Does anyone else have a cat who fails at being a cat?

[RocketPanda]

Moggy managed to catch a cooled hot water bottle drag it to the top of the stairs and subsequently fell down whilst still holding onto it. Did not let go, did not fall on his feet. Had surgery yesterday and all going fine. Its not the first time he's done himself a mischief because he cannot cat properly. He was cleaning himself whilst sitting on the patio furniture, toppled and broke his tail last year. If he sees a mouse he just meows wistfully at it.

Dd is au pairing, they have an adorable blue shorthair who is one clog short of a pair. They have french windows into a courtyard and at great expense had a cat door installed. He sits and scratches at the window inches from the door.

I have a British shorthair who regularly lands on her face instead of her feet. If she's had a long sleep the front half of her wakes up before the back but she'll jump down using her front legs. Also tends to land on her face when startled and escaping. The vets have checked her out and there's no reason for it. Cost a fortune to give them all a good laugh.

We have GingerEejitt. Who seems to have a split personality, inside the house he has to announce where he is at top volume, if he comes in to a room he has to yell at you - also he makes a weird whistling meow noise, if im on the laptop he has to have his face/backside/any part of his anatomy in my face, he chases shoelaces and ONLY shoelaces, cant remember where his dinner is served (same place every day), likes to yell at the weather from the inside of the house. He invited himself to a neighbours bonfire night BBQ and had to be escorted home before they started fireworks and apparently the kids were playing 'what will the cat eat' (answer to that is anything offered)

HOWEVER - if he is outside he becomes a pyscho serial killer. He started with worms and we are currently up to seagulls. He likes to leave the victims arranged in the lounge on a rug. He has been asked to stop leaving them in the house.

We had a cat who definitely had ideas above his station. Of an evening he’d often pop up to the local pub to put in an appearance. If anyone decided to walk the dog he’d sneak out and follow until about halfway through when he’d either get lost or cry until one of us picked him up (not easy) and carried him home.

On days when he was feeling like a squirrel he’d race up a tree forgetting he’d not mastered coming down again. On days he was dissatisfied with the service he’d select a lucky household in the general vicinity and stroll in to reside with them for a while.

I think these days we might say he had additional needs.

My cat thinks she is a dog or a small child. She comes when called, and loves to go on walks with us. If she gets a bit tired on the walk, she puts up her front paws and asks to be picked up like a toddler. She also opens all of the kitchen cupboards. She especially likes to get in the one where the tins are kept. If there's not enough room to get in, she chucks out some of the tins to make a space for herself! She likes to drink out of the kitchen tap, and bashes it to make it drip.

I dont have a cat so much as a grumpy old man manifesting as a cat 😆

I’ve had to do movie night for mine tonight to stop them climbing the Xmas tree. One of them particularly was showing off.They all line up on the back of the sofa with a few Dreamies during the “interval” and watch mice / bird videos or the string videos on YouTube. It’s like having to deal with naughty toddlers.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

DCat has taught herself a new trick, if I'm not looking at her she jumps up and pats my hand, this was cute the first 50 times and the reward was my instant attention but now its wearing thin and she has decided if I don't respond she will bite me and run away. Anyone know a good cat therapist?

Ah one of ours does this but she also doesn't know how to retract her claws, so it's a little scratchy stroke every time.

This one is also pretty useless at being a cat
To start with, he's not actually my cat...

Came down early one morning after hearing noises to find the cats had turned the telly on and were avidly watching Peppa Pig. When caught they had the guilty "oops busted" demeanour of a teenager doing what teenagers do.

I could write a book about how atrocious my cats are
I have 3, and they are literally the worst cats in existence.
They eat any and everything. Plastic ? Chomp! Christmas wrapping string until I puke? Chomp! Dangerous looking plants previously unknown to owner to be toxic? Delicious salad
Unattended human food on a plate or still in the frying pan. What’s a singed whisker when there’s tikka masala being cooked? Bacon on the George foreman? I will still, every single time, trap my head and chin in the burning hot plates to lick the remains.
Am I white and refuse sun cream in a fight to the death but still lit directly in the sunlight ,even if I’m lying in dry mud? Yes
Break into food cupboards and eat all food stuffs humans and cat? I wait for the one minute that the child ( cat) lock is not on the fridge or cupboards.
Puke it all up , eat others puke. Extra points of you run from the the other room when your hear your brother puke so you can eat it. ( off the rug of course , not the floor)
Washing machine or dryer is an excellent place for a nap
All while falling about, tripping in water, scaling and falling , trying to kill each other themselves and me.
One fell in the recycling bin and I watched him claw out of the little brushed hatch to escape.
One likes to get directly INTO the shower with me ( not a Bengal)
One got lost and “hid” under a car in the pouring rain but IN the torrential drain bit!?
One brings the baby’s socks every night as a gift at 12am but doesn’t appear to want anything other than to drag washing off the line?
And they bite everyone and they go through everyone bags for food.
I’m surprised they’re not dead. Every mad thing they do i say “ this is it. This is the one that’ll finished X off “ but no. They remain. Insane.
#9lives

My male cat just tried to walk through a mirror

I dont have a cat so much as a grumpy old man manifesting as a cat

A previous cat of mine went straight from "Sulky Teenager" to "Cranky Old Woman". almost overnight. She would loudly give out about everything in a "And what time do you call this eh?" manner when I was slightly late getting home from work. Mind you she was 100% cat as she was a skilled hunter and liked nothing more than skipping across the rooftops.

Her replacement was definitely deficient in the cat stakes though. He couldn't climb anything higher than 3 feet or so and made more noise than me when walking about the house.

He was an indoor cat so never bothered about hunting but playing with a toy mouse showed he had the, err, unusual technique, of landing his 6 kg weight on top of it. Which is one way to do it I suppose.

He would get his claws stuck in the throw on the chair and then sort of snuffle and huff until I unhooked them for him. He also preferred it if I did his grooming for him as looking after his acres of floof was too much for him.

My cat insists on joining me in the shower, mews pitifully if I don't open the door for her.

Cats are supposed to hate water?!?

My cat climbed into a cardboard box left at the top of the stairs which tipped over and box/cat slid all the way to the bottom.

She also frequently opens and eats mushrooms out food waste bin 🤷🏼‍♀️

Every single post is one more reason why cats are awesome.

My Mum and Dad's NDN had cats. The one could get herself from the back to the front but not in reverse. She would sit at NDN door purring to get in, if no response she would go to Mum and Dad's door and try there instead. They would feed the cats if NDN was away, again if Dad was late* going to put the food out the cat would be sat on the front step.

*Obviously by late any time after that at which the cat deemed it to be so.

Every single post is one more reason why cats are awesome.

I was enjoying wfh yday and had the radio on (I like ken Bruce on radio 2 but had sadly left it on radio 2 for the crap presenters that follow him) Steve Wright was talking about how intelligent dogs were and then tried to insinuate that cats were not as intelligent
Thankfully his co presenter corrected him!!

My cats are ace. We had them as kittens when we already had two dogs so they think they’re dogs. When I go for a walk all 4 of them come with me. They can tell the time. Today 1 cat and 1 dog came to find me at 5pm to tell me it was teatime. When I went into the kitchen other cat and dog were sitting waiting too.

My mum and dad’s old cat was hilarious, next door had a huge black ex police Alsatian and she used to climb onto his back and he would wander around with her. She was also fanatical about chicken. If you cooked one in the oven she would sit and howl until it was cooked. Unfortunately she did that at the neighbours houses too, just let herself in and howled. And they all loved her!

These posts are brilliant.

When I was a teenager, our cats used to hold protest meetings, in the middle of the drive, if we were away for too long.

My parents never put in a cat flap, so if we were out for the day, the cats had to be outside (not something I would do - but no-one argues with my mum). We lived down a track from the road, and somehow, whenever we got home, one, or other or both of the cats would be sitting in the middle of the drive, refusing to move, so we had to get out and carry them down to the house, so dad could drive the car down.

When I was pregnant, our two cats decided I couldn’t be trusted to go to the loo on my own - they’d follow me up, and come into the bathroom with me, and sit opposite the loo, watching me carefully, then escort me downstairs again.

If I ever managed to get upstairs without them noticing, they’d panic and dash upstairs - you could almost hear them bickering about whose job it had been to keep an eye on me!

When I had ds2 and ds3, they clearly decided I had proved myself trustworthy with ds1, and I was allowed to go to the bathroom on my own!

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

Love those stories.

Our cat fails to use the cat flap, definitely beneath her, doesn't bother with birds etc (good thing) won't go out if it's dark or raining, and does a good impression of a cushion

We have an elderly Siamese cat who I call 'nana cat' after Nana the dog In Peter Pan.

She's social and nosey. She 'supervises' anything that's different. Sitting next to workmen whist they do their job. She would sit in the bathroom when the children were in the bath as little ones, and she'd follow me around the bedrooms to wake them all for school.

But she's more dog than cat. She's never once managed to hunt or kill anything apart from a spider that fell into her mouth when she was looking up at it!
She won't even meow for food if she's hungry, she sits next to her bowl and smiles with her eyes and rocks a little whilst purring.

Oh yes, I have a supervisor cat too! Watches us cook, hang out washing, mow the lawn, hoover etc. Have a picture of him sitting in the front seat of a fully loaded car which is just about to take DS to university for the first time. He definitely thought he was going too. He also likes to play 'stone angels' and every time you look back at him, he's moved a little bit closer…

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius that reminds me of a previous cat who only ever sat on my lap when I was pregnant. The second time he did it, he started before I knew I was pregnant (had been TTC for a while). A mixture of spooky and comforting