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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want husband to take kids out on Christmas Day

447 replies

RichmondMumof2 · 08/12/2021 18:03

whilst I prepare Christmas Lunch? Every year as year end approaches I ask DH to take the children out on Christmas Day from 11:00-13:30. My brother, sister in law and an elderly neighbour will all arrive at 13:30 for lunch. Christmas lunch for 7 takes focus.

The kids are 6 and 3 and have a preference to hang out with mummy. I have made this request every year for the past few years. The kids want me to play with them whilst I make a Christmas Lunch. This results in me ultimately denying every request for attention as I'm chopping / basting / stirring/ steaming the puddings or setting the table. It seems to me the obvious way to make most people happy. Kids go for a yomp round the park or to the playground and then come back hungry and ready to eat.

DH always says no as there is nowhere open or suggests they should be with me on Christmas Day. He doesn't drive so has limited options.

One year we tried a Cook Christmas lunch to take the work off but I feel I want to cook a nice meal. There is a lot to it and I actually enjoy cooking when not constantly interrupted.

I have offered that I'll take the kids out and return to a DH prepared Christmas Lunch for 7 on the table. This doesn't fly.

Am I alone on this and AIBU?

OP posts:
ponkydonkey · 09/12/2021 21:48

He needs to step up and take them out! Surely he can think of something???

Queenbee77 · 09/12/2021 21:49

He should wrap them up warmly and take them out to a Playpark and when back take them to their room and read to them and then pwrhaps give thwm a warm bath and dress them for dinner! Dont give him a choice. This is what he has to do!

FrankiPanki · 09/12/2021 21:56

Ban them all from the kitchen. Lock or bar the door. Pour yourself some wine and listen to the radio or an audiobook whilst you prepare dinner.

Callixte · 09/12/2021 22:04

I wouldn't insist they leave the house for the whole time, but there's absolutly no reason he can't keep them occupied and out of the kitchen for 2.5 hours. This seems like a job each of you would do for the other on a fairly regular basis, not just once a year. I wouldn't think this is an onerous request at all, and I live someplace where everything is closed on Christmas Day and H doesn't drive.

A lot of it is weather-dependent but how about a splashy/snowy walk for 45 minutes then dry-off, warm-up and baths and then play a game or watch a film together? He can even make it a game that the kitchen is off limits until lunchtime; not too difficult. They already know it's Christmas and things are different from everyday.

If he really can't imagine handling it then I'd suggest HE prepares Christmas lunch this year and you keep the children occupied this year so he can see a real-life example and then maybe next year you switch "roles" for Christmas lunch.

timestheyarechanging · 09/12/2021 22:13

They don't need to go out for that length of time. A play in the park 45mins yes but after that he can play with them and their new toys and keep them out of your way. Lego/playmobil takes ages! I did it for years for 8+ thankfully my sister dies it now but but kids are adults so it's not an issue. I feel tour pain but the kids can be out of your way but still be in their home

Anaximedes · 09/12/2021 22:24

I still don't agree. No obviously he can't take them for a long walk or outside play if it's really cold or raining hard, and even if he can, perhaps not for 2.5 hours. Although by the time they get ready and then get sorted for dinner when they come back, it's only about 2 hours! They could also lay and decorate the table, so then it's about 1.5 hours!

But 2.5 hours is not hard to fill with some games, a suitable film, a video call to Granny, make some paper chains or some other easy craft, and a quick walk or play outside if possible. He could even do some non-cook cooking in a different room (such as making marzipan fruits or those coloured mint things we used to do at primary school). Some people do go for very long walks etc. with small children on Christmas Day or Boxing Day actually, especially if the weather is reasonable.

Maybe it is too late for this time, but he could be more helpful in looking after them fully, and helping rather than hindering the clinginess problem. What is it with men who can't fully look after their own children while also being incapable of cooking Christmas dinner? And the women who think this is okay and make excuses for them.

Certainly by next year you have time to have got this sorted if not this. Grin

SallyWD · 09/12/2021 22:29

I agree that it's a little too long to be out. Can't your husband entertain them in the house with games or stick a Christmas film on? I prepare all the veg and side dishes on Christmas Eve and it really takes the pressure off Christmas day.

Pensieve · 09/12/2021 22:30

A little unreasonable. Put a film/TV on for an hour and presumably they will get new toys to occupy them, with some supervision from dad. Or make a carrot puppet/story competition. They get 20-30 mins prep and you watch the show 5 mins. Repeat for sprouts! As others have said prep in advance, it’ll be fine. I think you’re stressing and this is a reaction. It’s a massive roast - all will be fine 🙂

caramac04 · 09/12/2021 22:41

Crikey it’s not a 12 course meal! Or is it? Yes he should be supervising his children and yes, a visit to the park is fine but not for 2.5 hours!

Jewel52 · 09/12/2021 22:53

This is very simple, the op doesn’t want to throw her DH and DC out on to the streets on Christmas Day because she’s horrible but because it’s the only way she can get any peace. And actually she enjoys the cooking. She just wants her DH to share the load, play with his own kids for a couple of hours. Quite frankly, after the number of Christmas dinners i’ve Cooked, i’d Happily play with anyone’s kids in return for a stress free lunch. The point is HOW HARD IS IT TO PLAY WITH YOUR OWN KIDS FOR TWO HOURS????

Darkpheonix · 09/12/2021 22:54

@Jewel52

This is very simple, the op doesn’t want to throw her DH and DC out on to the streets on Christmas Day because she’s horrible but because it’s the only way she can get any peace. And actually she enjoys the cooking. She just wants her DH to share the load, play with his own kids for a couple of hours. Quite frankly, after the number of Christmas dinners i’ve Cooked, i’d Happily play with anyone’s kids in return for a stress free lunch. The point is HOW HARD IS IT TO PLAY WITH YOUR OWN KIDS FOR TWO HOURS????
Where did she say he won't?
Mamanyt · 09/12/2021 22:59

Do remind DH that you are not asking him to babysit, you are needing him to FATHER, and for a very short period of time, ONE DAY A YEAR. He should be capable of that, drving or no.

Jewel52 · 09/12/2021 23:02

@Forsure69

Your piroities are wrong. It's Christmas day, find a better way to manage your day or just play with your kids, split your time etc. Your kids and hubby shouldn't have to be put out of their home
Wow, unbelievable! Glad we’re in the season of goodwill or I dread to think how hard you would’ve gone in. You don’t know this person and have no idea of her circumstances. Some basic kindness wouldn’t go amiss
gingerbiscuits · 09/12/2021 23:05

I think you're perfectly reasonable to expect him to entertain the kids if he expects you to do all the cooking but you're being pretty UNreasonable to demand he takes them out of the house for 2.5hrs...in December... in England....on Christmas Day!!

Why not compromise on the cooking in some way (or do more pre-prep etc) in favour of spending precious family time with your babies on their best day of the year! Make the most of what will be a limited number of Christmas Days where they just want to spend time with you, playing with their new toys, etc.

CherryBlossomAutumn · 10/12/2021 01:16

If my DH told me to take a 3 year old and a 6 year old out for 2.5 hours on Christmas Day, when nothing is open, and I had no car…

I’d say no.

Perfectly OK to say no. The kids would have a miserable time too!

SunscreenCentral · 10/12/2021 01:30

No mention of spice recipes for mullllled wine

Off to Christmas mumsnet with you

Snoozer11 · 10/12/2021 01:51

Surely you can just discipline the kids and tell them their mother will be busy for a few hours.

Or is that considered child abuse in 2021 on Mumsnet?

Darkpheonix · 10/12/2021 06:03

@Snoozer11

Surely you can just discipline the kids and tell them their mother will be busy for a few hours.

Or is that considered child abuse in 2021 on Mumsnet?

Theres no real need to plan a discipline, is there?

And its perfectly fine, tp tell the kids mum is busy. However, op says they do it because she gives in and is more permissive. Which is why op thinks they won't leave her alone. Also makes parenting more difficult for the other parent when the kids push and push and then the other one gives in.

Bellafrenum · 10/12/2021 06:08

I can't believe this is still going.

OP accepted she was BU and thanked everyone for their opinions 2 days ago.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 10/12/2021 06:53

@Queenbee77

He should wrap them up warmly and take them out to a Playpark and when back take them to their room and read to them and then pwrhaps give thwm a warm bath and dress them for dinner! Dont give him a choice. This is what he has to do!
This is the most exciting post I’ve ever seen on MN. I didn’t realise one could run a marriage like that.

I shall look forward to introducing my wife to this approach. “I’m not giving you a choice! This is what you have to do!”

Brilliant! Thank you so, so much!

liveforsummer · 10/12/2021 07:25

@Jewel52

This is very simple, the op doesn’t want to throw her DH and DC out on to the streets on Christmas Day because she’s horrible but because it’s the only way she can get any peace. And actually she enjoys the cooking. She just wants her DH to share the load, play with his own kids for a couple of hours. Quite frankly, after the number of Christmas dinners i’ve Cooked, i’d Happily play with anyone’s kids in return for a stress free lunch. The point is HOW HARD IS IT TO PLAY WITH YOUR OWN KIDS FOR TWO HOURS????
OP has been very clear that the husband is hands on and entertains the kids but they gravitate to her regardless
Offmyfence · 10/12/2021 07:32

@Mamanyt

Do remind DH that you are not asking him to babysit, you are needing him to FATHER, and for a very short period of time, ONE DAY A YEAR. He should be capable of that, drving or no.
OP did say sometime ago that he's a very hands on dad, not sure you read that given the vitriol you're throwing at the DF.
WTAFhappened123 · 10/12/2021 08:27

Just get your husband to entertain them, he doesn’t need to leave the house! If you can’t instruct your children to leave you alone whilst you prepare dinner you need to look at your parenting skills

Forsure69 · 10/12/2021 08:44

@Jewel52 hardly unkind! Her piroities are stressing her out on Christmas day- simply change them! It seems you've been triggered or you are too emotionally invested in this post! Get a grip!

SpookyScarySkeletons · 10/12/2021 08:44

I’m not sure it’s fair to ask him to take them out but he certainly should be entertaining them and keeping them out of your way for the time you are cooking.

The key here is preparation. All my veg is prepped and ready to go on Christmas Eve, stuffing made and ready to reheat, pigs in blankets ready and on a tray in the fridge ready to cook. It makes the big day much less stressful and much more enjoyable!