Page 9 | Why does it take men so long to take a dump?

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 2021-12-11T13:11:27+00:00

Went to run an errand. Came back and standing in the rain knocking on door as I didn’t take my key. DH messages me “sorry, on the loo”. Can hear the children crying and running amok. Have been standing here for 10 mins now, raging. If you need to shit, surely you just do it, wipe, flush, wash your hands?!?! Women never seem to take this long - it seems utterly self indulgent and drives me mad 🤬💩 (should be an angry poo emoji)

PermanentTemporary · 11/12/2021 22:49

I'd install a keysafe if I were you.

I'm aware I have very unfeminine shitting habits - it's frequent and it smells - though I'm usually pretty incontinent rapid. I can believe I'm unusual for my sex though. And of course it's pleasurable, what could be better than a really good clearout!

My bf is a stealth bomber - he disappears for 90 seconds and it's all over. Maybe after we've clocked up a few years it'll slow down.

user1471423151 · 11/12/2021 22:49

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

They go when they're not ready! They decide they want a poo, then go and spend ages forcing some out, and then they need to go back later to force some more

This has to be correct. There’s no other explanation! It’s just such an odd thing to do; like the male equivalent of soaking in a bath but instead of a warm bath with nice smells it’s a cold throne of stench.

“cold throne of stench”. Damn near shat myself laughing at that!!

Bloke here (min 30 minute dump every day btw. I look forward to it sometimes).

OverTheRubicon · 11/12/2021 22:50

[quote Mufasa1118]@tiredanddangerous I don't think 30 minutes is long. It is my normal amount of time. And I read my phone while I am in the bathroom. It is a nice calming procedure[/quote]
If that's your life and it works for your setup, all well and good. But if you're doing this daily with young kids, and have never checked on your health, I think it's a bit of a burden for the other person. And if someone was doing it at work - again, without an underlying health issue and therefore having a plan around reasonable adjustment to ensure it wasn't unfair Vs other colleagues who were doing 25 mins more work every day - I'd absolutely think they were taking the piss (the poo?).

Fatandfifty49 · 11/12/2021 22:51

My DH has spent so long on the toilet lately that he could've written a novel in that time

Summerfun54321 · 11/12/2021 22:59

Not all men, my DH blasts them out in no time.

JojobaFromOctober · 11/12/2021 23:00

Shouldnt everyone have freedom over their body?

Hahaha. The freedom to sit on the loo for ages before (or after) actually shitting, yes that one always comes up in the human rights treatises.

If you're enjoying your lengthy bathroom breaks, crack on. I could not care less how you choose to spend your time.

Icanflyhigh · 11/12/2021 23:05

Hahahaha because WIFI!!!

Turn off the WiFi as they enter the bathroom. They're out in less than a minute, guaranteed!!😂😂

imamearcat · 11/12/2021 23:15

Oh god my DH is the same it drives me mad!! He always seems to go when we are getting the kids ready for school!

Disneydatknee88 · 11/12/2021 23:23

My DH is the same. I will not pooh until I absolutely have to and it's done and dusted in 2 mins tops. My DH likes to schedule his in and take his time. He has a pooh first thing when he wakes up, then he will Potter around the house, have a coffee and schedule in his proper poop time where he just sits there forever. Its like a hobby of his. It is very annoying. My dad is the same. I think its a man thing.

Lilyargin · 11/12/2021 23:32

@ItsDinah They could hasten things along with a few pints of very strong black coffee and a mustard sandwich before they go.
🤣🤣🤣

Weenurse · 11/12/2021 23:35

I find the theory that women push and men use gravity, an interesting one.
Nurse here, I take a female patient to the toilet, I make their bed, and then they are generally ready for the shower.
Male patient to toilet, I can make 3 beds and shower my female patient, before the male is ready to leave the toilet. ( generalisation, I know)
DH always has us ready in the car to go somewhere, and then decides to go poop, spending half an hour on the toilet. DD Andy I now plan for it

Weenurse · 11/12/2021 23:35

And not Andy

Firesidefox · 11/12/2021 23:42

@DuchessSilver

They go when they're not ready! They decide they want a poo, then go and spend ages forcing some out, and then they need to go back later to force some more. Much more efficient to wait until you actually need a poo.

Is that what it is? There are three men in this house and I wonder about this too.

I decided I need a poo and about two minutes later am back doing whatever it was I was doing before.

OhGiveUp · 11/12/2021 23:48

I've never known a bloke yet who can speed shit.
Mine once left me in a shopping mall while he just ' nipped to the loo '
Too bad that I was left outside a rather nice handbag shop with his credit card in my purse to while away the time.
Funnily enough, he's always managed to speed shit when out and about with me since 😁

justasking111 · 11/12/2021 23:49

Why do they have to announce that they're going and then tell you when they're having odd bowel movements yuk

aurynne · 12/12/2021 00:20

Men have a G-spot on their prostrate gland, and poo rubs against it on its way out. This is why taking a dump is a much more pleasurable exercise for men than for women, and they enjoy taking time at it. Some men, especially when slightly constipated, can even experience an orgasm during defecation. Some of my male friends were astounded that women didn't find pooing "pleasurable".

For women, having a poo is a relief (same as having a wee) but there's no sexual pleasure involved. So we get it done quickly and efficiently.

Women also tend to flush as soon as the poo falls into the toilet, while men leave it to macerate there for the duration of the dumping exercise. So that's why men stink the place more than women. Not because women's poo doesn't smell, but because of the amount of time poo is left there to rot when men are at it.

slaybellsringing · 12/12/2021 00:28

All the wiping and wiping without washing is
Making me want to vom. 🤢

WhatsWrongWithMyUsername · 12/12/2021 01:53

@aurynne

Men have a G-spot on their prostrate gland, and poo rubs against it on its way out. This is why taking a dump is a much more pleasurable exercise for men than for women, and they enjoy taking time at it. Some men, especially when slightly constipated, can even experience an orgasm during defecation. Some of my male friends were astounded that women didn't find pooing "pleasurable".

For women, having a poo is a relief (same as having a wee) but there's no sexual pleasure involved. So we get it done quickly and efficiently.

Women also tend to flush as soon as the poo falls into the toilet, while men leave it to macerate there for the duration of the dumping exercise. So that's why men stink the place more than women. Not because women's poo doesn't smell, but because of the amount of time poo is left there to rot when men are at it.

Aha this is the most likely real answer, thank you.

Frlrlrubert · 12/12/2021 02:44

My (very long ago) ex, who was a speedy shitter for a man, used to say he waited for the 'third knock'. So, the first time you get the inkling you need a shit, ignore it, the second time, ignore it, the third time, go for a shit, and by that point it's ready to come straight out.

I think most people who take 30 minutes (and aren't constipated) are going too early.

DH has been known to declare 'I might need a poo'. Either you do or you don't. Pretty such he goes to 'find out' when he's taking 20 minutes. I count myself lucky he only does it when he actually has nothing to do (rather than when he's supposed to be watching DD or leaving the house like some). I still think it's weird though.

Snoozer11 · 12/12/2021 02:47

@BabyPotato how on earth did your mother find out about that?!

RobertSmithsLipstick · 12/12/2021 02:56

I find males seem to have set times, regardless of whether there is actually a poo on it's way.
So, they sit in there for ages, and come out all disgruntled because they couldn't go.

SmellyOldOwls · 12/12/2021 03:03

@DillonPanthersTexas

Blokes indeed spend a long time taking a dump. However, quite what women do in the bathroom that takes so long when not taking a dump is another question of the ages.

It is called 'washing'

RobertSmithsLipstick · 12/12/2021 03:03

Vapeyvapevape · 12/12/2021 03:37

@aurynne I get a nice feeling after I’ve pooed, a sort of mini orgasm

birdglasspen · 12/12/2021 04:26

DH takes forever. Our toilet door can be opened from outside even if locked so our young boys join him then spend the time sending me picture emojis on his phone 😂 childcare and poo at the same time 😂 seriously it drives me insane, his poo is like a big event of the day, I just feel the need, pop one out and carry on, no one knows, I don’t take a phone with me, I just go! Unfortunately eldest DS has bad constipation so we are in habit of watching cartoons after dinner while trying for a poo, so far other DS just goes when he needs one! I’ve already created one more infuriating poo male ....sorry future partners! I think having a poo and a wank at the same time is unlikely? Would you really just after a poo or just before? My DH just takes forever and won’t go in a public toilet either!