Does anyone else have a cat who fails at being a cat?

[RocketPanda]

Moggy managed to catch a cooled hot water bottle drag it to the top of the stairs and subsequently fell down whilst still holding onto it. Did not let go, did not fall on his feet. Had surgery yesterday and all going fine. Its not the first time he's done himself a mischief because he cannot cat properly. He was cleaning himself whilst sitting on the patio furniture, toppled and broke his tail last year. If he sees a mouse he just meows wistfully at it.

Oh, one of ours is terrible.

Won't eat unless you sit next to him, absolutely loves rain (have found him rolling joyfully on a pavement full of puddles), hates Dreamies, goes for a wee in the bath if you're also having a wee at the same time (he's fine, just weird), and will fetch and sing on command. He's like a very strange dog.

I love this thread! I might just have to convert to cats at some point...

@LavenderAskew

Oh my cat gets bullied by magpies too. Well they follow him around being noisy.

You know when he's gone outside because the magpies start their magpies noise which fades as Cat moves away from the house. Equally, know he's on the way back because the magpie sound starts to increase as he gets closer.

It must be like a really bad case of tinnitus for him the whole time he's outside.

Ah yes, one of ours has been being bullied by a particular magpie (it has a ragged wing, we call him Raggedy Mags haha) for about a year - it swoops towards him when he's in the garden chattering, and our poor stupid boy goes to hide in the shed.

Mine has a fused vertibrae in her neck, vets believe it’s likely she broke her neck at some stage (she was abandoned as a kitten so good knows). So she can’t jump properly, she frequently falls off things, the only thing she’s ever caught is a moth and she couldn’t even kill it. She shits in the bath and pees in the toilet. She isn’t even particularly friendly and I don’t like cats.

Occasionally though I’ll wake up and she’s curled up next to me as little spoon and somehow that makes it all tolerable

My cat tried once to jump from the back of the sofa to the table, but instead just smashed face-first into the side of the table. A few days later when my sister was visiting I was telling the story and the cat did it AGAIN as if to demonstrate! Both times she fell to the floor with such drama that I thought she was dead.

She really did not get the instruction manual on “How to Cat”. She’s the dumbest cat alive. She’s an indoor cat and rubs up against the window when the neighbour’s cat is in our garden, despite the fact that the cat wants to murder her and hisses and spits outside the window. My cat thinks they’re best friends.

I once watched as fluffy girl cat majestically bounded across the garden, leapt into the air to clear the little (40cm) fence, and face planted straight into it. Shook herself off, looked around to check if anyone saw, then slowly walked away...

And boy cat is able to catch mice, but doesn't know what to do with them past that, so he just brings them in the house, where I have to catch them and put them outside again.....

My late lamented old lady cat came from the RSPCA - clearly lost her mother before she’d completed the full training course, no idea how to be a cat. Very beautiful, but clueless

Pigeons started coming to our balcony so I started leaving the balcony door open thinking our cat would scare them off.

They kept coming, cat would look at them through the open door but never venture out. Pigeons completely un-phased

One day I came into the living room and the cat was sitting out on the balcony, with the pigeons

Just spat out my tea @RocketPanda😂😂😂

My old cat (passed away this year at 16) refused to use the litter tray and would pee directly down the plug hole :) her reasoning was 'humans pee in this room so will I'

DCat has taught herself a new trick, if I'm not looking at her she jumps up and pats my hand, this was cute the first 50 times and the reward was my instant attention but now its wearing thin and she has decided if I don't respond she will bite me and run away.
Anyone know a good cat therapist?

Years ago I had a broken cat. She really was the cat equivalent of Fotherington-Thomas and wandered round in a little world of her own in a 'hello trees, hello sky' way. Frequently she walked into a room and had forgotten what she was coming in for and would just stand there.
The one and only time she killed something it was by staring at a spider until it fell off the wall

People say if you have mice, get a cat.
We have 2 cats.
We didn't have (or maybe didn't notice) mice until we got the cats.
They catch them, play with them and then lose interest. Set the mouse free and let it have free rein of the bloody house.
They catch and kill birds though little buggers which are in no way a nuisance or causing problems!

We have a brother and sister cat. The girl is the epitomy of catiness, she hunts, she is elegant and can climb, she looks sleek and aloof.

Her brother, who she disdains with all her might, is a bit gormless, clumsy, can't jump without flailing and a rubbish hunter. He tried to bring in his sister's rat kill and claim it as his own. But since he was only out the house for 5 minutes and rigor mortis had set in, we weren't convinced. He is a sweetheart though and best at purring

I won't be posting a picture because I can't be 100% sure I haven't posted them elsewhere. I post on the feminism board and unfortunately people have been doxxed by collecting information posted on MN.

I'm glad my uncatting cat has other equally dim-witted comrades though

This is such a great thread.

I used to have a cat who, despite being a stray living on the mean streets of sarf Lundunn, could not hunt. He tried to catch butterflies rather than mice, of which we had nests upon nests. He also ran at birds full tilt from a distance of about 30 metres and was always surprised when they flew away before he could get anywhere near them. But he was a cutie pie.

I watched my old cat be chased across the garden by a mouse once. That was quite amusing!

He was also useless at climbing, never landed on his feet and used to run to the front door when the doorbell rang. I'm fairly certain he thought he was a dog!

One of mine routinely forgets how to use the cat flap. If he's inside he tried to get out through the door without a cat flap; if he's outside he just sits there meowing. It's the same cat flap we have had since we got him. He's 12.

His sister has no such difficulties, she just pushes past him and lets herself out

I had a Maine Coon who couldn't cat at all. Instead of playing with a piece of string, he would get it into his mouth and just clamp down on it. He could sit like that for half an hour, obviously thinking this was what cats do.

He also thought the cat flap was a tiny window and was freaked out and scandalised on a daily basis when our other cat used it as a door.

Thinking about it, I'm pretty sure he thought he was a human child. He was so heartbroken at not getting to go to school with his chosen child and would wail all day until he returned. It was very intense.

One of my cats used to sleep so hard, she'd fall off the bannister. None of this turning in mid-air and landing on all fours for her, oh no. She full on face plants and has knocked out her front teeth because of it.

Another one is convinced he is a dog and wants to play fetch all day long. I don't have the patience.

The white one walks round all day crying for the others until he finds them. Then he leaves the room, forgets he just saw them, and the cycle begins again. I think he's actually looking for his marbles.

My Pigeon (RIP) was born on a local rubbish dump and we think there was some kind of in-breeding involved as she was...special. She couldn't/didn't talk, had to spend a good few minutes psyching herself up before she'd jump, and used her paws more as hands to pick things off plates. She also would do anything for fried egg, especially the yolk, but her real favourite thing was plastic. She couldn't get enough of it. Other cats had Dreamies, she just wanted to eat the packaging.

Oh bless your daft moggy. My British Shorthair is a sight to behold trying to climb the garden fence. He's never going to catch a bird or a mouse but he did once get hold of a moth which was on the floor half dead anyway. I do wonder if he thinks he's a dog sometimes, he has grace and he is very attached to his people.

NO grace that should say! x