To be perfectly honest yes they will probably THINK you've been very daft! But they won't say it to you I don't think (you know them better if this will be the case)
You were foolish to rush in like this but you're not the 1st and you won't be the last.
If you were my dd then I would far rather you left and be happy than stayed and be miserable BUT you are also completely dismissing making any effort to see if anything can be salvaged
You rushed into marriage I think you may be the type to rush to divorce too
You're focusing on all the negatives at the moment
Biochemically what normally happens is 1st 12-18 months is the "honeymoon phase" when the rose tinted glasses are on and both parties on best behaviour. You and he seem to have compressed that time so it's entirely possible you're now compressing/exaggerating the next phase which is usually when all you can see are their faults! This stage also passes
Perhaps move out but continue to "date" and perhaps go to therapy and then if by 1 year (which you have to be married a year before you can divorce anyway) things might be more evened out and you won't want to divorce?
The 1st year of marriage is the hardest anyway especially if you haven't lived together previously so you're learning to get used to that too
You are older than I expected you to be given the situation so I'm also wondering if this is a pattern for you even though you say not? Very intense start to relationships and you have them on a pedestal and then things come crashing down? Does he do this? What's the relationship history there?
For the future if you do definitely split take this as lesson learned and take it slow next time
I hope to goodness there's no children involved?
An 8 year old dd is well op but I would think you need to consider truly what's best for her here.
I'm constantly shocked on here at parents who rush into relationships (from introducing new partners to living together to marriage...) without considering what is best for the children involved. You're saying you effectively moved in a man you barely knew with your very young and vulnerable daughter.
Frankly it's a relief that all that's happened is that you've realised what a mistake it was emotionally speaking.
Move out asap and in future take things much more slowly
Tbh I think even introducing children to a new partner before 6 months of dating is very foolish and unfair on the children.
he has never shown any signs of being abusive towards me or my daughter
Tbh you really haven't taken enough time to assess whether he was a risk or not it seems you "got away with" taking that risk and I sincerely hope that's the case as a survivor of abuse myself
I also raised my dd as a single mum and while no relationships I had while she was a child developed into anything long term if they had or were looking like they could then I would have waited until at least 6 months in to gradually introduce new partner to dd I'd have checked in regularly with dd if they felt happy and safe around new partner and carefully observed how the new partner was with them. I'd also have not left the child alone with them until at least a year in and certainly not if I sensed even a hint that dd wasn't comfortable with that. Assuming all was going well I would wait until at least 3 years in before even considering moving in together/marriage.
Maybe I'm more cautious than some with my history but quite honestly given the stats on difficulties with step parents and even bio parents and child abuse/neglect or even "just" the difficulties of step parenting generally I don't think what I've outlined is an unreasonable time line
Soooo many threads on here where parents have rushed into moving new partners in with their kids and the step parents are at the very least undermining their parenting and at worst bullying and abusive
It's just not a risk I would EVER have taken with dd
We have a very close relationship and have discussed this topic at times and while she doesn't have the experience herself she's seen her friends having to deal with step parents moved in too quickly etc
One of her friends the new step dad was moved in before the kids even met him! And he was indeed a bullying arse! That the mum took way too long to get rid of. That situation has basically wrecked the previously good close relationship the mum and kids had
It is just peculiar how and why someone can switch so dramatically.
Not really it's very common especially in potentially abusive partners, but certainly we all are on our best behaviour in the early stages of a relationship
Living with someone is very different to just dating them and each of you only needing to be on best behaviour during dates - even if they're weekends long
It takes time to get to know someone and time for facades to slip - this is why it's wisest to not rush into living together/marriage
At this point the sensible and responsible thing to do is have him move out asap. If for no other reason than to get some space and perspective and protect your dd from as much emotional fallout as possible
I'd also say that it may be very useful for you to engage with some therapy to explore why you rushed in on this occasion and also for some unbiased and non judgmental support and a space where you can say ANYTHING while you go through the divorce