Do you think 22 is too young to get married?

[SleepingNWeeping]

Do you?

Like the type of marriage that lasts past 45/50 (when I’ve heard other couples start getting divorced).

Is it better to have multiple relationships throughout your life for each stage of your life instead of banking on the same relationship with the same person for 40+ years?

No 22 isn't too young. Me and DH didn't get married til we were 26 but that's because at 22 we were busy buying and renovating our first house together. And also planning our wedding.
We've been married for 31 years.

No, it's not too young. Some people are more immature of course but in my experience marriage, or responsibility, is what brings maturity, so avoiding it just means you have to get it another way.

My parents have seven siblings between them. Of those siblings and themselves, the only two who kept their first marriages were the ones who married young, at 17 and 18.

I met DH when I was 19, still together in our 40s.

But none of our other friends are in the same long term relationship they were in aged 20, the relationships all fizzled out in their mid to late 20s. Quite shocking when the first couple broke up, but the other couples all gradually got older and grew apart too.

So it’s not ridiculous to get married, but only a minority will stay married. Do you need to get married now? DH and I didn’t marry until we were 30 (so together over 10 years when we got married). We were pretty definite we wouldn’t break up by then.

In my experience the thing is not so much age as attitude. You have to be committed to the principle of the thing and also flexible. No long marriage is the same all the way through.

@Usernameisgone

I got married at 21(him 31) Had been together since I was 17. We split up 3 years ago when I was 32. We were together a long time and had alot of ups and downs, but ultimately we wanted different things in life.

A 27 year old starting a relationship with a 17 year old?! 🤢

Met my husband when I was 19 at University. Married at 22. Got pregnant on my honeymoon. Now 42 with three kids. Never regretted getting married altho he’s mad as a hatter. That said I did have a few relationships before I got married, including one with another woman.

Yes it is in this day and age, we don't need to get married that young, nor do we have the life experience/skills or maturity to fully commit. People saying 'oh well my grandparents did' I mean with all due respect that was 50 years ago...

Yes.

She is now 27, she as a university degree, she is climbing a successful career ladder, on a high salary, living with her boyfriend, and has travelled to 15 different countries in the past 9/10 years since she started uni (as well as 9 different countries with us as a child.

Can you not do all of that if you're married then?

I got married at 22 to my childhood sweetheart. Only boyfriend I had had, only relationship. We have been married 15 years next year and are still just as happy and in love.

I don't think its necessarily too young but it does limit your options because you suddenly have another person to consider in every decision you make about where to live, what job to do etc. You lose the right to make unilateral decisions. Therefore I'm not sure it's about maturity as much as how you envisage life panning out and whether you want/need to maintain that flexibility.

I know people who got married pretty young and it did work out and some where it didn't. Statistically the odds don't favour you at 22 vs 30 though vs leaving it to late twenties/ early thirties.

I married DH young. 18 years later we still very much love each other. As others have said we have grown together.
We started off with nothing, travelled the world together working, have lived in some amazing places.
We came back to the Uk 9 years after we set off with 3 children and made our lives here. We now own our own home filled with our family and bits accumulated in our 18 years together.

When I look back to us when we first set off, with nothing, I feel a sense of love and accomplishment. We have been through everything together the highest of highs snd the lowest of lows (death of our daughter) but we are here still holding hands. I am so gland I got to share my life with him.

Saying that he could have been a right tit and none of the above would have been.

Who knows, but no 22 is not too young if the couple have what it takes to grow together and roll with the twists and turns of life.

I met my dh at 22. Got actually married some years later but moved in fairly quickly and have now been together 25 years (Christ!)

My pil were 19/24 when they got married and still together at 75/80. My parents got married at 21/22 and just had their golden wedding anniversary when my dad died. Oh, cousin and her dh got together at 19, married at 23ish and are now about 45 and still together.

Statistically, you've got a slightly better chance of a marriage lasting if you marry older, though I also remember reading that's not linear, and your chance of it lasting starts to go down again in your mid thirties. But of course anyone can beat those odds - there are plenty of happily married people who were married years ago at 20, and plenty of people who married in their early thirties and it was a complete disaster.

And my friend from school married a boy she met at 11, started going out with at 16 and they are still together 30 plus years later.

I had a good time during the university years and met my dh in my first post uni grown up job (on the first day), my parents started going out the second year of uni and my mum certainly went out with a few boys before, same story for my cousin and my friends went to separate unis and had a 6 month break but rapidly got back together. My fil spent a couple of years in the merchant navy going all over the world. So all of us had prior experience/did what we wanted to. My pil are very well traveled because it's something they both love. My cousin did a phd then trained to do something completely different in her 40s.

So getting together young doesn't stop you doing anything imo.

It obviously mostly depends on personality and who you marry but it can work well.
I married at 21, we spent ten years married, travelling, having lots of fun, paying off our mortgage so when we were in our early 30s we were in a good position, both in our relationship and knowing each other really well and also financially/housing situation to have kids. 12 years of kids later we are still doing well. There have been ups and downs obviously since having kids but all in all it’s good 😊.
When you marry young your more flexible, ready to adapt to each maybe whereas I’ve noticed when people get married later in life they can be a bit more set in their ways.

I'm afraid I have concluded that marriage is a shackle at any age. I absolutely would not trap myself at such a tender age OP. It will prevent more things than it will allow. People change so, so much. There's just no need for it. Long lasting relationships can still happen if that's what 2 people want. No need to throw away freedom.

I got married at 22 10 years ago, so fairly recently in the grand scheme. Time will tell but so far so good! At the time I had a lot of people assuming we were religious but we had been living together for 3 years already. Felt pretty rebellious to get married so young when everyone thought we were mad and we needed to ‘live’ first 🙄 I’ve done more than most, thanks! And with my fave person too.

Think having DC is far more life changing than marriage.

Think much depends whether you’re bothered about the opportunity to have sex with / date other people.

I very much wanted to marry my then boyfriend at that kind of age, he didn’t feel the same, which was sad for me at the time, but better than staying together/marrying and him cheating.

Agree re the kids. Whilst all of my young marriage examples have kids, all of us were together for a reasonable period first - over 10 years for me and my mate and over 5 for the others.

My parents were 20 and 25 when they married, I've never known a happier couple.

I married a week after my 21st birthday and was divorced by 26. My DSis married at 19 and is still happily married and she's 52 now.

I do think though, if you have to ask for reassurance from strangers then you’re not convinced it’s the right choice for you. So don’t do it. But maybe you’re just asking generally, can’t really tell from your OP.

I know 3 couples that got married at 22 ish in the last 7-10 years - one is still together with 4 children and the other two both split up in fairly acrimonious circumstances within a couple of years. One of them had a £30k wedding. What a waste of money.

I got married a little older than that and whilst I'm happy, I now think it was too young.

I didn't know myself very well then and I had so much more growing and maturing to do during my 20s.
There's stuff I didn't do because we got together so young like going to uni (I couldn't go at 18), moving away from my home town and other things.
I'm lucky that we worked out but it was luck and not thought and judgment.

I do wish we'd waited longer and got to know ourselves and each other better as we wouldn't have had such a tough start to married life if we had.