Does anyone else have a cat who fails at being a cat?

[RocketPanda]

Moggy managed to catch a cooled hot water bottle drag it to the top of the stairs and subsequently fell down whilst still holding onto it. Did not let go, did not fall on his feet. Had surgery yesterday and all going fine. Its not the first time he's done himself a mischief because he cannot cat properly. He was cleaning himself whilst sitting on the patio furniture, toppled and broke his tail last year. If he sees a mouse he just meows wistfully at it.

Shelf underneath the telly - black cat

Pic of aforementioned idiot cat

Maybe she could learn from my sons dog, who thinks she is a cat, SHE decides who is good enough to pet her and when, she is a fab mouser, and spends most of the day preening and sleeping and giving you dirty looks if you dare disturb her and ....God forbid expect her to walk in the rain!!!
She is a chowchow and they are renowned for being catlike.

Hidden cat behind red table?

I'm loving these non cat stories! I have a glorious old lady who can't cat and never could, but she is the cuddliest thing ever and we love her so much.

Under the TV was correct!!

Wish I had this many!

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage

Find the dcat people...

Oh, I've seen this before. Found the cat, now I can't flipping remember where!!

Does he have ragdoll genes? If so it will affect his reflexes so you'll have to keep him safe, and you might want the vet to check his heart as they can inherit a disorder.

Mine gets bullied by the magpies who've cottoned on she's too terrified to do anything.

Has fallen down the stairs at least 3 times.

Indoor cat, but is allowed outside (supervised!), saw another cat, followed it for 10 metres and then was terrified she couldn't come back home. Despite two people calling her back and the door being open with me in front of it. She then managed to get to our next-door neighbour's house and pawing desperately at it.

I have a cat that can't cat. She was hand reared and subsequently has absolutely no idea how to behave. She doesn't jump, she talks ALL THE TIME and fetches socks.
She once spent a few hours in the garden (that she can't get out of) shouting at birds and couldn't understand why they flew away.
We think she's a Russian spy and the dumbness is an act to lure us into a false sense of security. It's worked for 5 years so far.

I read “find the cat” in a London Underground “mind the gap” voice, which didn’t help me at all.

Mine goes to the toilet in MY garden ! Our house is surrounded by fields ! Arghhhhhh

Oh my cat gets bullied by magpies too. Well they follow him around being noisy.

You know when he's gone outside because the magpies start their magpies noise which fades as Cat moves away from the house. Equally, know he's on the way back because the magpie sound starts to increase as he gets closer.

It must be like a really bad case of tinnitus for him the whole time he's outside.

Mine got stuck in the radiator and screamed until I rescued him
Was using a scratch box, got his two front claws hooked together, fell over and I had to unhook him
Couldn't catch a cold

@Ageisjustanumb3r

Mine goes to the toilet in MY garden ! Our house is surrounded by fields ! Arghhhhhh

Oh god mine too! WTAF!

Mine rolled off the sofa yesterday evening while licking his bum. Then tried to style it out like he meant to do it.

Mine is not sure whether he wants to be a cat or a dog. He’s good at killing the birds but also likes herding the kids when they play out on the street. He always wants to be near his humans (dog) but generally looks a bit cross about it (cat).

My eldest just utterly fails at the aloof cat thing and is needy, cling, pathetic and obviously completely adorable.
She thinks she’s a baby and would very much enjoy being carried around/cuddled/held like a baby all day long.
She’s not fussy as to whether you hold her in a “rock baby/tummy up,” sitting on your knee arms round tummy/facing out,” or “over the shoulder/burping” position.

Pic of useless cat in his fave place, gazing at me

I am so glad i am not the only ones with a odd cat.
Mine race's round the house like a whirling dervish but stops so quick he often somersaults and crashes into things.

Often when he goes to lie down he goes from a standing position and just falls sideways, doent sit or crouch 1st just falls.
He his the floor so hard you can hear the ooof come from him .
He doesn't like any human food at all raw or cooked chicken , beef, fish etc cheese .
Except the odd very thin sliced if raw carrot .

There are lots of dog training schools out there , do you think we should club together and create a How To Be A Cat cat training school ?

Mine is convinced she's a human child and should therefore get presents and treats whenever DS does. Hence her sulking when we didn't get her an advent .

We are suffering at the mo. Recently rescued Dcat3 eats special food, upstairs. Despite being neglected and underweight, she will turn her nose up at all sorts of food that she has previously found acceptable. Dcats 1&2, despite regularly breaking in and stealing this upstairs food, will refuse point-blank to eat it when I put it put downstairs. Because forbidden fruit etc.

I've just put a bowl of it outside and Dcat1 appeared out of nowhere and despite already having 2 breakfasts and a few snacks, is working his way through the food which he has refused to eat all week, just because he doesn't want any one else to eat it - or because it tastes different when not in the kitchen. Who knows. Twat.

Oh and dispite two cat beds and my bed and two sofas he prefers to sleep in his unpadded hard plastic cat carrier.

I seem to have a cat dog. Drags things around the house, plays fetch, won't go to the toilet outside though. Much too posh for that, instead cries at the door to come in to use the litter tray.

A cat loving friend of mine believes all her cats have had one brain cell between them. It just depends on who is using it at the time as to whether they can successfully cat or not...

We had two cats when a mouse got into the space under the kitchen cupboards. Dcat1 was pawing at the plinth, trying to climb in the cupboards, desperate to get at this mouse. Dcat2 sat there grooming herself, occasionally pausing to give Dcat1 a very puzzled look. Dcat2 finally turned around and gave her an absolutely scathing look that clearly translated as 'It's a mouse, you idiot. How can you call yourself a cat?'