Why does it take men so long to take a dump?

[Justheretoaskaquestion91]

Went to run an errand. Came back and standing in the rain knocking on door as I didn’t take my key. DH messages me “sorry, on the loo”. Can hear the children crying and running amok. Have been standing here for 10 mins now, raging. If you need to shit, surely you just do it, wipe, flush, wash your hands?!?! Women never seem to take this long - it seems utterly self indulgent and drives me mad 🤬💩 (should be an angry poo emoji)

@anon666

I've just read the attached article and seen "the need to use fingers to evacuate".

Do some people need to reach in there and help? This has raised more questions than answers

I once had to “push it back up”…

I had pushed it out but the last little bit wouldn’t come. I didn’t want to sit there for ages waiting for it to finally stop so I pushed it back up, washed my hands and walked off. It finally came out about an hour later I think

Using the lavatory is a form of meditation for us men. It is a moment of calm, uninterrupted quiet in an otherwise hectic world.

In which case it's an optional leisure activity and should not be indulged in when you're supposed to be looking after your kids or 5 minutes before you were supposed to be leaving the house, for example.

I don't honestly think anyone cares about men who treat shitting as a hobby, even if we'd don't share the interest.

It's the inconsiderate and selfish attitude that many men have to their hobbies when they use them to ignore other responsibilities that is the problem. That and sometimes hogging a room that other people need to use as well.

If you're using your actual free time and not inconveniencing your family, nobody cares.

It doesnt take them long, they just have a free pass to blow off their parental/adult respabilities.

I never quite understood why my dad used to take so long on the toilet until I became a single parent!! Its to get some peace, although being a single mother it does have its draw backs as I'm the only one on call 😆 🤣 BTW my son is 10 so not tiny otherwise I wouldn't spend so much time in there haha but it's defo so they aint bothered/nagged etc sorry blokes ya games up 😏😉

I have often wondered about this. I've even googled it and it's men just messing about doing something else other than actually releasing poop. DH has rituals, lining part of toilet bowl with folded paper to avoid splash back, pulling up a foot stool, wiping with folded not bunched up wads of loo roll, maybe using the shower head hose to rinse or clean to bowl (and dripping water on the sodding floor without wiping it up). I've had to ask wtf is going on because it's so ridiculous how long he takes. Ffs it's a shit, not a religious ceremony.

I agree with everyone that its an excuse to " have some space" and get out of family work.

I used to accuse exh of having a shitwank as he was in there for so long!

I agree it is an excuse for time out but along side this do keep in mind that men do not have the lubricant of urine that women have and do not have the same awareness of their pelvic floor. They don’t push and find it difficult to clean because their scrotum gets in the way when trying to do so.

@DillonPanthersTexas

Men have a G-spot on their prostrate gland, and poo rubs against it on its way out. This is why taking a dump is a much more pleasurable exercise for men than for women, and they enjoy taking time at it. Some men, especially when slightly constipated, can even experience an orgasm during defecation. Some of my male friends were astounded that women didn't find pooing "pleasurable".

Do you actually believe this?

Yes, apart from a number of men confirming it, it is well known that men love to stimulate their prostate. Plenty of anal toys in the sex industry will confirm this. Why do you find this hard to believe?

Being on the toilet for a long time like that can leads to piles, watch out

Yes, apart from a number of men confirming it, it is well known that men love to stimulate their prostate. Plenty of anal toys in the sex industry will confirm this. Why do you find this hard to believe?

Why are you conflating anal sex toys with having a shit. Yes, prostrate stimulation as part of foreplay,/sex is a thing but the notion that blokes get sexually turned on everytime they take a dump sounds like something from some third rate glossy magazine pop psychology bullshit.

I have a weird husband that gets in, does it, then gets out. I showed him this thread and he asked what was wrong with them that it took them 40 mins!

Could it be that their intestines are longer so there is a greater distance for the 'stuff' to travel?

(I'm not a doctor by the way, so I don't really know. To be honest I'm basing it on getting the last bits out of a tube of toothpaste.)

My ex used to go at the same time every day, taking a computer magazine with him. Told our DD to save her all her poo's for when she was at home 🤔. Found out he also had to completely strip off to be comfortable on the loo and had done for years and had a weird ritual of wiping with one sheet at a time folded over then wiping the residue off his fingers. I never got over knowing this! 🤢

@DillonPanthersTexas

Yes, apart from a number of men confirming it, it is well known that men love to stimulate their prostate. Plenty of anal toys in the sex industry will confirm this. Why do you find this hard to believe?

Why are you conflating anal sex toys with having a shit. Yes, prostrate stimulation as part of foreplay,/sex is a thing but the notion that blokes get sexually turned on everytime they take a dump sounds like something from some third rate glossy magazine pop psychology bullshit.

Just like I don’t get turned on inserting a tampon or mooncup.

God I thought my DH was unique!! Fantastic to hear they all take so frikking long!! And they happily sit there while kids are banging on the door- shouting & panicking : dad I need to clean my teeth, I'm going to be late for school!!
And he happily announces he is going for poo no. 2 and hour later
And then an hour later comes the announcement that he is going for poo no. 3
Does my head in!! I'm in and out in 3 minutes!! He must spend more than one hour at least on the poop throne!

I have read most of this. My husband, late fifties, great dick., nasty arse. I wake up most weekends to a horrible aroma in my home. He has a hernia so bad guts. I have often thought about leaving him. But for sickness and in health and i will have a spare room from next month. I am in there my ladies.

This thread is fucking brilliant 😂

It's a cultural/generational thing as well. When I was growing up, male relatives would take the newspaper up to the loo and spend 10-20 minutes in there. My grandad used to say it was "the only way he could be guaranteed peace". Some people have a whole cache of books up there - a "loobury"

They don't want to deal, with the moaning wife and kids, this is what they think, so they hide in the toilet and read a book, or magazine to dodge their responsibility.
My Oh, also goes to toilet when he doesn't have the urge, so just sits there tapping his feet on the bathroom floor, like a bloody Lord of the dance show.

I did actually think about putting up a aibu about his stinky dump. I love him, great looking guy, thirty years in, huge dick, kind, decent, horrible arse. We hide every morning. Twenty more years, Jesus

@Lovelymonkeyninetynine

Why, thank you. I am pleasantly surprised by how many people also have husbands who act like loo goblins

@OldTotty

I appreciate the juxtaposition between a wonderful Willy and a bad bottom

I think the question is why do women need and few minutes in the loo and men regularly need 20+?!!

Oh my god I’m so happy to read this and everyone’s comments! This has ALWAYS been a massive bug bear of mine. My Dad, brother and both my ex and current OH all take a ridiculous amount of time shitting. I just don’t get it?!! Wtf takes so long? I feel like I need a shit, I go to the toilet and shit and that’s it! They use an insane amount of loo roll and my ex was renowned for blocking toilets. I just can’t help getting angry about it just because I’m so incredulous 🤨 Oh and the timing, don’t get me started in the timing…..!