To want husband to take kids out on Christmas Day

[RichmondMumof2]

whilst I prepare Christmas Lunch? Every year as year end approaches I ask DH to take the children out on Christmas Day from 11:00-13:30. My brother, sister in law and an elderly neighbour will all arrive at 13:30 for lunch. Christmas lunch for 7 takes focus.

The kids are 6 and 3 and have a preference to hang out with mummy. I have made this request every year for the past few years. The kids want me to play with them whilst I make a Christmas Lunch. This results in me ultimately denying every request for attention as I'm chopping / basting / stirring/ steaming the puddings or setting the table. It seems to me the obvious way to make most people happy. Kids go for a yomp round the park or to the playground and then come back hungry and ready to eat.

DH always says no as there is nowhere open or suggests they should be with me on Christmas Day. He doesn't drive so has limited options.

One year we tried a Cook Christmas lunch to take the work off but I feel I want to cook a nice meal. There is a lot to it and I actually enjoy cooking when not constantly interrupted.

I have offered that I'll take the kids out and return to a DH prepared Christmas Lunch for 7 on the table. This doesn't fly.

Am I alone on this and AIBU?

How about asking him to take them out on Christmas Eve so you can prep the veg, prepare desserts, side dishes, gravy or whatever and then everything is ready to just turn on Christmas Day?

I wish I'd thought of that when my 3 were little 😁
To be fair to my husband, I wouldn't have expected him to take them out for a couple of hours on Christmas day anyway.

It's exhausting no matter what, so just go with it.

@StrikingMatches

How about asking him to take them out on Christmas Eve so you can prep the veg, prepare desserts, side dishes, gravy or whatever and then everything is ready to just turn on Christmas Day?

Good idea 👍

Get children laying table or do it the night before, same with veg prep. It is only a roast! We have everything home made sauce stuffings , roast potatoes etc. Just put turkey in and enjoy time with children. 1.5 hours before add potatoes parsnips etc. Microwave the pudding when you need it. Cover turkey in foil until final hour, have a glass of wine and enjoy! Get husband doing more towards food do you enjoy the children before visiting people arrive. They aren't small for long. Certainly don't send them out in cold unless to church with child friendly service and even then stay together

Just get yourself organised and do like most people do and prepare everything in advance. People make so much fuss over what is basically a roast dinner.

It’s a roast dinner with a whole lot of extra expectations, though, @enjoyitwhileitlasts?

As I said earlier, all the build up to Christmas can result in a build up of pressure, stress and expectation, and in some people’s view, the Christmas dinner is the peak of all of that, and they want it to be perfect - or at least, much more special than an ordinary roast.

But doing things that help reduce all that pressure is key, I think. As I said, I have lots of lists, and plan things carefully so I don’t end up doing things at the last minute. And as others have said, I do as much of the prep for Christmas dinner in advance as I can. The stuffings and red cabbage are made and frozen, I’ve bought a Christmas pudding (and something for those that don’t like Christmas pud) - because I’m not willing to go to all the faff of boiling a pudding for hours, when I can get one just as nice from sainsburys. I have made a cake - because I love it - but I’ll make the marzipan and icing in advance of Christmas, and get it decorated before Christmas Eve.

I peel the sprouts, potatoes and parsnips on Christmas Eve, make the brandy butter and bread sauce, and get the bird ready - then dinner on Christmas Eve is all the kind of party food that just needs to go in the oven, and dh does that.

To be honest, he’s going to do much more of Christmas dinner this year, because I have long covid, and get exhausted way too easily - but most Christmases he definitely does his fair share of the work - I feel,guilty that this year, I won’t be doing my fair share.

Christmas dinner is indeed a roast with some extra stress involved and less time to prepare as you're doing a ton of other things on Christmas day that you wouldn't do on a normal day - present opening, for one thing, eats up a lot of time.

But the whole point is to be together and not perform some huge ideation of Christmas. Just muddle through all together, toddlers and all, and if lunch is late and something gets forgotten (pigs in blankets for us, memorably, last year) it just doesn't matter! Christmas really doesn't need to be perfect. Being shooed out of the house in the cold for hours so someone can cook seems miserable.

We have always had our Christmas dinner at around 5pm, so it's dinner not lunch. Even when the children were tiny and older relatives were here who might have done things differently in their day.

I live an outdoors life. My other half would take kids out from as soon as they could walk for most of the day, every day he could, whatever the weather. Just fishing or exploring the woods, take a tent, light a fire. It's not really extreme here in the UK, most of the time. For me, if I were the one taking them out for under three hours, ie if I were their father, I'd maybe spend a bit of time preparing snacks, and getting ready for their Big Adventure Out Doors on Christmas Day, the day before, just as everyone is saying you should. It's not difficult for us to have the kids outside, but preparing a meal for 7 would have me reaching for the gin!!! You sound so lovely, inviting your neighbour, and also like you're not getting a break... I'm shocked at how unprepared a lot of the respondents seem to be at being outdoors. They're not going to survive a zombie apocalypse if all they can do is prep veg the day before but can't cope with Christmas day outside with little ones!!!! Maybe these respondents all live in the mountains or in extreme conditions or something? The children are your husband's as well as yours: either he gives you a break with them or he cooks dinner. You take care, you need to put yourself first x

You are not being unreasonable at all - my family always go for a walk on Christmas Day to let me cook if the weather is ok. Cold is not an excuse for not doing it, rain and snow are. If they can't walk then it is up to your husband to entertain them so you can cook. No matter how organised you are there are still things to be done on the day itself. Mine are out for 3 hours. 45 minutes there and back in car 1.5 hours walk. We do it all again on Boxing Day so I get my walk in

Why doesn't your husband cook?

Not unreasonable at all. We prepare the veg, stuff the turkey etc the night before so all we have to do on Christmas Day is cook it.

[quote Forsure69]@Jewel52 hardly unkind! Her piroities are stressing her out on Christmas day- simply change them! It seems you've been triggered or you are too emotionally invested in this post! Get a grip![/quote]
“Get a grip” - god do you need some new material 😂! You’re so ten years ago, YAWN 😉

timeisnotaline

You occupied them while he cooked dinner? The ops dh neither occupies them or cooks and doesn’t want to take them out either. Who knows what he does while waiting for his family to come and eat the meal his wife has cooked? Your situation doesn’t compare.“

Apologies, missed your reply. I take your valid point but still don’t understand why he has to take them out?
The fact that the children’s’ father is hopeless isn’t the fault of the children (you could argue that it’s OP’s fault, she chose to marry who he is but who knows?)
My few happy childhood memories were of Christmas Day at home, in pyjamas, playing with gifts.

Again, why does he have to take them out?

@MrsSkylerWhite

timeisnotaline

You occupied them while he cooked dinner? The ops dh neither occupies them or cooks and doesn’t want to take them out either. Who knows what he does while waiting for his family to come and eat the meal his wife has cooked? Your situation doesn’t compare.“

Apologies, missed your reply. I take your valid point but still don’t understand why he has to take them out?
The fact that the children’s’ father is hopeless isn’t the fault of the children (you could argue that it’s OP’s fault, she chose to marry who he is but who knows?)
My few happy childhood memories were of Christmas Day at home, in pyjamas, playing with gifts.

Again, why does he have to take them out?

I think having them out of the house is the only way the op sees he can actually occupy them, that if they are in the house then he will just let them run to mummy ‘they want you, helpless shrug’. My dh certainly wouldn’t have to take them out! Not that I think there’s anything wrong with a Xmas morning walk - probably not 2.5 hours though.

You are being unreasonable. Do your preparation the day before so you can spend time playing with the children

that if they are in the house then he will just let them run to mummy ‘they want you, helpless shrug’.

Except that's not ops take on it.

Her take is he tries to put boundaries in place and she gives in. Which is why they want her all the time.

@Geppili

Why doesn't your husband cook?

One year we tried a Cook Christmas lunch to take the work off but I feel I want to cook a nice meal. There is a lot to it and I actually enjoy cooking when not constantly interrupted.

It's in the OP, might be worth reading it?

Every year on Christmas Day my brother and I went for a walk with my dad and the dog whilst my mum got on with the lunch and possibly stopping for a break. It was just him helping my mum out. Now I look back it was a lovely thing for us to do, and it was colder then. 4 miles I think we walked and no, neither of us moaned.

You can do most of the prep on Christmas Eve, gravy, prep all veg, you can even half cook roast potatoes. On the day once the Turkey is in, you will have plenty of time for a play. When you come to take Turkey out get him to give you some time then. Maybe a play outside for an hour but you will be fine xxx

Share the jobs with him & kids. Veg prep, laying table, making place cards, table decorations, writing and decorating menus.

Demonstrates to all of them that woman's place is not necessarily to be the one in the kitchen doing it all.

Yabu. For your kids having " a preference to hang out with mummy" .... AND for suggesting to kick all of them out on Christmas day so you can cook..

Put the kids in front of the TV. Or just tell them to leave you be .put in earplugs and tell dh he is in charge.

Your kids sound like they could learn a thing or two (like learning to amuse themselves for a bit. Mostly the 6yo of course !!!)