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Original poster

Why does it take men so long to take a dump?

330 replies

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 11/12/2021 13:11

Went to run an errand. Came back and standing in the rain knocking on door as I didn’t take my key. DH messages me “sorry, on the loo”. Can hear the children crying and running amok. Have been standing here for 10 mins now, raging. If you need to shit, surely you just do it, wipe, flush, wash your hands?!?! Women never seem to take this long - it seems utterly self indulgent and drives me mad 🤬💩 (should be an angry poo emoji)

OP posts:
E17Stowmum · 12/12/2021 21:41

A bit of peace?

After all the nagging and androgynist comments on here, including 'men are vile', is there any wonder?

TravelDreamLife · 12/12/2021 22:21

My H decided to veer off to the loo just as we're going out. The kids & me head to the car.... he heads to the loo. No warning. So we sit there for 20 mins waiting. He had ample time to go beforehand.

Or comes home after work & heads straight there. Doesn't like using 'public' loos so holds it all day until he gets home. Of course, now I'm stuck getting the kids showers/bed on my own & the loo is next door to the bathroom so it stinks anyway.

steff13 · 12/12/2021 22:26

I have IBS, so I can take a while. 😳 This wouldn't have been an issue if you had taken your key

Weemovitchski · 12/12/2021 22:28

My first partner did this and could not be disturbed, if I HAD to go he would come out and give me daggers. I think it was from his very overbearing mother making him sit on a potty until he 'went', and yes, he was anal retentive in all other ways as well...

Nowayoutonlydown · 12/12/2021 22:34

yeah my H spends a fucking age on the toilet. im just like... how do you get off the fucking toilet? id have dead legs.

40 plus minutes 2/3 times a day. and he thinks im picking on him for mentioning he spends over 2 hours a day on the toilet.

Fomofo · 12/12/2021 22:39

E17 so do women not need a bit of peace also?

RaPumPumPumPum · 12/12/2021 22:41

I always say this when people talk about how long men take to have a poo - I bet they don’t do it at work, skulk off for an hour on the boss’s time when it will be noticed. But quite happy to do it when it ‘only’ affects their slavewife

RaPumPumPumPum · 12/12/2021 22:41

@Nowayoutonlydown

yeah my H spends a fucking age on the toilet. im just like... how do you get off the fucking toilet? id have dead legs.

40 plus minutes 2/3 times a day. and he thinks im picking on him for mentioning he spends over 2 hours a day on the toilet.

Does he spend 2 hours on the toilet when at work? I bet not.
RaPumPumPumPum · 12/12/2021 22:43

They’re not pooing that whole time, they’re taking their sweet time whilst going in their phone or reading the paper. Probably to have what they think is a break they can justify. They don’t care how it affects other people, because male entitlement 🤷‍♀️

fmac2987 · 12/12/2021 22:49

Proportionate relationship between the length of time in loo the the amount of children fathered. I expect all Bojo does is shit at his current run rate.

Bambooshampoo · 12/12/2021 22:51

TURN OFF THE WIFI.
Watch how much quicker he is.

Fomofo · 12/12/2021 22:54

Surely it's better for our bodies to work healthily and efficiently, you never see tigers or dogs taking 30 minutes

Mufasa1118 · 12/12/2021 23:07

Is 30 minutes even that long.

Imy06 · 12/12/2021 23:13

I used to have a man renting a room here who would be in the toilet (which is next to my bedroom) grunting and groaning while he had a poo every single morning for at least 20mins at about 5am, made me feel sick 🤢
I was only talking to my sister about this the other day, and it is a generalisation but I think women are busier and always considering what needs to be done next, so we wait til we're actually ready to go and get our business done quickly and move on to the next task, whereas men seem to take their sweet time with it, with no concern for anyone or anything else 😂

ofwarren · 12/12/2021 23:13

@E17Stowmum

A bit of peace?

After all the nagging and androgynist comments on here, including 'men are vile', is there any wonder?

Androgynist?
buckeejit · 12/12/2021 23:16

Women push it out & men wait for it to fall out!

Mamanyt · 12/12/2021 23:26

Will someone please explain to my why we all say "take a dump/pee/whizz/whatever"? Quite obviously, we don't take one, we leave one. For fuck's sake...if we took it, where would we put the damned thing?

NMC2022 · 12/12/2021 23:28

@Mufasa1118

Is 30 minutes even that long.
Yes! I can't spend 30 mins a t work if I need to go. I am maybe 5 mins and that is from leaving my desk to getting back to my desk
Roxy69 · 12/12/2021 23:28

@Fomofo

Surely it's better for our bodies to work healthily and efficiently, you never see tigers or dogs taking 30 minutes
Hilarious, made my evening.
DancinOnTheCeiling · 12/12/2021 23:46

This thread is brilliant 🤣🤣🤣.

Buggersticks · 12/12/2021 23:53

My ex used to make himself go, every morning at 8am,even if he didn't need it. He'd sit and literally push and push and push until he made himself poo - or bleed 😳 (His dad was the same apparently) When I asked why he didn't just go when his bum told him to, he said "What if that happens at 10am and I'm in a meeting?"..... 🤨

WhatScratch · 13/12/2021 00:32

Androgynist?

Tam20779 · 13/12/2021 01:11

OMG I practically died laughing at these. My hubby is exactly the same. He will decide he needs a shit, lay on the bed for half an hour “prepping” then be in the toilet for another half an hour on his phone. Finally a whole bogroll and blocked toilet later from the fkin massive torpedo that has inched its way between his hairy butt cheeks.

Bunnyfuller · 13/12/2021 01:28

It’s not the phone. My dad used to do it and he’s nearly 81 now.

I have no idea what they do. I know mine goes to the loo not necessarily when a poo is imminent.

I do not go to the loo unless my body tells me we need to.

TeaAndBiscuitsAndWine · 13/12/2021 01:44

@Mufasa1118

Is 30 minutes even that long.
Um, yes! That’s a lot of wasted time, and when one is in sole charge of young children / babies is actually dangerous as would mean leaving them unattended all that time, or shut in the bathroom with you while they scream for your attention / food / milk / to get out (and from about the age of 3 they will just let themselves out even if you locked the door)! If you know it takes ages once you ‘feel the urge’ then wait, like a previous poster suggested, until it’s a much more urgent ‘urge’, and go then. Then you can get the whole thing done and dusted in a couple of minutes. Half an hour a day just to shit, that’s 15 hours a month, or an entire awake part of a day every month, wasted. That is really quite ridiculous unless there is a medical issue.