Does anyone else have a cat who fails at being a cat?

[RocketPanda]

Moggy managed to catch a cooled hot water bottle drag it to the top of the stairs and subsequently fell down whilst still holding onto it. Did not let go, did not fall on his feet. Had surgery yesterday and all going fine. Its not the first time he's done himself a mischief because he cannot cat properly. He was cleaning himself whilst sitting on the patio furniture, toppled and broke his tail last year. If he sees a mouse he just meows wistfully at it.

Mine likes to get under the duvet like my dog does.

And, she doesn't mind being pulled in for a cuddle. All other cats I've known have only wanted to be touched on their terms.

A friend had a cat who would check the time, presumably by his own internal clock, and would set off down the road to meet his owner coming home from work. He would escort owner all the way home, chatting about what he'd been up to all day (trying to eat bananas, mostly).

My own cat wouldn't dream of such a thing but if you are on the sofa with your hand dangling over the sofa arm, she will high five you as she goes past.

She's a terribly efficient hunter but we won't let her bring prey indoors so she's taken to trying to hide mice in her mouth (we only fell for that trick once) and knock on the door with her paw as she couldn't miaow.

Her purr is broken, so she makes a whiffly noise with her nose instead. It's tragic.

Our car has kindly allocated specific job roles to all her staff. She will sit on my sons lap, but not by him and he is not allowed to pick her up. She will sit on and by my wife, but she is not allowed to pick her up.

Me? I’m food and entertainments officer. Many times a day I suddenly realise she is sat looking adoringly up at me, and then it’s a guessing game. If I follow her and she heads to the kitchen she wants food, if she heads to the stairs she wants me to sit next to her on the bed so I can provide cuddles. My reward for this is that I’m allowed to pick her up, but she will not sit on or by me

@TheMoreThisReachesTheMainstrea

Thats so funny.
We have a very shy and unsociable cat. She sits with no one. And no one at all is allowed to stroke her. In public.
However she is friendly and does lots of head nudging to DD but only on DDs bed and definitely not if anyone else (including the other cat) is present. DD videos it on her phone but I think the cat would be appalled if she knew her cover was blown!

We have a perfect cat.

She Sleeps in the warmest spot all day, typically by the open fire in winter, or the cosiest armchair and hates the rain. Is a perfectly competent mouser if she can be bothered, which is rare.

Greets us in the morning with a two syllable sound that is a decent attempt at "Hello".

Looks with distain at big dog for fetching stuff and walking around with DH's slipper in his mouth.

Gives great cuddles, but only on her terms.

She's a beagle.

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage

Find the dcat people...

Bottom left shelf

My cat knows that 5.30 is get up for work time but has no understanding of the concept of a weekend.

She'll run all over the bed at six on the weekend in case we've overslept.

Under the TV.

My girls are indoors only so use a litter box. One of them does the normal cat thing of digging a hole to poop but digs the hole for her front paws to stand in which means she ends up going 'uphill'.

The other one loves to sleep in my car so I often leave the passenger window down, I don't know how many times I've heard a bang it I've forgotten. She's tried to jump through the window with it shut.

I always say between the two of them they almost make one normal cat.

another gormless cat here. she just sniffs at the mice caught in traps in our garden and walks away. chases after birds and almost pulls up when close to them as not sure what to do next. "barks" at anyone at the door too.
strange but we love her

I do adore how chatty and affectionate our cat is. We have whole conversations with him, in a mix of human and miaows. And he lies on me and strokes my face with his most gentle paw.

I'd love to know what breeds some of these cats are.

With so much doom and gloom around this thread is a real tonic. Thank you !

@RalphLaurenG

My cat insists on joining me in the shower, mews pitifully if I don't open the door for her.

Cats are supposed to hate water?!?

I had one who loved water, we had to be careful about leaving the laundry sink unattended when it had clothes in it soaking in water as he would get in!

He also hopped in the bath with me once!

@Meadowlands

With so much doom and gloom around this thread is a real tonic. Thank you !

I agree! The cat threads are always the best.

My cat insists on joining me in the shower, mews pitifully if I don't open the door for her.

I had a cat once who sat in the bath looking pissed off.

He had climbed in himself, obviously.

My cat is currently sat eating the Christmas tree.......the artificial one 🤦🏻‍♀️

Mine gets the concept of hunting things and catching them;once he catches them he has no idea what to do with them hence the reason I've had to catch an assortment of terrified/peeved off small creatures/insects in my house and release them back outside after he's brought them home as his new friends.

The worst was a very pissed off magpie under my table;those things are vicious;he/she didn't appreciate being carried in by my idiotic cat.

So our girl cat is in the dogbox today. She brought a live bird into the house at about 4.00am and in the scramble to catch it and release it, my DH has dislocated a toe. Meanwhile, she is sulking because we took her 'toy' off her

I have 2 cats both rescues.

Phoebe is a typical lazy cat who finds the warmest spot and won't move. She only went hunting once and returned with 7 mouldy pears from the tree in the garden.

Hartley is a super-hunter. Athletic and a vicious killer but hampered by severe clumsiness. Hit by a car twice, fallen and ripped his entire leg, snapped his claws off. He costs me a fortune. But, he is so loving and sleeps under a duvet, fusses for hours, dribbles with excitement and sucks his own tail for comfort.

Both cats knew I was pregnant before I did and wouldn't leave me alone!

@Stoneliz

My Xmas tree eating cat is also a pregnancy detector 😂 - he started to hump me literally every second he got - the horny little devil wouldn't leave me alone - I was actually waiting to start IVF so rather embarrassingly took him to the vets to check in case his nueuturing had reversed itself (I know I know looking back now I'm mortified!) the Vet laughed and sent me home to take a pregnancy test 🤦🏻‍♀️

Last year I was pregnant with twins so the horny little bastard went into overdrive - he enjoyed the 9 months more than I did at least! 😂

My little Miss M never got the 'cats catch birds/mice/etc' memo. So she brings us bread that the neighbours throw out for the birds.
Today's offering was a stale bagel. She was so proud.

When I was at university my flatmate had a cat. She'd come and cry at you until you walked her to her bowl and pointed at the food.

She also loved to snuggle on your knee if you were watching television, but half the time couldn't work out how to get up on the sofa to you. She'd put her paws against your shins and look sad, but wouldn't actually jump. If you tried to pick her up to put her next to you she'd instantly spit and stick her legs straight out.

Our cat is scared of the birds in the garden. Crouches down so they 'cant see' her. Well they've just learnt that she is zero threat. And she can't climb. So stats safe in the garden. Embarrassingly crap at catting! But very lovely to cuddle