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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want husband to take kids out on Christmas Day

447 replies

RichmondMumof2 · 08/12/2021 18:03

whilst I prepare Christmas Lunch? Every year as year end approaches I ask DH to take the children out on Christmas Day from 11:00-13:30. My brother, sister in law and an elderly neighbour will all arrive at 13:30 for lunch. Christmas lunch for 7 takes focus.

The kids are 6 and 3 and have a preference to hang out with mummy. I have made this request every year for the past few years. The kids want me to play with them whilst I make a Christmas Lunch. This results in me ultimately denying every request for attention as I'm chopping / basting / stirring/ steaming the puddings or setting the table. It seems to me the obvious way to make most people happy. Kids go for a yomp round the park or to the playground and then come back hungry and ready to eat.

DH always says no as there is nowhere open or suggests they should be with me on Christmas Day. He doesn't drive so has limited options.

One year we tried a Cook Christmas lunch to take the work off but I feel I want to cook a nice meal. There is a lot to it and I actually enjoy cooking when not constantly interrupted.

I have offered that I'll take the kids out and return to a DH prepared Christmas Lunch for 7 on the table. This doesn't fly.

Am I alone on this and AIBU?

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 08/12/2021 19:09

I'm chopping / basting / stirring/ steaming the puddings or setting the table.

all that is done on Christmas Eve, including laying the table.

All veg prepared, roast potatoes peeled and boiled and shaken ready to go in tray. Meat prepared. Yorkshire pudding prepared and ready to be poured into tin and even the lard in the tin. stuff ready make to go in etc

then Christmas Day the meat goes in the oven and then at 12 midday the meat come out and is wrapped up on the side to keep warm. The meat will keep warm for 90 minutes

at this time you start popping the other food in the oven to roast in order.

So between 12-1.30 you have timers set on your phone to put each item in the oven

you play with the children until 12noon and then let them know as each timer goes off you'll need to pop to the kitchen

Babyvenusplant · 08/12/2021 19:13

He should definitely be helping to entertain them and keep them out of your way, but expecting them to stay outside for 2.5 hours is really unreasonable

fakereview · 08/12/2021 19:13

The kids are 6 and 3 and have a preference to hang out with mummy

I want doesn't get.

But anyway, I manage to cook a dinner for 5 without all this angst, doing it for 7 can't be that much more work - just a bit more veg peeling.

Mudandrain · 08/12/2021 19:15

Why can't you each take turn? Pop a Christmas film on and get cracking. YABU to expect him to go out for that long. We have a 4 year old and a 3 year old and do the Xmas lunch between us whilst building toys etc. It's all part of the fun. No way would I want to get the kids out of the house on Xmas day.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 08/12/2021 19:16

What on earth are you making for lunch that a small Christmas lunch takes so much focus that you need your family out of the house ? Sounds like you need rein in your menu if you can't manage to do it with perfectly normal levels of distractions.

bellsbuss · 08/12/2021 19:16

Do all the prep the day before including laying the table

Pawprintpaper · 08/12/2021 19:17

Intrigued how you McGovern a potato.

Sorry OP I think you’re over complicating things. Make your life as easy as you can (pre-prep, delegate or buy ready prepared) so you can spend more of Christmas Day feeling relatively relaxed, sipping Buck’s Fizz and spending actual time with your family. (Although getting the kids out for a bit of fresh air is a good idea at some point).

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 08/12/2021 19:18

@RodneyIsDave

Could cook turkey and prep veg night before
🤮 Turkey's unpleasant enough without reheating it
Bananarama21 · 08/12/2021 19:18

Prep you veg the night before it doesn't need to be so difficult.

SpilltheTea · 08/12/2021 19:19

Your husband can occupy them in the house away from the kitchen.

ILookHorrible · 08/12/2021 19:20

He should be able to keep them occupied out of your way without needing to leave the house!

DrGoogleSaysSo · 08/12/2021 19:20

Why can't entertain kids at home? with all the new toys shouldn't be difficult to keep them busy out of your way.

ComDummings · 08/12/2021 19:20

I think that’s a long time so YABU but if you’re making lunch he should be keeping the kids completely out of the way while you’re busy in the kitchen. Not necessarily out of the house the whole time though.

Lessofallthisunpleasantness · 08/12/2021 19:20

Since when did adults play with kids when they are trying to cook. Just ignore the kids or get them to do something useful (distracting). Kids will get used to it like they have for ever and ever.

cansu · 08/12/2021 19:20

He needs to take over with their demands more. I think going out for a long time is not really reasonable as it is a long time in the cold. However, he should be ensuring he keeps them out of the way and entertains them. I think they should also be taking on setting the table and tidying up if you are cooking.

Original poster
RichmondMumof2 · 08/12/2021 19:21

@thisplaceisweird

You're mental and just need to learn to be a better cook and prepare more in advance.
😂.
OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 08/12/2021 19:22

Yeah this is totally unreasonable. You just prep it all in advance. You certainly don’t need two and a half hours alone. And asking them to go and stay outside in the cold so you can cook is so selfish.

Christ most of us can turn out a Xmas dinner and for many more people and we don’t demand an empty house to do it.

emmathedilemma · 08/12/2021 19:22

YABU, that's a long time to be out when there's nothing open and the weather could be vile and the kids have got presents to open / play with.
Scale back your Xmas dinner expectations or even order a takeaway and do a Xmas dinner on another day. If you do a cold starter and prep veg the night before, freeze as much as you can in advance etc then it's really not much work on the day, it's mostly time in the oven and a short flurry of activity to get the veg done at the end. Stick your turkey in the oven then send them out for some fresh air for the last half hour while you pull everything together.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 08/12/2021 19:22

@ChiefStockingStuffer

YANBU at all

If he can't keep them entertained and away from you, then he should take them out. They can go for a long walk, a scavenger hunt, to the local park, meet up with friends outside. But yes, he needs to step up or do the cooking himself while you take them out. Give him the choice, but don't do it all yourself. Make it clear if he doesn't, you won't be cooking. You're done with being the only adult in the house.

All of that on Christmas Day after the kids have just opened a load of presents?

A) that's batshit
B) there's evidence from the OP that shes not the only adult in the house.

Changemusthappen · 08/12/2021 19:24

OP you sound stressed about Christmas lunch already. Your children are young, you should be enjoying Christmas day with them now. Believe the whilst the magic of Christmas carries on, those early years are very magical and not to be missed.

Is would seem you are putting yourself under pressure to do the perfect lunch. How much is your DH helping? Can you not buy some predone items to make it easier? Much of Christmas lunch can be prepped, frozen and just heated - swede and carrot mash, red cabbage, bread sauce, stuffing, pigs in blankets etc.

The other thing you could do is get DH to do the prep tasks with the children e.g. they can lay the table, peel veg etc. Make it a family day.

SummerBluez · 08/12/2021 19:24

"My bollock kicking foot is twitching again"

Vile. Imagine a man posting "My fanny kicking foot" just gross. I hope you don't have sons.

LostForIdeas · 08/12/2021 19:24

@bellsbuss

Do all the prep the day before including laying the table
Does it matter when the OP is doing that though? She will still need as many hours, regardless of the day and she will still have to deal with two Dcs interrupting her all the time.

Why should she interrupted constantly when her DH could help by entertaining the kids?? He should do that whether it’s on Christmas Eve or on Christmas Day.

Cocomarine · 08/12/2021 19:24

I wouldn’t prioritise making dinner for other people over time with my own kids on Xmas Day!

Having them help in the kitchen sounds lovely, as long as their dad is there too, to make sure they’re supervised at time critical moments. It’s just a roast dinner - get them counting out the sprouts.

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2021 19:25

This is mad, millions of people cook Christmas dinner for their husband and kids and many more people every single year. First time I’ve ever seen someone demand the house be empty or kids not allowed to even enter the kitchen

Op if you struggle then make plans to go out for Xmas dinner in future, or scale it back to a level you can cope with.

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2021 19:26

She will still need as many hours, regardless of the day and she will still have to deal with two Dcs interrupting her all the time

Interrupting her? You’d think she was performing open heart surgery and not just setting a table and making a roast dinner.🤣