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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone else have a cat who fails at being a cat?

167 replies

RocketPanda · 09/12/2021 09:26

Moggy managed to catch a cooled hot water bottle drag it to the top of the stairs and subsequently fell down whilst still holding onto it. Did not let go, did not fall on his feet. Had surgery yesterday and all going fine. Its not the first time he's done himself a mischief because he cannot cat properly. He was cleaning himself whilst sitting on the patio furniture, toppled and broke his tail last year. If he sees a mouse he just meows wistfully at it.

OP posts:
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Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 09/12/2021 09:28

Have you kept the receipt??
Grin
Faulty imo.
You need to get another incase it is your dcat slaving skills. Best test out on a new dcat...

FatCatThinCat · 09/12/2021 09:32

One of mine is a bit useless when it comes to being a cat. He keeps trying to chase birds on the roof of the care home across the road. This always seems to end up in him falling off the roof and frequently ending up in a disused courtyard inside the care home, which he can't get out of. First time he was in there for 10 days before he was spotted. Second time 5 days, because he wouldn't be so stupid to make the same mistake twice right? Now we go over and ask for him back as soon as he misses his dinner. Idiot cat.

Original poster
RocketPanda · 09/12/2021 09:41

I think I may need to send him to the scrap yard @Santahatesbraisedcabbage he wandered in and just sort of adopted us.

Oh mine does silly things like that too @FatCatThinCat . Climbs into the barn and then howls to get out every bloody day.

OP posts:
BiscuitBean · 09/12/2021 09:42

Yeah, one of mine fails at cat life on a pretty regular basis. He’s got next to no balance or co-ordination skills and is terrified of mice. I regularly catch the other cat just watching with him with a mixture of disdain and pity. Bless him, he does give good cuddles though 😊

tcjotm · 09/12/2021 09:44

I’m proud of the maturity he is displaying in not chasing the mouse.

A bit of FOMO never required surgery 😂😂

wtaf37 · 09/12/2021 09:51

Grin Grin

Original poster
RocketPanda · 09/12/2021 09:51

He doesn't know what to do with them, it's like he thinks they are really small cats. I live in the countryside and he is definitely not cut out for this life. He doesn't even cuddle. He doesn't sleep curled up in his basket like the other cat, oh no he sort of hangs half out with his gob wide open like he's dead.

OP posts:
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 09/12/2021 09:58

Part Sid the Sloth then?

tcjotm · 09/12/2021 10:00

He sounds very cute. Though a bit of a money pit, the poor dear.

Poppins2016 · 09/12/2021 10:04

Until recently, my youngest (age 4) only caught insects. Amazingly, if he catches a butterfly or moth he's so gentle that they're able to fly away again 90% of the time. Same with mice - he doesn't seem to have any killer instinct!

The same cat also thinks he's a dog - he comes when called - actually has much better recall than some dogs I've met. 😁

MsJinks · 09/12/2021 10:07

I had a very odd cat visit our house - he’d get on the top of a door every time and then be stuck - he was lovely though he drooled a lot. However, I spoke with his owners who were worrying about him eating normal cat food, as he’d had a big operation due to some bastards footballing him, I then assumed he’d got a little special after this awful incident, though there are many special cats and I hope nothing dire happened to them.
My own last cat came to us age about 6 and defo thought he was a dog, he was surprised by any bird near him, never jumped on anything higher than the sofa and couldn’t get off my garden - biggest heart ever and still miss him.

goose1964 · 09/12/2021 10:07

One of my late cats, he fell out of a tree when he was about 6 months old and broke both his hips, he recovered but always had thin hair on his back and hind legs,he also couldn't retract his class or meow but he loved me more than my one else a s when he was on cage rest for his hip he waited for me to come home from a night out before he'd poo, th look of relief on his face was adorable

mbosnz · 09/12/2021 10:11

Mine seems to have a very odd idea about what she should be eating.

I've had her haul off a pack of baby corn to her lair up the stairs, a packet of mangetout, and, most bizarrely, and several times - a packet of gluten free bread. Always the gluten free. Never the normal bread. . .

ThatWriterInTheCorner · 09/12/2021 10:15

My old-lady cat is (and always has been) such an utter failure at catting that my young cat has decided it's her job to teach her step-sister to hunt. Once, she brought in a live mouse and let it go, so old-lady cat could catch it and build her skills. The mouse, in a moment of panic and confusion, ran straight into old-lady-cat's paws. Old-lady-cat picked it up in her mouth and held it for a moment, quite visibly thinking, "Now what?" After holding the mouse for a minute, she then put it down again. The mouse then ran off, unharmed.

It was subsequently caught in a glass by me and put back out to live its life in the garden, while Young-and-eager cat watched in absolute disbelief that neither I, nor Old-lady cat, was going to behave properly and kill it. Old-lady cat has still never killed anything. She is completely hopeless at catting, and a very gentle soul, and we love her.

ParrotsAteThemAll · 09/12/2021 10:16

I hope your cat is ok, it did make me giggle though.

My big boy is a huge floppy useless softie! Never caught anything in the 10 years he’s lived with me, when walking down the garden past the bird table he runs in a slightly scared way! The birds have cottoned on he’s no threat so just carry on and I swear laugh and mock him.

I have a couple of visiting local cats, when they come in the house to eat his food he just sits and watches them! The other night there was a big row going on between these 2 cats in my kitchen, my cat just blearily looked at me like he was asking ‘please go and sort them out for me’.

What’s funny is he used to be a stray street cat in a hell of a state when I took him in, I’m not sure how he survived those first few years before he found this sucker Grin

MabelsApron · 09/12/2021 10:26

I am loving all of the cat fail stories.

I have two. One of them I always say was created on an alien planet with the purpose of spying on humans, only they didn't know what a cat really was and he's the best facsimile they could come up with. He frequently stands on his hind legs on the windowsill, and just stares for minutes on end.

My other veers wildly on the hunting spectrum - she started by bringing in flowers and bits of rubbish, and then suddenly escalated to a live magpie. Twice. She's never killed anything, though. Just brings it in and then expects me to cook it up for her.

rainyskylight · 09/12/2021 10:27

Our cat has started peeing in the loo. So rude he doesn’t flush or wash his paws though.

Original poster
RocketPanda · 09/12/2021 10:37

Luckily he's insured since before we realised he's a bit dim @tcjotm

He also digs the concrete path and then poos on it and does the motion to cover it. I'm glad to hear he's not the only cat failure out there.

OP posts:
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 09/12/2021 10:44

Find the dcat people...

Does anyone else have a cat who fails at being a cat?
MamDancer · 09/12/2021 10:46

@RocketPanda

He doesn't know what to do with them, it's like he thinks they are really small cats. I live in the countryside and he is definitely not cut out for this life. He doesn't even cuddle. He doesn't sleep curled up in his basket like the other cat, oh no he sort of hangs half out with his gob wide open like he's dead.
I demand a pic of the open-gobbed sleeping catfail Grin
TheLovelinessOfBaublyDemons · 09/12/2021 10:48

@RocketPanda

I think I may need to send him to the scrap yard *@Santahatesbraisedcabbage* he wandered in and just sort of adopted us.

Oh mine does silly things like that too @FatCatThinCat . Climbs into the barn and then howls to get out every bloody day.

DGPs' cat was very old when they fitted a catflap in the garage door. She could get in but couldn't get out. The first time she was in there for 3 days before they realised.
Prettyplac3 · 09/12/2021 10:50

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage

Find the dcat people...
I see no cat....clue?
TheLovelinessOfBaublyDemons · 09/12/2021 10:54

I have to stop reading this, I'm getting funny looks in the café. Xmas Blush

TheLovelinessOfBaublyDemons · 09/12/2021 10:56

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage

Find the dcat people...
Top righthand shelf?
Shmithecat2 · 09/12/2021 10:56

Yes, my boy cat - the cat who can't cat. He's absolutely useless. Falls off things. Frequently fails to land jumps much smaller cats would land. Doesn't STFU, EVER. He's 8yo now and is a seemingly healthy cat, however I'm convinced he was dropped on his head as a kitten (he does have a weird, flat shaped head 😬), or possibly some mild congenital neurological issues - he was a feral kitten, so the likelihood of being passed down a virus from his mother inutero is quite possible. He does eat, sleep, run and generally enjoy life though, so I'm not too worried about him. He's just a bit of a wally.