Does anyone else have a cat who fails at being a cat?

[RocketPanda]

Moggy managed to catch a cooled hot water bottle drag it to the top of the stairs and subsequently fell down whilst still holding onto it. Did not let go, did not fall on his feet. Had surgery yesterday and all going fine. Its not the first time he's done himself a mischief because he cannot cat properly. He was cleaning himself whilst sitting on the patio furniture, toppled and broke his tail last year. If he sees a mouse he just meows wistfully at it.

No, I but I did as a child/ teen

We had three cats, all thick as shit. Couldn’t catch mice or other prey (luckily), couldn’t do much apart from look pretty (moggies but very cute!)

My much missed Maudiecat had to go to the vet twice because she got blades of grass stuck up her nose. She was also scared of birds after she got beaten up by a one legged blackbird (which caused stress induced cystitis and resulted in another vet trip the next day).

Ours regularly falls off the window sill. He also sat in the middle of the grass earlier in the pissing rain. Just sat there, getting soaked, as you do.

One of mine definitely thinks he's a dog - he chases things you throw. This includes Dreamies, though he does not actually bring anything back. He also thinks he's in charge of my other cat, but last time he pounced on her, she slipped him a cat judo move and he fell flat on his face.

She is a proper cat - last time she was outdoors she killed and ate a pigeon. She's tiny, the pigeon was massive, but still. I have also had no hunting spiders in my house this year because she hunts them down, kills them and eats them.

This thread is catnip to a cat adorer

DP's cat has a sworn nemesis - a blackbird. They both sit in the garden at dawn and dusk, sending each other wild with fury while the rest of us have to listen to the relentless CHIRPCHIRPCHIRPCHIRP blackbird alarm call. We're all shouting "Just kill the bugger FFS" but he's too inept. He often does the falling off the sofa while sleeping thing, then looking round to see if anyone noticed his lapse of dignity.

When I was at school - fifty years ago, gulp! - one of my teachers had a faulty cat.
It was huge and incredibly clumsy. She named it Poltergeist, as it clattered around the house falling off surfaces and breaking anything not fixed down!

Big boy cat is very impressive looking but useless. Has never caught anything. Not a sausage.

Little girl cat is a mouser extraordinaire.

One time she brought a mouse in and happened to bat it straight at big boy cat's face. He got it in his mouth but then as it was a totally novel experience his eyes went really big, he had some sort of cat panic attack and spat it out with an audible "pah!" sound 🤣

Little cat looked at him like 'what a muppet'...

My cats think they are dogs. They play fetch with pipe cleaners and cry at the top of the stairs if you stop playing with them.

One of my cats is just stupid. She hadn't got 2 brain cells to rub together, and most definitely swims at the shallow end of the gene pool.

Somehow the kids have taught her to play fetch. Except she hasn't worked out I won't be playing fetch when I am asleep so it's quite normal to wake up to toys on the bed.

We also have to keep the toilet seat down and a house brick on the closed lid. Stupid cat will drink out of the toilet otherwise. I once had to rescue her at 2am because she had got in the toilet and the lid closed behind her.

Walking into walls, doors and falling down the stairs happen all the time. Thankfully she is an indoor cat out of her choice because she wouldn't survive for a minute outside.

I once had to rescue her at 2am because she had got in the toilet and the lid closed behind her.

:o :o :o

My cat fell off a fairly low kitchen table and broke his foot and had to have a metal pin inserted!

Both my cats are unless at using the catflap. 1 can go out the catflap in morning, but will then use it as a doorbell to get back inside. My other one will only use it to go in or out in an emergency, but mostly just waits by the back door pawing at the door until someone lets him out.

My old cat has gone to live with a new family, who are kind enough to give me period updates.

Apparently, OldCat has figured out how to use the catflap to out but not come back in again. Also, he wails for his new mum when she is upstairs and he is downstairs, forcing her to go downstairs to reassure him that she is still alive.

I lived next door to people who had two cats and installed two cat flaps. I assumed they didn’t want queuing!

My cat sleeping…

My one cat is HUGE! I mean absolutely massive, I've never seen a cat his size, weighs about 9kg. We've recently got a miniature dachshund that the big fat cat is scared of. Dog is about 1/3 size of the cat, if not smaller. Poor cat runs a mile whenever he spots the dog, stays up high, they haven't had a fight, he's just terrified! Maybe all the running will have him lose some weight??

We used to have a cat who had delusions of being a Mighty Hunter. He caught, killed and dragged home one pork chop bone and one slightly mouldy cake (still in its packaging). Occasionally he managed to pinch a mouse from his sister, who actually was a good hunter, and then he’d prance round the house expecting praise for his mighty deeds of derring do.

My mum’s family had a siamese cat who failed at being a bird. They were holidaying on a houseboat at Littlehaven, and took their cat (they did this often, and he was fine with it). He was sitting on the roof of the houseboat, and the seagulls were flying around shrieking at him - they really sound like Siamese cats, so he thought they were Saying Rude Things to him, and eventually he decided he was going to fly after them and teach them a lesson. He leapt off the roof of the boat, and only realised he couldn’t fly when he plummeted into the river.

Luckily my aunt managed to catch him and fish him out, and he was none the worse for the experience.

I think stupid cats might just be the universe balancing itself out. I have a stupd cat and he really is stupid. He comes running in at night and stops at the bottom of the sofa with a look of complete confusion on his face as he figures out who we are and/or where he is. My other cat is a lean, mean, spedimen of pure feline precision. (Who batters the hell out of Stupid Cat)

My cat falls off fences and can never find his cat food which has been in the same place for 5 years.

Mine likes to stalk birds in the apple tree in the next door garden. He is elaborately furtive as he crawls along a branch. The birds just sit there until he' s about 10 inches away and then they fly up with a loud clap of wings and frighten him into falling out of the tree. In winter he does the same stalking and doesn' t seem to realise that the branches are bare and he can be seen from miles away.

My boy (giant ginger Tom) lost a fight and sustained a bite which became infected with a serious disease. The RSPCA rehomed him with us as a house cat…. He’s scared of rain, wind, the window cleaner, anything outdoors, even though he can’t go out!

He’s also mega clumsey, we have a ladder leading to a mezzanine level where my partner’s office is. Cat will love it I thought, when bringing him home…. I now have pictures of my partner teaching said cat how to climb a ladder… he also regularly requests that we carry him down, rather than he climb or jump!!!

This one is usually really good at catting except when she’s bored.

My cat thinks that anything eaten from a small plate is probably cat food. She is currently purring to herself in anticipation as she sneaks up on my apple tart.

I felt so much better reading this thread! We have a 14 year old stupid (but adorable) cat who will come into the living room with a 'who are you? who am I? where am I? look of total bewilderment. He often falls down the stairs and then goes straight back up them in order to fall down them again.

He was also a feral kitten who clearly didn't get the full cat training course from his mum.

Thank you all so much for cheering me up! I love this thread .
We have a cat who regularly freaks out over nothing and runs in to anything nearby - door frames, legs etc. She took over a month to figure out how to use the new cat flap (the other 2 had it sussed within 20 minutes). We also have one who ignores the comfy cat beds but will happily sleep in the bath, he even pulls the bath mat in for extra comfort.

@thegreylady

My cat sleeping…

Ah... cream tabby... we have one of those.. v pretty... v stupid ! He keeps jumping at birds on the wrong side of the window , splatting himself and sliding down Garfield style.. he has broken 2 teeth doing this !