Page 8 | Do you think 22 is too young to get married?

SleepingNWeeping · 2021-12-10T21:32:31+00:00

Do you? Like the type of marriage that lasts past 45/50 (when I’ve heard other couples start getting divorced). Is it better to have multiple relationships throughout your life for each stage of your life instead of banking on the same relationship with the same person for 40+ years?

2pinkginsplease · 11/12/2021 11:28

I think it depends on the couple. We got married in the year 2000. I was 23 and plenty people said I was too young however we are still going strong. 2 other friends got married that year and one is still together and the other divorced.

If my dd or ds came home and said they were getting married at 22 I would be horrified, I’d think it’s far too young and they should be off travelling and living their lives before settling down.

Fidgetty · 11/12/2021 11:33

Yes it is too young in my book. It can work out in rare cases but I imagine it's highly unlikely to go the distance.

LittleMissMoggy · 11/12/2021 11:40

Lovely to hear of so many marriages working out. However, at 22 you have only been an adult for four years. I don't really understand the rush? I'm a different person to who I was at that age too, and it took a few years to really understand that there is a whole world out there beyond your childhood experiences. So I'd probably advise against it.

RestingMurderousFace · 11/12/2021 11:41

I married at 22. Divorced at 23. 🥳

felulageller · 11/12/2021 11:44

There's a huge difference between getting married at 22 40-60 years ago when this was normal and lives were very different than for 22yos now. You can't compare.

There's evidence now that brains don't fully develop until 25.

Also are both parties 22? It would be odd for a 22yo man to want to get married unless he was deeply religious and didn't approve of sex before marriage.

If it's a 22 yo woman with a much older man that rings huge alarm bells for a power imbalance.

secular39 · 11/12/2021 11:49

It's more about the person to be honest rather than age. If the boyfriend is a bad one, I would tell my daughter that she was ruining her life at a young age and to not waste and be tied down with someone who is bad for her.

If it was the case that the guy was good and decent, and/or if she was studying, I would encourage my hypothetical daughter wait till she finishes her studies or wait a year or two so she can save up for the wedding and be able to be focus.

secular39 · 11/12/2021 11:50

@RestingMurderousFace

I married at 22. Divorced at 23. 🥳

Good for you. You didn't waste time. When someone is not right, you move on not wait for X amount of years to see if the person/relationship will change and your approaching 50!

FrangipaniBlue · 11/12/2021 12:03

Depends on the couple and how long they've been together surely?

I was 23 when I married DH but we had been together 7 years.

I've kept him around still and it's now 17 years later......

BlondeDogLady · 11/12/2021 12:19

I got married young (20) and so did all of my friends. Every single husband ended up cheating. The men got into their 30's, and I presume they felt that they hadn't sown their wild oats. So, I think it's risky from that perspective, however, if the couple feel in love, they aren't going to foresee that things would go wrong in 10 years or so. Most second marriages (where the people have had more partners and multiple sexual encounters) seem to last, ime. People are more ready to settle down.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 11/12/2021 12:23

I think it's too young. Why get married so young? What's the damn rush?
People change a lot in their 20s and 30s.

I also think that some men regret marrying young because they look back and wish they'd used that time to shag a lot more different women. Then they try and make a break for it in their 30s/40s/50s.

FrancescaContini · 11/12/2021 12:28

@mincepiesallround

Those who wouldn’t want it for their DDs, I’m curious, why?

I’m so glad that my Dad (lone parent) knew I was engaged before he died. He was so, so happy. He adored my now DH.

Because there’s no rush. Because there’s more to life than being coupled up. Because I am not sure they’re mature enough to make such an important decision. Because this is an age for exploring, travelling, meeting people, having fun, being free, developing oneself professionally, trying new places…whatever.

ElevenOG · 11/12/2021 12:30

I got married at 22, it lasted 5 months.

Completely depends on the people.

WellLarDeDar · 11/12/2021 12:32

My mum and dad got married at 20, 21 and they recently celebrated their 40th anniversary. I couldn't imagine getting married that young myself but I guess it depends on the individual and if they have any aspirations they want to achieve that marriage wouldn't be conducive to.

TroysMammy · 11/12/2021 12:40

I had just turned 22 when I got married and it lasted 13 years. If he didn't take the piss financially, settled in one job and behaved like a grown up then I think we would still be together.

I lost all respect and love for him when I continued working full time and running the home and car and he was in and out of jobs. He prioritised his hobby - cycling and then additionally motorbikes by taking out loans when he was in jobs then selling them for a loss when he was out of work. Luckily we had no children.

TreeSmuggler · 11/12/2021 12:56

The problem is, life isn't so simple and doesn't always go to plan. You can't just decide "OK I'm 22 time to have a party lifestyle" clicks fingers and party starts. "OK now I'm 27 time to meet future DH" clicks fingers perfect man appears.

It depends on how you feel at the time and if you happen to meet a partner.

Having said this I didn't get married at 22 and don't wish I did. It's just that there is no perfect path in life, if you just chose right everything will be perfect forever.

And so what if you get divorced? That's why divorce exists. In case you are married and no longer want to be.

mincepiesallround · 11/12/2021 13:01

Because there’s no rush.
Because there’s more to life than being coupled up.
Because I am not sure they’re mature enough to make such an important decision.
Because this is an age for exploring, travelling, meeting people, having fun, being free, developing oneself professionally, trying new places…whatever.

I think you can do all of the final paragraph while married… I certainly have. In fact I’d say I was braver because I had DH with me (eg we both quit highly paid jobs in the city to completely change our lives… I know I wouldn’t have done that if I’d been single).

I get your maturity point but I guess that depends. My cousin got married at 19. She wasn’t mature enough - she wanted the wedding rather than the marriage - but she’s the only young marriage I’ve personally known to fail.

I said upthread that it hasn’t always been easy maturing together, and it hasn’t. But it’s also made us accepting and understanding of each other in ways that I don’t see in my friends’ marriages that came later in life. We both know exactly who the other is and also how they got there.

OhRexy · 11/12/2021 13:02

@mincepiesallround

Those who wouldn’t want it for their DDs, I’m curious, why?

I’m so glad that my Dad (lone parent) knew I was engaged before he died. He was so, so happy. He adored my now DH.

Lots of the people I know who married young were trying to meet an unmet need/escaping something even if they didn't realise it at the time. Toxic home life, loneliness etc and a belief that marriage and children would fix it.

Everything I try and write sounds like I'm saying wanting this is wrong and I'm not but I'd rather my children had lived a little more, grown more, done more I guess.

It's harder to jack it all in and go travelling or go back to uni etc when there's a house, bills, maybe kids.

Iwonder08 · 11/12/2021 13:16

Yes, definitely too young for both men and women

MeanderingGently · 11/12/2021 13:20

I married at 21 and was married for 21 years, it depends how mature you both are, how long you've known each other beforehand and whether both of you are prepared to work at the relationship.

My mother was married at 23. He was her first and only love, they stayed together through all sorts of problems including severe illness, my mother was still very much in love when my father died in his 60s. They were a devoted couple and an example to all.....

mincepiesallround · 11/12/2021 13:36

Lots of the people I know who married young were trying to meet an unmet need/escaping something even if they didn't realise it at the time. Toxic home life, loneliness etc and a belief that marriage and children would fix it.

That’s really interesting. I actually wonder if there was an element of that in myself (Mum died very young and I had a very sad adolescence for a few years - but a very happy sixth form and uni). Definitely not in DH though - he’s just very decisive and doesn’t hang about when it comes to making decisions. Funnily enough both of his brothers (and his parents, though that was a different generation) are also like that and also both married young. All marriages are still very strong.

mumto2teenagers · 11/12/2021 13:39

I got married at 21 and we have now been married 24 year, no plans to divorce.

FourTeaFallOut · 11/12/2021 13:48

@mumto2teenagers

I got married at 21 and we have now been married 24 year, no plans to divorce.

Are you sure you aren't essentially broken and crying on the inside after throwing away all of life's adventures in favour of marriage? Deep, deep down?

FourTeaFallOut · 11/12/2021 13:51

Or would you like me to budge over on the -perfectly normal and happy human who continued to live a full and happy life, despite getting married - bench?

JudgeJ · 11/12/2021 13:55

@gogohm

My mother married at 19, she's still married

I think marrying at that age was more common in the 50s, 60s and 70s, it seems that nowadays couples marry later. I was married at 20, nearly 21 and we had been married almost 52 years when OH died, I think I was the first of my circle from school not to 'have to' get married! If a woman was pregnant and over 16 it was usual for them to marry, an unmarried mother in the 60s70s would be frowned upon. Don't all leap at me, I'm not agreeing, just explaining how it was!

Theforest · 11/12/2021 13:58

It would have been too young for me. But each to their own really.