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Original poster

To be worried my sister is doing the Alpha course?

510 replies

Southtrainer · 11/12/2021 11:30

Just for a bit of context. My family is and always has been agnostic and left wing. My sister (early thirties) recently met a new partner who comes from a very religious evangelical Christian family. Their relationship surprised us all thinking there was be such a gulf that they wouldn’t stay together long but recently my brother told me my sister is doing the Alpha course and he was concerned she might have some pressure on her to convert to their religion. I’d this right? I’ve never had any experience of this course or religion. I’m worried. Thanks for any info or experiences x

OP posts:
Daisyv2 · 11/12/2021 12:19

im still not sold on her not being converted. As another rooster said- that is part of what evangelical Christians believe is it not?

Sorry don't understand what you mean?

Evangelicalism is basically a branch Christianity and they just want to share it more than other branches that's all.

Dropping her gay friends is a dumb move and not very Christian.

Campfirewood · 11/12/2021 12:19

People on here are commenting about the alpha course having never done one!
There’s no pressure in the course to ‘convert’ there was so baptism and there was never a residential weekend!
We literally sat in a room, had a meal, watched a video, debated the video, went home.
They were more philosophical questions than anything else.
I didn’t end up going to the church that did it. No one ever tried to get me to go. No one contacted me afterwards or anything.
There were also gay people on our course, who actually did join the church afterwards.

AgathaAllAlong · 11/12/2021 12:20

I'm not entirely clear - are you worried about the Alpha course in particular, or her converting to Christianity?

If the first one, I wouldn't worry. The Alpha course is just about asking questions. It definitely doesn't teach you that evolution isn't true! Why do you think that? Most Christians believe in evolution.

If you're worried about her becoming a Christian, I don't think your leftie family are are tolerant as you think you are. Why would it be a problem if she became a Christian? Would you feel this way about any religion or is there something specific to being Christian you don't like?

hivemindneeded · 11/12/2021 12:23

Alpha is about exploring Christian faith not converting to it. She may want to do it to understand her partner's values. Don't worry.

CaptSkippy · 11/12/2021 12:23

OP, if she is being pressured you have to be very careful not to push her away. If you two end up disconnecting, than she'll be at the mercy of her partner and that church.

EnidSpyton · 11/12/2021 12:24

OP have since seen your other posts about your sister's behaviour changing since she's been with this guy.

A lot of evangelical Christian men are very controlling. They're attracted to the church because it gives them legitimised power over women.

Evangelical Christians believe men are superior to women, that they have the role of the head of the household, that they are the authority over the household, etc etc etc. They believe that a woman's job is to 'submit' to her husband.

Evangelical Christian readings of the Bible are built around perpetuating a narrative of rightful male dominance over women. There's also a HUGE and incredibly unhealthy focus on sexual purity and homophobia.

Evangelical Christianity IS a cult. It's led by a small group of men who enjoy the power it gives them over others. Honestly, unless you've been in that world, you will never truly understand how toxic it is.

I would be doing whatever I could to get her out of this relationship before you lose her altogether.

Tabbacus · 11/12/2021 12:26

Or maybe she wants to learn more about something that's evidently important to him? If she is an adult why are you concerned anyway?

NotDavidTennant · 11/12/2021 12:26

If he and his family are very evangelical then there will be an expectation that you sister will convert if the relationship is to last long term. Christianity will play a central role in their day to day lives and they will expect your sister to eventually join in.

EnidSpyton · 11/12/2021 12:27

@Campfirewood

People on here are commenting about the alpha course having never done one! There’s no pressure in the course to ‘convert’ there was so baptism and there was never a residential weekend! We literally sat in a room, had a meal, watched a video, debated the video, went home. They were more philosophical questions than anything else. I didn’t end up going to the church that did it. No one ever tried to get me to go. No one contacted me afterwards or anything. There were also gay people on our course, who actually did join the church afterwards.
At the church you attended, maybe. All churches are different, of course.

At many evangelical churches this is not the case.

When I ran Alpha courses at my evangelical church, we and all the churches in the movement all ran holy spirit weekends at the end of the course. It was common practice and even built into the course material - the final sessions are all about the holy spirit. Not every church can afford to do a weekend, and it's not always practical, but certainly when I was involved in Alpha, it was widespread.

JudgeJ · 11/12/2021 12:27

Plenty of religious people are also left wing politically, by the way

There must be another gospel, the Gospel according to the Guardian in our Church!
Why do families feel they have the right to interfere in other members' lives so much? If she wants to do the Alpha course then that's here business, no-one else's.

Alltheblue · 11/12/2021 12:28

The weekend away part might be coercive if she's trying to please her partner but then anything might be under those circumstances. Ultimately he's probably not going to take this forward if the Alpha course doesn't 'work' which is quite a sad undercurrent for a relationship. If she coverts as a result of personal conviction you have nothing to worry about - this is not the Plymouth Brethren or the Taliban- but it is still quite likely to end in tears.

LadyMary50 · 11/12/2021 12:31

The other thing to note,if anyone goes on to convert and be baptised they have to agree to subscribe a third of their salary a month to the church…

ofwarren · 11/12/2021 12:33

@LadyMary50

The other thing to note,if anyone goes on to convert and be baptised they have to agree to subscribe a third of their salary a month to the church…
What? I attend church every week (church of England) and donate nothing
ErrolTheDragon · 11/12/2021 12:33

Why do families feel they have the right to interfere in other members' lives so much?

It sounds rather as though the DP and his family are massively interfering in the OPs sister's life.

EnidSpyton · 11/12/2021 12:36

@LadyMary50

The other thing to note,if anyone goes on to convert and be baptised they have to agree to subscribe a third of their salary a month to the church…
Yes. In many evangelical churches the 10% tithe is very strongly encouraged.

Not so much in C of E but in the evangelical churches I attended, this was considered to be part of your worship and if you didn't give you were made to feel very bad about it. 'God loves a generous giver!' etc.

Thecurtainsofdestiny · 11/12/2021 12:39

Honestly I wouldn't worry about the Alpha course. From what I've experienced it's pretty low key and plenty of people do it just to explore and don't join a church afterwards.

ofwarren · 11/12/2021 12:40

Wow, I never knew.
I would certainly not want to attend a church like that.
Mine is just the straight forward CofE parish church in town. Like a previous poster said, it's flower arranging, knitting group, mothers union etc. I've never been asked to donate a penny.

BoredZelda · 11/12/2021 12:41

I’m worried that she has had pressure to do the course and convert to something I know previously she would never have considered.

Isn’t that how one expands their mind? By exploring things they wouldn’t normally consider?

I suppose I’m thinking it’s sort of coercive in this instance (within the context of their relationship which has a few other red flags).

This is what you should focus on. How to support her in a controlling relationship.

casinoroyale4ever · 11/12/2021 12:42

your concerns seem broader @Southtrainer, about her changing herself rather than alpha - I've done the RCIA catholic course and managed to walk away from that, and several other churches I've dipped in and out of over the last 10 years. I've never felt any pressure whatsoever, and people have been lovely.

I do think it matters whether the changes are her feeling able to be more herself, or because she feels coerced to fit in with dp, only she can know that really.

I can see why you might be worried about the DP though, in general.

picklemewalnuts · 11/12/2021 12:45

Generally speaking I'd consider an alpha course to protect against fundamentalism rather than lead you towards it.

In my church, doing alpha would demonstrate sexual equality and not in anyway enable coercion and abuse.

That said, if the alpha course is run by his church and his family's views align with that then I'd be more concerned.

If she came to my church she'd be enabled to challenge him and step away, if that's what was needed.

TheViewFromTheCheapSeats · 11/12/2021 12:45

I personally don’t like it, and I’m a church going Christian.

I think it’s quite leading, with added in peer pressure. A tad indoctrinating maybe, and leans towards a certain side of the church.

I can’t easily put my finger on it to explain, it’s just got a push ones. I remember some people I knew wanting to stop and feeling awkward, meetings in Costa luring in younger ones. Maybe it’s just recruiting? I don’t know.

I wouldn’t be overtly worried for them, but I wouldn’t send anyone there either

EnidSpyton · 11/12/2021 12:46

@ofwarren

Wow, I never knew. I would certainly not want to attend a church like that. Mine is just the straight forward CofE parish church in town. Like a previous poster said, it's flower arranging, knitting group, mothers union etc. I've never been asked to donate a penny.
Evangelical churches are a whole different ball game to C of E. They're built on cults of personality, misogyny and homophobia and hugely regressive and reactionary in their views. The C of E is actually - contrary to popular belief- far more open, accepting and progressive than evangelical churches, who believe they're holding on to the 'true' faith while the C of E capitulates to what 'society' wants. Hence the homophobia - because apparently being gay is a choice - and the misogyny - because women's rightful place is in the home and all this feminism is just not what God wanted.

If I'd stayed in C of E, maybe I'd still have a semblance of any faith in God.

And if I sound bitter, it's because I am. Honestly, I could write a book about my experiences and I know many people who have been damaged beyond repair by the psychological abuse they endured under the 'care' of evangelical Christian churches.

CorrBlimeyGG · 11/12/2021 12:47

I know a man who minister that runs alpha courses, in his words he's "a proper lefty", actively pro equality, and trying to get a more diverse congregation at his church. I'm atheist but would be comfortable at one of his services.

I'd be more worried about the views of the partner and his family. They are more of a risk than the course.

NAMALTthoughprobablyare · 11/12/2021 12:47

I think you need to worry about the red flags that she is in a controlling, relationship. The religion will just be the man's conduit and internal psychological justification for his desire to control her.

Smileyduck · 11/12/2021 12:49

@LadyMary50

The other thing to note,if anyone goes on to convert and be baptised they have to agree to subscribe a third of their salary a month to the church…
I'm assuming this is a flippant comment...a third of your salary???? Utter nonsense.

So I am an 'evangelical' Christian. My church was led by a woman for the last 15 years, now led by a couple with equal roles in leadership - preaching etc. We are not homophobic - who are we to judge anyone else? We are called to love and to serve. I'm pretty sure HTB are also inclusive of everyone too. As a church we are very much in to social issues. We had a service the other Sunday to coincide with COP conference dedicated to climate change issues - and how we are commanded to look after God's earth. Some ideas people have about evangelicals is laughable. In Britain, many evangelicals are very left wing in their beliefs. Evangelical Christianity in the states is a very different picture though.