Do you think 22 is too young to get married?

[SleepingNWeeping]

Do you?

Like the type of marriage that lasts past 45/50 (when I’ve heard other couples start getting divorced).

Is it better to have multiple relationships throughout your life for each stage of your life instead of banking on the same relationship with the same person for 40+ years?

I was 20 when we got married and it's been 37 years now. That's 37 happy years. We've had our share of ups and downs, but not in our relationship. We were friends before we dated and are still friends. I think that plays a part in how successful it's been.

So yes, I do think marrying young can work, but picking well, the ability to spot a good one and a fair bit of luck plays a huge part in ultimate success.

Met my DH at 19 (he was 16) got together at 21 (him 18) married at 24 (him 21) still together - 21yrs married.

My parents met at uni, married at 22 still married 56 yrs later

My brother married at 21 been married 25 years

Both my Aunties have been married since their early/mid twenties. Been married 53 and 49 yrs respectively.

Have 3 friends from school who met their husbands at school, married early 20s and are still together.

I think it depends on emotional maturity as to whether you can get through different life stages. Twenties can be quite different to thirties. I feel like I’ve been having a transformation since turning 30 and no longer married.

@JuicySatsuma85

I see a lot of replies here from people saying they married in their early twenties and have been together now for 20/30/40 years.

The thing is…times have changed so much. Having a stable job and a mortgage by 22 wasn’t difficult 20/30/40 years ago. It’s nearly impossible now! It’s not so much that 22 is too young to get married. It’s just that your focus as a couple should likely be elsewhere.

Not necessarily

My DS and his partner met at 15 and are still together in their 30s. They have had some significant challenges job and health wise which they’ve faced as a couple. It’s not been easy for them at all and I’m very proud of the pair of them

I think that you can meet someone young and stay with them for the rest of your life. But I do think 22 is too young to get married. Why rush? You have years to make that commitment to someone. However I say this as someone who is 40, been with my other half 15 years and have no desire to get married so perhaps I am not the best judge.

Yeah, I think 22 is too young. Not something I'd ever want for my children.
Anecdotal evidence should be taken with a grain of salt because long lasting marriages does not always equal healthy. How would one know anyway if they settled before they really knew WHO they were independently 🤷‍♀️

I got married at 19, dh 21. Been married nearly 20 years. I don't regret getting married young and don't feel I've missed out on anything but not sure if I'd want my dcs to get married that young 🤷‍♀️

Yes. I’d be gutted if my DDs did this.

I got married aged 22 and was single again at 24.

Married at 21, still happy 23 years later. Don't feel I've missed out on anything.

Like all relationships it depends on the couple not their ages when getting married. My parents got married at 22 and have been married 44 years.

I'm in Ireland and it would be considered very young here. The most common age is late twenties/early thirties. But a lot of those couples have been together since early twenties, just delayed marriage until education, jobs, houses were sorted.
In my late twenties nearly all of my friends in long term relationships got married or split up.
I think for the ones who split up things were fine floating along day to day but the idea of commiting to forever in a marriage highlighted any cracks in the relationship.
We have divorce a long time now and I know people who've been through it but it is newer and harder here so marriage carries a lot of weight still.
I think like any big decisions you need to be honest with yourself about your gut feeling. Then go with that. There are no guarantees in life so all we have really is instinct and luck.

I got married at just turned 21, and we're still going after 46 years.

In our current era, yes I would personally think it’s too young.

My DD'S friend has been with her fiancé since they were 22, they are getting married next year. It was only held up because of Covid. She has changed jobs, gone on holiday seperately to him and it hasn't held her back in anyway. She doesn't want to shag anyone else.
I regret not doing holidays to Ibiza etc while in my 20's. There's a carefree, high energy vibe that isn't the same during any other decade. So I regret getting heavily involved so young, but times were different in the 80's. These days it's just a matter of not getting tied to someone who doesn't see you as an equal and thinks that you should behave a certain way just because you are a married woman. Societies expectations have changed. You should still be able to be you in a marriage. I would hold off having children and make sure that he wants to fully co-parent and not just have a wife and child to come home to.

I should add that my DD'S friend co-owns the house that they live in. Home ownership is possible here in Liverpool in your early 20's.

It wasn’t in the past but I think it’s too young now for the vast majority because childhood and adolescence has been stretched so much longer.

At 19, the age she married my dad, my mother had been working for 4 years.

When I was 22 I’d lived on my own for 3 years, done a fair bit of independent (very cheap) travel, supported myself with a series of (terribly paid) jobs, and was saving for a house.

Young people are in education longer, live at home more, have first children later. I love my young adult children to bits but they definitely aren’t ready to marry.

Some individuals may be mature enough to make a lifelong commitment, but they’re exceptions.

Beter tomarry the right person at 22 than play the field for the sake of it

I got married just after I turned 23, after 18 months of knowing dh. We've been happily married for almost 20 years now and have three great kids.

Statistics can only tell you about gross trends and outcomes, it won't tell you what each person brings to a particular relationship and whether it will work.

Those who wouldn’t want it for their DDs, I’m curious, why?

I’m so glad that my Dad (lone parent) knew I was engaged before he died. He was so, so happy. He adored my now DH.

In the vast majority of cases, yes. Most people aren't mature enough to build a lasting relationship at that age. I know a handful of people my age (I'm 38) who got married at 19-23 years old and all of them are now divorced.

Youth does show as a factor in divorce but there are too many different factors alongside age to make it more than one risk factor. I've seen many relationships founder at the life changing stages as couples grew apart but others at 30, 40 yrs +. The latter tend to be the DH swanning off with a younger model or the wife deciding that after 40 years of bending to accommodate everyone else they wanted a life back rather than a "bearable" existence.

I was 24 when we married but we had been together since early 20s. We could have waited longer but knew we wanted children and with each other so it made sense.
We had some significant differences in background but both came from life long marriages which had navigated some of life's storms and I think that can help when life throws its curveballs. We have been married for over 30 yrs so far. I'm also a strong advocate of pre marriage counseling for all couples going into such a major commitment.

Our children are all lin settled partnerships but not yet all married. Only time will tell if they (or we) hit future problems.

For some, possibly many people in today's cultures, yeah. I think it only works to marry that young and have it last decades with a large dose of luck, great communication skills, and secure acceptance that you're both going to change and need to find ways to come back to each other repeatedly (similar with maintaining close friendships for decades).

Types of personality also likely play a role - I imagine marriages with people like my spouse who is the most content person I've ever met probably have an easier time that neurotic-types like me.

I don't get how we would frame relationships for 'stages of life' when they can all collide together. I mean I had the 'small children' and 'caring for ill relatives and dealing with them dying' and 'losing my career dreams to disability' stages at the time. I call those the hell years. That plus the factors for finding new relationships and building back up, that idea doesn't make sense to me.

I don't think serial monogamy is 'better'. I think it is better for some and for others it's just how life works out. The idea there is one ideal romantic relationship type that everyone should do doesn't match with how complicated life often is before getting to how different we are and how society is structured with certain expectations around our personal relationships, romantic and platonic.

I think it's possibly better for some to have 'stages of life' with monogamy and other times with polyamory or other non-monogamous relationship types (or even just affectionate friendships) when it's done mindfully and mutually enjoyed rather than trying to fix a monogamous relationship coming apart as it tends to just delay the inevitable while causing more pain, but I don't think at this time we've much of a cultural framework for that as we have for serial monogamy or marriages with affairs both known and unknown going on.

Honestly I just don't know! I got divorced at married at 20 and divorced at 23. My partner got married early 30s and divorced at 44.

I don't think it really matters about age, can either end up divorced or happily ever after anyway.

I was married at 22. We’d been together since I was 18 and had 2 kids by then (one more since)
It’s been 15 years and still going strong, no plans for divorce although we do annoy each other a lot