To be worried my sister is doing the Alpha course?

[Southtrainer]

Just for a bit of context. My family is and always has been agnostic and left wing. My sister (early thirties) recently met a new partner who comes from a very religious evangelical Christian family. Their relationship surprised us all thinking there was be such a gulf that they wouldn’t stay together long but recently my brother told me my sister is doing the Alpha course and he was concerned she might have some pressure on her to convert to their religion. I’d this right? I’ve never had any experience of this course or religion. I’m worried. Thanks for any info or experiences x

The Alpha course is very much discussion based - it’s not about converting people

It's entire purpose is to convert people, that's literally what evangelism means. I would worry a bit about a sibling being pulled towards evangelicalism because it has some quite unpleasant and intolerant strands to it.

That said, most evangelicals, like most people, are normal, decent human beings. They are no more prone to unpleasantness that are black people, gay people or any other group.

I don't think you should be concerned unless there is something about this bloke which gives you cause.

A friend of mine who is a priest has quite a strong negative view of the Alpha course. He thinks it’s manipulative and applies inappropriate psychological pressure on the vulnerable. He met his wife while she was doing the alpha course and they both had issues with it.

It isn’t cultish, imo, but I don’t think it’s a good thing for vulnerable people. If your sister is in that category I would be a bit concerned. But if she is able to think and stand up for herself she may just find it an interesting alternative perspective.

There’s nothing sinister about converting to Christianity, but there are different routes to faith and I’m not sure the alpha course is a particularly good one.

The Alpha course is a relaxed time, often with a meal where you can interact with people who are Christians and others who aren't. There's usually a talk/ video explaining one aspect of Christian belief and then a chance for discussion and questions. It's not meant to be brainwashing or ranting at people but an opportunity to explore what people believe and why on an informal setting. It lasts a few weeks and then you can decide you want to explore it a bit more or not, start attending a church or never set foot in a church again apart from weddings, christenings and funerals.

This is week 1

Cross posted massively with you there OP. Obviously if there are signs she is in a coercive relationship and your worry isn't just reflecting your own prejudice about religion, you are right to be concerned. But I think your concern should be the relationship itself, not the religion or the Alpha course per se.

What were the other red flags OP?

I suppose I’m thinking it’s sort of coercive in this instance (within the context of their relationship which has a few other red flags).....whereas his family, via their religion I believe, have very different views on LGBTQ+ rights, Women’s rights etc. They (the family) are fundamentalist Christians and interpret the bible in that way. I’m not sure denying evolution would be considered mainstream nowadays

Cross posted with this, yeah I'd be worried. Those are exactly the kind of elements within evangelicalism I meant above.

My sister did an Alpha course, though none of us knew about it at the time. It also co-incided with what I personally feel was a mental health crisis, and the person that I knew disappeared into the ether.

We're no longer in contact because I just don't know who she is anymore - and she's dropped everyone of her old friends. She's also dropped my DC, who were a massive part of her life beforehand.

I appreciate that for some people, religion can be a great comfort but I think it can also be a very big cry for help too.

@PerfectPrepPrincess
I suppose initially their very different views that she suddenly stopped talking about in front of him, she stopped seeing her gay friends, he comes into zoom family chats and she goes quiet. She gave up a good job and life to
Move across the country to be with him (which I suppose is normal but he didn’t offer to move there).

Im still not sold on her not being converted. As another rooster said- that is part of what evangelical Christians believe is it not?

My family is and always has been agnostic

So agnostic, rather than atheist. That's quite an important distinction.

I’m worried that she has had pressure to do the course and convert to something I know previously she would never have considered

Why do you believe she's been pressured to do it, rather than choosing to herself in order to better understand her partner's religion? Just because she grew up with one set of beliefs (or lack of) doesn't mean that events throughout her own life won't potentially cause those beliefs to change/evolve over time.

Unless your sister is vulnerable and/or particularly susceptible to manipulation, then give her the credit for making her own decisions and keep your opinions about it to yourself.

AFAIK alpha course is for Anglicans so relatively harmless as these things go? I'm from a very religious family and spent my youth digging myself out from it so understand your concern.

But for some ppl religion 'works' and the most important thing is not to push her away by being judgmental.

My sister has stuck with the religion thing and it makes it difficult for us to talk. I hope you are not headed that way.

Maybe she wants to find out more about her bf and his faith? Especially for a curious agnostic the whole idea of faith in others can be intriguing. Depending on who presents the course (different franchises of Christianity have different levels of zeal/pressure) it could be easy going or cult-like. Coming from a left wing RC background and as a "born again atheist" I find the willing blindness to the anomalies of religion annoying and confusing and I don't trust many religious types because it (the higher being) absolves them of real responsibility in the only life they've got. You can always ask her in a non judgemental way how the course is going and not be afraid to keep the questions strong but friendly, she may be thrilled to have a non-cult sounding board in you. When I saw your question I was reminded of this article from 2013 in the new statesman...
www.newstatesman.com/politics/2013/06/inside-alpha-atheists-foray-christianity
I remember these things because I find these cultists intriguing.
If the link doesn't work (I don't have much luck with links on the app maybe I be should pray for that to be fixed)
It's by Tabatha Leggett called "Inside Alpha..."

the CofE is hardly a dangerous cult.
This.
I know we are a secular country in all but name but perhaps people could take some time to research the established religion.

Having spent most of my teens and twenties in evangelical churches (now consider myself atheist), I would be wary.

The Alpha Course is billed as a place to discuss and ask questions but ultimately its aim is to convert people to Christianity. All of the people delivering the course will have the objective of converting attendees. It's disingenuous to pretend otherwise.

The Alpha Course comes out of the CofE but it was designed by Nicky Gumbel, who runs Trinity Brompton in London. He's part of the evangelical C of E wing who believe in traditional values like no sex before marriage, women's place is in the home (no leadership roles in the church for women, etc), and homosexuality as being wrong.

OP if your sister is genuinely interested in spirituality and wants to find out more then it's not going to be a bad experience - she'll get a free meal and will meet some kind and well intentioned people. However, I would be concerned that she's about to be sucked into a church tradition that seeks to control and diminish women. That is what evangelical Christianity is all about. I'd also be very concerned with her being in a relationship with someone who holds those views.

Stay alert and ensure you keep talking to her about it. I could say much more but as someone who calls themself a recovering Christian you can probably appreciate I haven't had a good experience of evangelical Christianity. Most Christians are very lovely people but ultimately evangelical Christianity is a self centred religion that has judgement of self and others at its heart and personally I think it does a huge amount of damage to people, especially women. I thank my lucky stars every day that I had friends who helped me get out.

I did alpha and it’s very chillled out.
I wouldn’t say it was right wing evangelical at all!
We just had little debates, asked questions, no one pressured me to go to church.
Some people left the course still confused about faith.

The Alpha course very much depends on the church and the people that are running it. There are CofE churches that are more liberal, more ‘high church’, more evangelical etc.

There’s an evangelical church by us I’d be upset if a close member was attending an Alpha course at, because they believe in creationism, msn as head of house/woman as head of home, aren’t progressive on LGBT issues (love the sinner not the sin - which is extremely problematic) and have links with US far-right churches. They’d come under CofE. On the surface they’re very ‘modern’ - it’s all Instagram and video link worship with rock music and a thriving social community of young people - but actually they’re extremely traditional in attitudes and backward, if you ask me.

OTOH, if someone was attending the Alpha course at the more ‘traditional’ CofE church up the road, with its coffee mornings fir the older generation and Sunday school crafts, I’d feel happier as I know the vicar is - whilst appearing to be old school as that’s the building/community he’s in - actually a really liberal, forward-thinking bloke.

What you describe would worry me. She can’t remain in a relationship with a man like you’re describing without ‘converting’ - the pressure will be huge. I’m a believer married to a non-believer and we navigate that fine, but I’m not so invested in my faith being a fundamental part of my whole life and community and attitude in the same way you’re describing this bloke’s family and life.

Look out for her, but be careful to be supportive no matter what. If you alienate her by saying her new exploration of faith is wrong or the church her boyfriend is from is wrong she won’t be able to come to you if she’s having doubts.

I don’t think it’s the alpha course you should be worried about but if she is radically changing her views and who she is as a person to fit in with him that’s not good. I work for a church but am not particularly a Christian and have done the alpha course. There was no real pressure, like others have said it was a discussion, it hasn’t changed my views about anything at all. But then the church I work for is quite liberal and there is at least one member of the congregation who is gay and married to a man so there is more of an acceptance of people. I would be more worried about their extreme views rather than them being Christians to be honest.

I would also agree with the people who have posted since I have - Alpha courses apply a huge amount of psychological pressure on you and they do prey on the vulnerable.

People with mental health needs, recent bereavements, recovering addicts etc were all people who made up most of the alpha courses run at the churches I attended. It's not a coincidence.

Alpha promises you a spiritual experience that will 'save' you from yourself - the last weekend is all about baptising people in the Holy Spirit and is usually a residential weekend. There's a huge amount of pressure on people to 'feel' the spirit and to be 'saved' on that final weekend.

I suspect these courses vary, depending on who is delivering it and the group you're in.

I am a practicing Christian but did an Alpha course over lockdown as I felt there were gaps in my knowledge. I was aware that there was an evangelical side to it all but felt I could manage that, even though we aren't. This course didn't address the gaps in my knowledge and the leader suggested I might find a theology course more interesting.

We were supposed to watch Nicky Gumble (founder) videos every week. Honestly, it wasn't even the messaging (which was 'God loves you' on repeat) it was just he didn't really...say much of anything that might spark debate and interest. I knew I had to back away when I found myself dreading the talk because I couldn't bear watching the videos any more nor brazening it out, as I did some weeks. My recollection of them (they all fade into one) is that it's mostly NG talking about himself and then other very, very superficial comments.

Honestly @Southtrainer your sister may just find herself bored senseless. I find it difficult to believe that someone would be rethinking their entire life's views based on what I saw of the content of this course.

The other upsetting thing was there were people in my group who were really going through tough times and needed proper mental health (and possibly SS) support. I asked the leader how the church addressed that, if they discovered that on one of the groups, that something like Alpha was being used as substitute for other types of care they couldn't access at the time for whatever reason. But that is a more general comment.

the CofE is hardly a dangerous cult.

The CofE is incredibly broad. My friend is CofE but doesn't believe in evolution and thinks everyone apart from the predestined elect is going to hell. His (alpha indoctrinated) became very depressed because most of his uni hall was gay.

At uni, many years ago, the evangelicals who would harass Catholics and Gays were CofE but the local URC (an explicitly Calvinist denomination) were really liberal.

Yanbu, everyone I know who’s had anything to do with the Alpha course has gone a bit weird, it isn’t mainstream religion to me, it’s got a cultish kinda vibe.

The relationship sounds unhealthy. I don’t think it’s the course you have to worry about, more then guy.

I don't see what you can do really.

My sister and mother are both fundie Baptists- both born aagin as adults.
I am NC with my sister - havent spoken to her in years because of her fairh.

@MincePieIceCream

The relationship sounds unhealthy. I don’t think it’s the course you have to worry about, more then guy.

Yes.

The bit about not seeing gay friends anymore, and her going quiet when he joins a conversation sound very worrying.

The alpha course might go either way I suppose, depending on who else is doing it and what sort of discussions arise. Are you able to discuss issues like gay rights etc with her, OP - is she getting a balanced counterpoint to this man and his familiy's rather abhorrent sounding views (I don't mean Christianity, I mean the human rights related issues).

Surely if you do the Alpha course you must be in the zone for possible conversion, otherwise why would you even bother? Mind you, if is he ends up indoctrinated into COfE that’s fairly harmless these days as religions go - mostly flower arranging and scones.