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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you think 22 is too young to get married?

211 replies

SleepingNWeeping · 10/12/2021 21:32

Do you?

Like the type of marriage that lasts past 45/50 (when I’ve heard other couples start getting divorced).

Is it better to have multiple relationships throughout your life for each stage of your life instead of banking on the same relationship with the same person for 40+ years?

OP posts:
LittleDandelionClock · 10/12/2021 22:28

[quote thaegumathteth]@LittleDandelionClock but you can get married and still a degree and a career and travel . I have. [/quote]
Not if you have children. People will pretend you can, but you can't.

whereisthekey · 10/12/2021 22:29

After 30 I wouldn't even recognise the person I was at 22, so would be far to young for me. I guess if you don't move away from home, travel a lot, progress career a lot etc then you may stay similar enough to make it work. but it absolutely wouldnt have been right for me.

3scape · 10/12/2021 22:30

22 does seem too young. Why not just live together and see how it goes?

HeadPain · 10/12/2021 22:33

No

TruJay · 10/12/2021 22:33

I got married at 20, we’ve just celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary and have been together 14 years. I first briefly met dh when I was 12 and then several other times over the years before we actually got together.
I know it’s not as long as some marriages here but just sharing as it wasn’t the norm amongst our friends at the same age.

Everyone said we were too young, it wouldn’t last, people didn’t want to be at the wedding etc but we knew we wanted to be together.

We’re very happy, we’ve been through a lot in life together and have always tackled things thrown at us as a team. We have two children and are hoping for a third (our children have disabilities and we have some genetic testing hurdles to conquer first, fingers crossed).

I don’t really think age matters, it’s the commitment, effort and communication that makes it work.

Angel2702 · 10/12/2021 22:34

Age isn’t the answer to a long lasting marriage. Just as likely to have a success Marriage at 21 than 31. We were 20 and 21 when we got married. Been together 20 years now and have a very happy marriage.

HeadPain · 10/12/2021 22:34

I don't know which of your buttons means "no"

wonderstuff · 10/12/2021 22:35

@JuicySatsuma85

I see a lot of replies here from people saying they married in their early twenties and have been together now for 20/30/40 years.

The thing is…times have changed so much. Having a stable job and a mortgage by 22 wasn’t difficult 20/30/40 years ago. It’s nearly impossible now! It’s not so much that 22 is too young to get married. It’s just that your focus as a couple should likely be elsewhere.

It is possible to be married and not have a mortgage or a stable job! We rented for a bit, got a mortgage and then the recession hit and we sold up and rented again, dh was made redundant multiple times and it was all quite grim, that was 6 years after we married!

I’ve never got to grips with the whole ducks in a row thing, life can often be unexpectedly messy.

Nannyamc · 10/12/2021 22:36

I married at 21 Dh 23 still very happy 42 yrs on. Met at 17 and 19. Had ups and downs but always solid. 2 ds who are both in very loving relationships. 3 dgc who we adore. Soon to retire and so looking forward to spending our time together.

newtb · 10/12/2021 22:39

Married at 21, DH 28, met 2 years earlier. Left the month after my 40th anniversary.

whoopy1 · 10/12/2021 22:39

I was 19 when I married the love of my life. We were together for nearly 40 years, until he sadly passed away.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 10/12/2021 22:40

Met dh age 19 (he was 21) married at 22 - 3 dc and 4 homes later were 39 and 41 and very happy. He’s my best friend and the man I want to grow old with. Sounds corny but no one else I’d rather share my life with. Dc are growing up and a bit more independent but that doesn’t scare me because I love hanging out just us 2.

Fifthtimelucky · 10/12/2021 22:40

I'd definitely say too young.

My daughter is 22. She and her boyfriend have been together just over 2 years and seem very serious about each other, and are talking about marriage at some point in the future.

I think they are much too young to make that decision yet though and fortunately for me they agree!

expat101 · 10/12/2021 22:42

I think it's not so much about age, but the couple and how much time they have spent together, mutual interests and enjoyment of each other's company. Likewise there are some couples who really should have nipped things in the bud in the early days, but still battle on.

Having said that, if it were our DD, I would strongly encourage her to live with their partner for some time before making fixed plans.

rumblypumbly · 10/12/2021 22:46

We got married when i was 22, dh was 28. We've been married 7 and a half years now. People told us it was too young but we had been together since I was 18 and we had ds1 when I was 21 (planned). We've since had 2 more dc and couldnt be happier. We always say we're glad we met/married young as we will have longer together.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 10/12/2021 22:47

My parents married at 19 and recently celebrated their golden wedding.
I got married at 18, and again at 25, and neither lasted (I’m not planning on doing it again!!)
Ds met his girlfriend on the first day of freshers.. I could see them marrying when they graduate, so around 22, but who knows what the future holds.
It depends on so many factors really.

StubbleTurnips · 10/12/2021 22:48

I did 15 years ago, I look back in a mix of awe / horror at being so young - whoever said marry when you’re confident, young and romantic has it. I’d be too jaded now to get wed again. I wouldn’t change it, still married.

If DD tries to get married at the same age I’ll be having firm words, and it feels very hypocritical, but I’d want her to live more.

Tittyfilarious81 · 10/12/2021 22:49

I don't think it is ,I got married at 22 and still going strong 18 years later .

drpet49 · 10/12/2021 22:49

Yes, too young nowadays.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 10/12/2021 22:50

Dh and I have grown together and supported each other’s aspirations. We have got good careers, dh is supporting me to complete a masters, we have 3 dc and we travel. Dh and I love travel so take dc to various places - dc age 10 and 13 have visited France - Brittany, Vendee, Loire valley, Paris - Italy, Spain, 11 states in America including visits to New York, Chicago, Wisconsin Dells and lakes, Ohio, plus Canada - Vancouver with whale watching and Calgary with a trip through the Rockies.

I’m confused by the poster who said you can’t travel with children… I have 3.

Heartdogs · 10/12/2021 22:51

I think it is too young. What's the rush? If it is right it'll still be right in a couple of years. A lot of people would have had pretty bad lives if they had married the person they were with at 22.

thepeopleversuswork · 10/12/2021 22:51

It would have been far too young for me. And I wouldn’t want it for my daughter.

I’m sure it works for some. But I think it would be quite limiting.

flashy44 · 10/12/2021 22:53

i married at 18 still married 37 years later

GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy · 10/12/2021 22:55

I think you have to do what makes you happy in the moment. I was 32 when I met my DP. He was 20. We've been inseparable for the last 4 years and (I hope!) will be for many more. Can I see the future and know this will last forever? No - but it makes us happy now, and will do for a long time to come. "Forever" isn't always something to aspire to - adapting to new circumstances is a fairly valuable life skill.

22 is very young to get married IMO because of the legal unpicking that would have to take place if it were to fall apart. Is there any reason they want to marry, as opposed to simply be together?

Ragwort · 10/12/2021 22:55

I think it's too young, I did get married at 23 ... and divorced two years later. Married my second DH at 30 and we are still together after 34 years. I would, in all honesty, be disappointed if my DS (now 20) got married at a similar age.