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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want husband to take kids out on Christmas Day

447 replies

RichmondMumof2 · 08/12/2021 18:03

whilst I prepare Christmas Lunch? Every year as year end approaches I ask DH to take the children out on Christmas Day from 11:00-13:30. My brother, sister in law and an elderly neighbour will all arrive at 13:30 for lunch. Christmas lunch for 7 takes focus.

The kids are 6 and 3 and have a preference to hang out with mummy. I have made this request every year for the past few years. The kids want me to play with them whilst I make a Christmas Lunch. This results in me ultimately denying every request for attention as I'm chopping / basting / stirring/ steaming the puddings or setting the table. It seems to me the obvious way to make most people happy. Kids go for a yomp round the park or to the playground and then come back hungry and ready to eat.

DH always says no as there is nowhere open or suggests they should be with me on Christmas Day. He doesn't drive so has limited options.

One year we tried a Cook Christmas lunch to take the work off but I feel I want to cook a nice meal. There is a lot to it and I actually enjoy cooking when not constantly interrupted.

I have offered that I'll take the kids out and return to a DH prepared Christmas Lunch for 7 on the table. This doesn't fly.

Am I alone on this and AIBU?

OP posts:
EmmaWoodhousestreehouse · 08/12/2021 18:31

You want young children out of the house for two and a half hours. That’s completely unreasonable and unrealistic. What do you expect them to do for that long. It’s winter, it’s cold and miserable. A walk is fine but not for over two hours. He should be able to entertain them in the house though.

thelegohooverer · 08/12/2021 18:32

Can you ask some of your guests to come earlier and entertain the dc for you? I have always made it clear to gps that I appreciate them keeping the dc busy to give me a chance to cook and they love playing with them so it’s a win win.

CSJobseeker · 08/12/2021 18:33

An hour would be fine, but 2.5 hrs is a lot. Th answer is for your DH to parent them properly at home!

Why is he letting them hassle you while you try to cook? That's on him.

PenguinLove1 · 08/12/2021 18:33

Get him to take them to the cinema or soft play on Christmas Eve, and while they are out cook the turkey and peel/chop all the veg ready to cook quickly the next day. Buy sauces and puddings from Marks, and ask a guest to bring the starters or have melon or something easy.

When they come home get the kids to make Christmas place cards etc while your husband sets the table ready for the next day.

Then on Christmas day its just half an hour heating up and cooking the veg, which you can do while your husband is helping them play with a new game or something?

This is what my mum always did and it worked well and dinner was always great - and even if it hadnt been id rather have some sides etc from marks and play with my mum on christmas day, than have fancier veg but hardly see her!

Helmetbymidnight · 08/12/2021 18:36

loads of people go to the park or the beach on xmas day- the kiosks open for coffee here too- of course he can go for a walk...

Nanny0gg · 08/12/2021 18:39

Do you need them out of the way when you cook Sunday lunch?

Just make him play with them with a Christmas film on.

TokyoDreaming · 08/12/2021 18:40

YANBU but two and a half hours is far too long as everywhere apart from pubs will be shut.

TrufflesAndToast · 08/12/2021 18:40

Agree with PPs that you’re being totally unreasonable. Does your DH care if the meal is home cooked or ordered in? Because if it’s you that insists the meal is home cooked by you, and expect the other residents of your home to leave the house on Christmas Day so you can cook as you like in peace, then you’re being utterly, staggeringly selfish and unreasonable.

Your kids aren’t THAT tiny especially the six year old. They’re old enough to understand you’re busy in the kitchen and to largely leave you alone. If they’re not capable of listening to the extent they’re badgering you every two minutes then perhaps reflect a bit on your permissive parenting style….

But do you really want to spend a large chunk of Christmas Day shut away from your family cooking in silence while your kids are banished out in the cold away from all their presents? Sounds horrible to me!

MeltedWax · 08/12/2021 18:40

Who wants their young family walking around in the cold for 2 1/2 hours on Christmas day?!

Yes go out for some fresh air (1 hour max), but we would all go in our house. We would also both cook and both entertainment the children.

Does DH just sit about while you slave away? Otherwise seems an odd request.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/12/2021 18:40

Fair compromise would be that your Dh commits to entertaining the children and keeping them out from underfoot while you are cooking, @RichmondMumof2.

TrufflesAndToast · 08/12/2021 18:41

@CSJobseeker

An hour would be fine, but 2.5 hrs is a lot. Th answer is for your DH to parent them properly at home!

Why is he letting them hassle you while you try to cook? That's on him.

Did you read the OP’s post where she admits to a permissive parenting style? Sounds to me like it’s the DH who is more capable of implementing rules than the OP!
dottiedodah · 08/12/2021 18:41

Maybe he could take them out for an hour or so? When back ,they sit with him watching a DVD ? for the rest of the time .Prep as much as you can the day/night before . Turkey is going to take some time to cook ,so play/open pressies and so on while it is cooking .Let them know you are cooking between 11.30/1.30 .Maybe he can play a game with them.Its difficult to cook everything perfectly with DC ! If he doesnt go for it ,his turn next time!

VitalsStable · 08/12/2021 18:43

At 6 and 3 they should be doing as you and your husband say and keeping out the way, especially the 6 year old.

DementedPanda · 08/12/2021 18:43

For 7? That isn't a lot of people, it's a glorified Sunday roast. I'd rather plan a different menu and spend time with the family.

IAmHereForTheFood · 08/12/2021 18:44

OK, 2.5 hours certainly seems too much and I see that I should be prioritising their needs over the food

Absolutely. Christmas is an exciting time for kids. They shouldn’t be sent out for hours on end for what is a glorified Sunday roast.

LittleMysSister · 08/12/2021 18:45

I think it's unreasonable to ask him to take them out for that long on Christmas Day, but not unreasonable at all to expect him to keep them out of your face while you're cooking.

Surely they will have new toys and games he can play with with them for that time?!

getsanta · 08/12/2021 18:46

@Helmetbymidnight

loads of people go to the park or the beach on xmas day- the kiosks open for coffee here too- of course he can go for a walk...
For two and a half hours with a toddler?!
SheikhMaraca · 08/12/2021 18:47

I think firmer boundaries with both DH and the DC is the answer here.

Your DH should keep the DC away from you while you’re cooking, you shouldn’t be the one to have to constantly fend them off.

That said, I always raise an eyebrow at DC who ‘won’t leave me alone’. They need to learn what ‘no’ means, and not continue to pester you after you’ve asked them not to.

Asking your DH to take them out for that length of time on Christmas Day is unreasonable, and is just avoiding the issue rather than offering any meaningful solution.

TheseBootsWereMadeForSitting · 08/12/2021 18:48

@ApolloandDaphne

OP posted that while I was writing my post.

Her time stamp is 18:24:34

My time stamp is 18:26:25

It took me more than 1 minute and 51 seconds to type and hit submit.

My internet connection is slow sometimes.

Good enough for you ?

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Hoppinggreen · 08/12/2021 18:49

Here’s an idea.
How about telling your children that Mummy is busy so can’t play with them for a little while bit you are sure Daddy will

Buddhabowl · 08/12/2021 18:49

Im with your DH on this too. I wouldn't have wanted to be out the house in the cold for 2 hours on Christmas day. Christmas day for us is about snuggling indoors and playing with presents. Try to do more prep beforehand so it'd less of a faff

lonsdaleshorts · 08/12/2021 18:50

I have to agree 2.5 hours is a long time. An hour max at the park but only if it’s a nice day and DH really wants to take the kids.

As others have said, prep the night/day before.

All veg, potatoes etc peeled and chopped and in water overnight. You can even par boil the potatoes,McGovern in fat and freeze them. Then they just need to go in the oven on the day once the Turkey is out and resting.

Set the table the night before too.

Sort your gravy early if you can. Freeze.

Then you’ve really just got the meat to cook, veg to steam or boil.

If you’ve done all the finer things and the special bits you really want to the day or night before when the kids are in bed it should be an easy morning.

Good luck.

ThrobbingToothacheOfTheMind · 08/12/2021 18:51

@TheseBootsWereMadeForSitting

YANBU

FFS

Yet another lazy selfish excuse repository of a male partner.

My bollock kicking foot is twitching again.

Did you even read the op? Or is that just your go to comment if you see the word "husband" in a thread title?
WonderfulYou · 08/12/2021 18:52

I think it’s a great idea for kids to play outside in Xmas day but not for 2.5 hours.

You could buy them a present that requires playing outside eg a football and he can take them to the park for a bit but then you’ll have to tell them not to come in the kitchen the rest of the time.

Is your DH helping with the cooking? Are you feeling a bit overwhelmed?

LadyCatStark · 08/12/2021 18:52

2 1/2 hours in the cold walking at a snail’s pace? No thanks!

Get him to take them out for half and our then come home and stick a film on with a hot chocolate. You can make these part of their presents so that they don’t feel like they’re missing out on playing with their presents.