong.
Come on! Be honest! That’s judging! Don’t kid. Yourself

I’d judge the fuck out of him and I’d go over in the afternoon.

Numbertime · 12/12/2021 09:20

@girlmom21

I wouldn't want to meet him but that's because I wouldn't want him to be introduced to my children so soon.

She's a grown woman and if she's happy it'd be mean to not meet him.

Why wouldn’t you want him to be introduced to your children? He’s their parents new boyfriend.
MzHz · 12/12/2021 09:22

And look how welcoming your mil would be to your replacement if your h did the same.

Let him play families elsewhere

00100001 · 12/12/2021 09:25

Taking the speed of the relationshipand tour feelings about that out.

It's fucking weird to meet someone/family for the first time on Christmas morning.

girlmom21 · 12/12/2021 09:30

@Numbertime I don't want anyone who's likely to just be temporary introduced into my childrens lives because I met way too many 'new partners' in my childhood who didn't last long at all. It was very confusing.