To be worried my sister is doing the Alpha course?

[Southtrainer]

Just for a bit of context. My family is and always has been agnostic and left wing. My sister (early thirties) recently met a new partner who comes from a very religious evangelical Christian family. Their relationship surprised us all thinking there was be such a gulf that they wouldn’t stay together long but recently my brother told me my sister is doing the Alpha course and he was concerned she might have some pressure on her to convert to their religion. I’d this right? I’ve never had any experience of this course or religion. I’m worried. Thanks for any info or experiences x

The idea of the alpha course is to explore Christianity- it's not a brainwashing course! However, some people do go on to convert after doing the course. Is that a problem? I would encourage to support your sister in her choice.

Of course it’s brainwashing, all religion is, cos God and Santa ain’t real.
I’d be really concerned op, like you say the church historically is homophobic and definitely not very left wing.

If she wants to convert that's her choice of course. As long as she doesn't start somehow acting towards family in a way you dislike.

In the 90s the Alpha used to have some really hardcore elements such as stuff about demons or something, but they've tried to make it really popular so I imagine they've toned it down.

@Southtrainer

Christians do come in all shapes and forms admittedly - I've never met anyone who didn't believe in evolution and my church is inclusive with many LGBTQIA+ members. C of e

I did Alpha a long while ago and really didn't like it. I am happy to believe it varies from church to church, but as posters have described above, it sells itself as an open place to chat about spirituality and learn about Christianity but really it was about hoping you would convert.

It started out very open and chatty but as you got to know people the peer pressure built up. And then just as you were feeling comfortable it was the Holy Spirit stuff and 'does anyone feel moved by the Holy Spirit right now?' and people started speaking in tongues. At which point I was fuck no, this is a cult and out of there.

The Jon Ronson article pretty much nails what my experience was and it felt shabby and manipulative.

Would like to add that we had a gay person, a drug addict / homeless person, and a couple that had been in prison on our course. They couldn't have felt not welcomed because they spoke about it freely and still came back.
The whole point of Christianity is to not be judged by people.

@Coffeeneedednow

Would like to add that we had a gay person, a drug addict / homeless person, and a couple that had been in prison on our course. They couldn't have felt not welcomed because they spoke about it freely and still came back. The whole point of Christianity is to not be judged by people.

Oh no, the whole point of Christianity IS to judge people.

@Coffeeneedednow

My experience is that the most marginalised are supported by the church, we are filling in where social services fails so often. Ex drug addicts, ex prisoners etc are all welcomed and no you don't have to give 1/3 of your income! You give what you can afford if you want to, unless it's being gift aided no one even knows how much

I'm totally baffled by the number of people who think you can be an evangelical, or in the CofE, but not both. They aren't mutually exclusive!

Also a number of people seem to be using the word to mean fundamentalist, and are clearly very confused.

@CoffeeWithMyOxygen

The Alpha course is very much discussion based - it’s not about converting people, it’s about giving people a chance to ask questions and explore what Christianity is and what it could be to them. Obviously some people to become Christians afterwards but plenty don’t, they just keep exploring. So I wouldn’t worry about her doing Alpha.

It's a hard selling technique, like timeshares.

OK I wouldn't worry about the Alpha course - I did it years ago and am still atheist.

I would definitely worry about the boyfriend, particularly if your sister is behaving so differently.

Dating a bloke who I discovered was homophobic and didn't believe in dinosaurs would be a huge red flag and a deal breaker for me.
My siblings would definitely be reaching out and questioning if he was the right fit for me. Are you able to meet her by yourself?

@MincePieIceCream

The relationship sounds unhealthy. I don’t think it’s the course you have to worry about, more then guy.

This is my issue more. Its why she's doing the course that would concern me - for genuine reasons, or to suit the new partner? Some of the other issues highlighted are concerning

This thread reads as though there are 3 types of Christianity - Catholic, CofE and ‘Evangelical’

Evangelical isn’t a denomination in the same sense. All churches are different and within each church are people across a huge spectrum.

@EnidSpyton It's to be judged by God. People have no place to judge because we have all done things that are wrong.

@Chouetted

I'm totally baffled by the number of people who think you can be an evangelical, or in the CofE, but not both. They aren't mutually exclusive!

Also a number of people seem to be using the word to mean fundamentalist, and are clearly very confused.

There is fundamentalism within evangelicalism, that was one of my major beefs with my above-mentioned friend. Literal interpretation of and strict adherence to texts.

I used to say, (one of the only quotes I can remember from the bible): ‘the letter killeth, but the spirit endureth’.

[quote Southtrainer]@PerfectPrepPrincess
I suppose initially their very different views that she suddenly stopped talking about in front of him, she stopped seeing her gay friends, he comes into zoom family chats and she goes quiet. She gave up a good job and life to
Move across the country to be with him (which I suppose is normal but he didn’t offer to move there).

Im still not sold on her not being converted. As another rooster said- that is part of what evangelical Christians believe is it not?[/quote]
Now you’ve put it in the wider context, yes, I think you’re right to be worried. This doesn’t sound like a woman happy to find out about her BF’s religious and beliefs and say no it’s not for me but I’ll stay as your GF, or yes I’m in. She sounds uncomfortable and it smells of coercive control.
You could offer to watch the Alpha videos online and discuss them with her 1:1, no BF, no family. If you go down the road of you’re surprised they don’t approve of gay relationships, gay marriage—- things I assume your sister always agreed with —- you might get a bigger picture of how this is going. And I’d be interested in how she and BF met, and if they’re living together, as this might shed some light.

I absolutely agree that Christianity has some real problems. And while it's nice for mainstream Anglicans (like me) to pretend that it's all those mad evos, we should look to the beam in our own eye, too - the church's stance on gay marriage is consistently disappointing.

That said, I find that church is in practice consistently the most inclusive and tolerant space in my life. It's the only place where my children encounter genuine diversity - not a place where we all say our pronouns and feel smug about it, but a place where there is actual mixing between people of different backgrounds, where adults with learning disabilities are part of the community (there is literally nowhere else my children have ever encountered this), where generations aren't separated out. I have lots of friends who are very sniffy about my church-going and how backwards it is and it's hard to bite my tongue as they preach about how intolerant the church is while themselves deliberately building lives that mean they and - especially - their children never have to encounter anyone that isn't exactly the right kind of middle-class and 'like them'.

@gogohm definitely. We have a cafe at our church for the homeless community and have links with fostering in our county. It has a big congregation and people come for support with social issues too.
And agreed, you absolutely don't have to give a third.

[quote Coffeeneedednow]@EnidSpyton It's to be judged by God. People have no place to judge because we have all done things that are wrong.[/quote]
Some Christians judge what they think God would judge - homosexuality, promiscuity using the bible for proof.

The Bible also talks sexual immorality - this isn't exclusive to people who are gay. Anyone can come under this category.

I wouldn't worry about the Alpha course on its own but they are probably dependent on who runs them.

Also I don't know any right wing Christians and we're Catholic so obviously everyone assumes we're automatically condemning them to instant damnation which is quite ridiculous! Friends with lots of other denominations too including CofE, Methodist and independent Churches. They are all left leaning socially/politically.

Most people now do standing orders for church of up to £20 a month or they throw some loose change in during the offertory. Not sure who is giving over even 10% of their salary let alone a third!

There is fundamentalism within evangelicalism

Yes, fundamentalism does exist in some churches who identify as evangelical - but these churches are not simply one alternative to CofE/ Catholic. There’s a wide spectrum of churches outside of the mainstream, and within those churches will be people who hold contrasting views.

@EnidSpyton

The point of Christianity is not too judge people. Sadly 'Christianity' turned into ' the Church' dominated by men and a whole heap of vested interests.
I would put my parents in the evangelical group but they have moved church several times to find one that suited them.
I would think my step dad would disagree that he is the one in charge in their marriage, they seem pretty equal to me. They are not Creationists, grandad seems quite happy with dinosaurs. Neither myself nor my younger brother are married, we both have children. My older brother did marry but ran off with a woman 20 years younger. All of my nieces and nephews are either pregnant or have children without being married to their partners. Everyone is welcomed into the family, even the 'other woman' for as long as it lasted.

American style evangelicals do concern me. Tithing is not exactly a new concept. I don't see that in the UK church collections are lining the pockets of rabid preachers living in mansions and flying round in private planes.
When my son went to his new church for the first time, he asked me to go with him. I was indeed mobbed - by a gaggle of older ladies trying to stuff tea and cake down me. I have had no pressure to go to church - apart from him next week because at 17 he finds himself in the Nativity play.

@HardbackWriter

I couldnt agree more. I am an adopter and have many adopter and foster carer friends. Whilst not a person of faith, many of my friends have like you found a welcome home for them and their children in their local churches.

OP, you should read up on Holy Trinity Brompton and Nicky Gumbel. It's not just any CofE church.

Yes, I’d be worried because it doesn’t sound like she’s had much experience of religion in general. I think that exposure to mainstream religion as a child acts as an inoculation against extremist versions.