Thanks so much for the replies.
I’ve ordered the book ‘Fair Play’ so can listen to that on my commute.
I’ll try and answer the questions.
He probably totals a full working day each week but it’s scattered. Sometimes two days worth. He is appointment based so it depends when people book in. Fewer people where we live now so he’s less busy. I work part time too but more hours. 3 days plus commute once a week (3 hours driving). I find my job exhausting so can’t cope with more. It’s enough financially to cover everything including treats. It’s a more stable income than his so I need to keep it.
He’s not lazy. Just not efficient or organised. He doesn’t engage fully in the tasks. We have had long discussions and are currently trialling TOMM method of cleaning and that is helping. He’s getting better. He understands about the mental load but then sometimes retracts that. TOMM helps a lot. I know if I see an unclean area of the house that it will get done on a certain day so I don’t have to hold it in mind. It’s eased a lot of the mental load of keeping the house in a reasonable state.
He probably does more cooking on the whole but other house keeping is now a bit more equal. We do half each childcare each week. Weekends are whatever is happening. So it’s a fairly even split. I feel like we are very close to how it needs to be.
It’s the remembering things and planning things he doesn’t do. If I remind him about Xmas jumper he’ll do Xmas jumper. He sometimes remembers but as soon as I’m not on it, things get missed.
A meeting once a week to plan is a great idea. I’ll try and subtlety do that - he won’t want a formal thing. I like the idea of a blackboard too. We did have a board with post it notes on it with different tasks but that didn’t work so well. I think a weekly ‘to do’ based on a discussion will be better.
To the ‘don’t micromanage’ poster. In what way am I micromanaging? I didn’t do anything. Just heard that he’d missed these things, (had left it to him to check the info from the school). I felt sad - but we were in company so I held back -and then posted here to vent and validate (or be challenged) before deciding what to do.
I’ve contacted the school but they can’t/won’t reorder. They say the company won’t accept orders directly. DH has said DS wasn’t bothered but he’s good at hiding his feelings so I can’t be sure as I wasn’t there. DH said that he apologised.
I probably feel more sad about it on behalf of my DS than DS does himself to be fair. I feel really sad that he put effort in for nothing and that the other kids got theirs and he didn’t. I can’t seem to shake it off. I want to cry.
I’ll try not to just take it on though. I know my days and I’ll keep on top of those and try and suggest a system for weekly planning.
I’m trying not to take it out on DH. I think if he looked sad about it I’d feel better.