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Divorcing 4 months after language - relationship 10 months altogether

179 replies

larrydavidisagenious · 11/12/2021 20:27

I met my partner through work just over 10 months ago, we really hit it off and it was very intense. I'd never felt this way about anyone so fast and as ridiculous as it sounds I thought I'd met my 'soul mate' and he felt the same. Everything just fit, we had the same values and beliefs, he made me laugh, I felt comfortable around him almost immediately, the sex was great, I just felt blissfully happy.

However things did move quickly which I was thrilled about at the start. He proposed after we'd been together 3 months. We just wanted a small wedding so we planned it for 3 months after. I think part of it was worry that Covid would make it impossible as things were changing all the time and we really wanted to get married.

My family and friends had concerns we were rushing in as did his family. We were told many times there wasn't any rush and I was constantly asked by my mum if I was sure. She liked him but it just seemed awful fast but I was positive.

Had a lovely day and about a month of pure bliss afterwards. But the past 3 months have been horrendous. He's not how he was the first 6 months, he's lazy, he's moody, I feel like things are awkward and we have nothing to talk about. I have a constant pit in my stomach that I can't get rid of. To make matters worse he seems unaware of these issues so I feel guilty as he seems happy but I'm just not, I don't want to even kiss him and tense up. When he comes in from work my stomach drops. I just feel like I'm living with a stranger and am screaming internally what the fuck did you do!?

I can't speak to anyone in real life either as I'm embarrassed as I had so many opportunities to pull out but at the time I felt genuinely happy and as if I was making the right choice so I didn't want to pull out.

It really is as if as soon as we married a flip switched and I don't know if he's the problem or I am.

I don't want to do counselling, I don't want to try and talk to him, I don't want to try and make this work. I want rid of this constant knot in my stomach, and the only way I can think of is to break up (I can barely even say divorce or separate as it sounds so ridiculous as this is a man I barely know). I feel like I'm living with a total stranger.

If this was your daughter would you be really disappointed in her? I know my parents and friends will support me but have I disappointed them? Will I be a laughing stock? Do I just hold my hands up and admit I made a mistake?

OP posts:
FoxgloveSummers · 13/12/2021 13:16

Hopefully you can get a quick divorce and no harm done.

Sometimes people do go crazy and behave out of character. I had something similar to the start of this before and we were talking marriage in 6 weeks. Luckily we had some enforced time apart and then it fizzled out but we were both a bit bewildered about the strength of feeling and the whole thing.

Do you think he meant to get you into this situation or was he confused as well?

Honestly just move on and don’t be ashamed. I know quite a few people who’ve done this - very short first marriage - and then been very happy and settled in a later relationship.

I guess it is worth asking yourself what boundaries to put in place for the future and then sticking to them (eg no moving in together for at least 18 months) whatever your feelings are.

billy1966 · 13/12/2021 13:37

Well done.

You have done the hard bit.

Be kind to yourself OP.

Flowers
ForeverQuery · 13/12/2021 13:43

Good for you OP

GoodTid · 13/12/2021 16:24

Well done OP, how are you and DC today ?

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